


Brat

by winkwankwonk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Tension, Confusion, Crushes, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Lemon, Pining, Romance, Secret Crush, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Unhealthy Relationships, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, kind of, probably kinky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 54,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winkwankwonk/pseuds/winkwankwonk
Summary: You've always been well aware of the infamous Captain Levi during your time in the Survey Corps. Now, because of the wonderful Hange, you're pushed face first into the world of Levi himself. And for once, he acknowledges your existence. Perhaps you two can finally start on the same page.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader
Comments: 221
Kudos: 638





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written a story in a long time, not for fun at least. I kindly ask that you bear with me here while I figure things out and I sincerely apologize if the thoughts that connect to my words aren’t your cup of tea. There are lots of good Levi fanfics on here, so I’m sure you can find one that you like. And if you happen to like mine, thank you. It means a lot more than you think.
> 
> Another thing, I just rewatched the entire show. However, I have crippling ADHD so I really am sorry if my lore isn’t correct 100% of the time. I’m welcome to corrections as well as constructive(!) criticism.
> 
> Lastly, this doesn’t take place during Eren and the others’ time in the show. I felt like it was overplayed and I wanted a setting of normalcy for Levi and reader’s relationship to develop. (¬‿¬)

Life has never been simple, nor easy for that matter. Not in the shit-stained walls that everybody called home. Your sour childhood was cut short at the ripe age of 15, when the Armored Titan invaded Wall Maria. You enlisted shortly after, and the few years after that were a blur. In fact, a lot of your life was a blur. Your memory was in pieces, whether it be because you were on autopilot half the time, or because you had so much damn trauma from the harsh life within the walls. Now, you found yourself to be an exceptionally skilled member of the Survey Corps. Not necessarily because you were a particularly gifted child or anything, but because of the blatant fact that you wanted-- no, _needed_ to make something out of your life. As cruel as existence could be, you still had a deep desire to keep the future of humanity safe. Perhaps, to be a bearer of hope at the very least.

However, some days were harder than others. Today was one of them. You sat in a lukewarm tub scrubbing the dirt from underneath your fingernails, contemplating what life would be like in a few years from now. Would you be dead? Probably. With the way things were going, you could’ve sworn you were going insane. You barely got any sleep, anxiously waiting for the next expedition. The lack of sleep didn’t help with the stress itself either. You paused, and looked around the women’s empty washroom. _Get ahold of yourself,_ you thought in silence. It was afternoon, and you had to help Hange with her paperwork as always. Quickly drying yourself off and getting dressed, you rushed to the office wing of HQ. Swiftly knocking on her door, she welcomed you in from the other side with a sing-songy, “Come in!”

“Section Commander Hange! Sorry I’m late, got caught up there for a second,” you immediately apologized upon opening the door. Hange beamed at you. “No sweat, (F/N)! Actually, I already finished my paperwork for today. Come here,” she motioned to the chair across from her, at her desk. You gladly obliged. Hange was someone you had an incredible amount of respect for. After all, she handpicked you to be on her squad. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t consider her to be one of your best friends you’ve made in the past 5 years. She put up with you, in all your poor moods, throughout all the stupid jokes, and laughable mistakes you’ve made. You felt like she was one of the higher-ups who really saw you as a person with complexities and a past, rather than just titan fodder.

“How’s cadet training been?” she questioned as she shuffled her completed paperwork as it was in a disastrous state, all consuming the desktop. You let out a sigh, “It’s been good, you know. All the same, I can’t really help but get sad when I’m with them. They’re all so innocent. Most of them have never seen a titan in their life. I just hope they don’t break,” you began sorting the abundance of sheets with her. “Except, there are a few little shits in that new cadet corps. I swear, sometimes I cannot _fucking stand_ kids,” you admitted. Hange let out a genuine laugh. “Hey,” she began, “you were one of those little shits. You still are sometimes.” You let out a breathy laugh. She definitely wasn’t lying. “But, (F/N), I was just wondering… Are you okay? You seem a little bleak lately. Did something happen on the last expedition? I mean, I get it, but--”

“No,” you cut her short, “nothing happened. All my friends are okay, it’s just…” you trailed off, looking out her office window. The clouds formed rows across the sky today. The way they looked reminded you of a rib cage on a skeleton. The small things always served as a reminder that death was inevitably on the horizon. She watched you with genuine compassion. “It’s all the same, you know. Help train the cadets with Mike, run progress reports with your research, paperwork, eat, sleep, shit, repeat. It gets tiring. Um…” you trailed off again and looked back to her. Hange had grown a slight mischievous smile on her crooked mouth. Completely misreading it, you began to defend yourself out of pure stupidity. “I mean, I… Nevermind. It doesn’t matter. What do I have to complain about? Shit. I’m sorry. I just… you know I-” you began sputtering. Even though she asked, you felt horrible complaining about how simple and easy life was when you were on the base. You felt embarrassed to complain about the luxury of having a repetitive life, because saying your young days were unstable was much more than an understatement. Though, she managed to cut you off with that boisterous laugh of hers.

“Oh, be quiet. You can be such a worry wart sometimes, girl. I completely get it. You know what? I’ve got an idea for you,” she told you with that maniacal smile of hers. Your eyes widened and you blinked in response. “Here,” she waved her hand in the air, “Good ol’ Captain Levi has been _drowning_ in paperwork lately. I guess shorty’s been slackin’. Why don’t you go and help him? Tell him that I said you’re his new assistant,” she cracked herself up. You still stared at her, waiting for her to say _just kidding!_ ...But she didn’t. You looked at her dumbfounded. That was her idea of a change of pace? Helping the asshole Captain with paperwork? Her smile didn’t falter.

You sat back in your chair, pushing a few strands of hair out of your face, letting out a small laugh. “Sure, I guess. At least it’s something,” you finally said with a polite smile, pushing back your chair and standing with a salute. As you trailed your way to the door, she called out, “And stop with all the damn formalities. I mean, how long have I known you?” You nodded at her as you shut the door behind her. _2 years, Hange, give or take. Not very long, you crazy lady,_ you thought to yourself. Walking down the hallway at a slower than usual, hesitative pace, you stopped in front of Levi’s office door. _Is this some kind of fucking punishment for complaining to her? Agh, that must be what this is. (F/N), the shit you get yourself into…_ Captain Levi was one of the higher-ups that _really_ intimidated you. To be fair, he was only a tad bit taller than you, but nonetheless he was humanity’s strongest. _Yeah, and humanity’s biggest dickhead on top of that,_ you laughed to yourself.

Finally, you raised your hand to knock on his door a few times. After a few moments, you heard his monotonous voice speak, “Come in.” You attempted to swallow your nerves before turning the doorknob and entering with a solute. “Captain Levi,” you began. He looked up at you with a very slight quirk of a brow, with his face still pressed into that permanent frown of his. His pen was in his hand but he had stopped writing as soon as he saw you. “Um…” your mouth immediately went dry at the sight of him. His jacket and cravat were removed, and his shirt had a few buttons undone at the top, along with his sleeves being rolled up to his elbows. There were three gigantic stacks of paper on his desk to his right. And to be frank, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find him ridiculously attractive. You never saw him this casual, in fact, you rarely saw him at all. When you were at HQ, he always seemed to be pretty busy. You supposed that’s just how it was as Squad Leader. _Shit, get it together,_ you rushed yourself in silence. “Section Commander Hange sent me. She said you needed help with um, paperwork, sir,” you eyed the rectangular mountains of white. “She said I’ll be your new assistant,” you brought your hand to your mouth as you stifled a laugh into a giggle. 

“Tch,” Levi turned his head slightly in clear annoyance. “Whatever, then what are you waiting for, brat? Get over here,” he nodded his head towards the chair in front of him. You closed the door behind you, and as you walked throughout the room you noticed that it smelled ridiculously good, like tea… and soap. Speaking of which, he raised a teacup to his mouth in a peculiar way before taking a small sip. As you sat, you realized he was pretty much glaring daggers into your soul. You felt warmth on the apples of your cheeks and immediately realized you were blushing just by him looking at you. Why was Levi staring at you like that to begin with? He wasn’t even saying anything. After a brief moment, he finally grabbed a thick stack of papers and neatly tossed them in front of you. “Knock yourself out,” he simply said, returning to the paperwork of his own. Immediately busying yourself with paperwork, you put yourself on autopilot as your thoughts began to race.

_God, (F/N), what is wrong with you? Seriously? He’s one of your superior officers. You cannot afford to be such a dumbass. The guy would probably spit on you if your rank was any lower… Actually, that doesn’t sound too bad. UGH!_ you immediately pushed your two arguing thoughts out of your head. Captain Levi was the kind of person that you always formed a slight crush on when you were in his presence. His very existence was commanding, strong and powerful. Not to mention, he was really god damn attractive. Glancing at him once in a while was going to put you in your grave, yet you still did it. His hands and the way they moved, and the way his hair hung off his face. Everything about him was alluring, and you hated it. _Maybe having a crush these days won’t be too bad actually,_ you silently contemplated. _Well, it definitely is a change of pace for sure… Fucking Hange._

A decent amount of time passed before you decided to break the silence, hopefully to knock your gross thoughts out of your mind. Levi strangely grabbed his teacup and finished off the rest of the beverage as you began, “I love tea.” You immediately stopped as his eyes met yours, setting down his cup onto the saucer. _Christ… as if he cares._

You stuttered for a very short moment and spoke again, “I can get you more, if you want Le-... Ca-Captain Levi,” you stuttered once again and your cheeks went bright red. You were such an idiot sometimes. “How do you take it?” he asked so simply and monotonously, it was clear he didn’t actually give any semblance of a fuck. “W-what?” you questioned, perverse thoughts running through your head. Then, your eyes widened and immediately averted. “Ah, shit,” you thought aloud for once, covering one side of your face with your hand. “I just like sugar in mine, you?” you finally managed to get out. _Could you be any more embarrassing?_ you silently scrutinized yourself. Levi didn’t once take his eyes off of you. In fact, he let out a very slight chuckle at your ridiculous state of fluster. “Go ahead, brat,” he pushed the saucer and teacup towards you, “Plain black. And hurry the fuck up, two people doing this shit is faster than one,” he bleakly said, returning to his paperwork. Captain _fucking_ Levi. He was always cool as a cucumber. You questioned yourself if you’d rather be him, or be on top of him. You immediately grabbed his empty cup and traversed to the door, speedily making your way out. Taking a deep breath upon entering the hallway, you looked down at the cup in your hands. You realized the cup was jittering around, caused by your hands shaking. Your nerves bubbled up in your stomach and you absolutely cursed yourself. Making your way to the kitchenette, your thoughts raced a million miles an hour. 

Calming yourself down, your hands finally stopped shaking. _For God’s sake, you’ve fought--no,_ **_killed_ ** _giant man-eating creatures and a short ass man is intimidating you like this? Snap out of it,_ you told yourself as you began heating up a kettle and set out a tea bag. You took a deep breath and tucked your hair behind your ears, rolling your head in a circle and cracking your neck. _He’s just a person, a pretty fucking rude person at that._ You scoffed and rolled your eyes. Finally, you were actually getting your shit together. Reminding yourself to keep it professional and move on, you nodded to yourself. _It’s just been so long since I’ve even been in the presence of an attractive man, it only makes sense. But don’t let it get to your head,_ you pep-talked yourself in silence. You were going to give yourself a headache from all this overthinking. Speaking of which, your eyelids were feeling particularly heavy. Stretching out your back, you finally finished making his tea. _Plain black_ , you recalled. Taking one last big sigh, you grabbed the cup and began heading back to his office. It was finally getting dark out, and as you passed by a window you got a glimpse of your reflection. You immediately stopped in your tracks. Stepping closer to the window, you saw deep, dark hollows under your eyes. Leaning in even closer, you touched under your eyes in shock. You’ve always had eyebags, but they’ve never gotten this bad. Your extreme lack of sleep and stress was definitely killing you, it was becoming physically obvious. No wonder Hange asked if you were doing okay, you looked like an absolute disaster. _Well, there go my chances of seducing the Captain,_ you joked to yourself. 

Finally reaching the Captain’s door again, you opened it without a knock. You immediately caught his eyes again, because he wasn’t focused on his paperwork. His elbow was planted on his desktop, gently resting his head in his hand. You cleared your throat and walked over to him in stride, placing the cup in front of him. As you went to sit down once more, he opened his mouth to speak.

“You’re dismissed, (F/N).” He leaned back in his chair, still watching you. You immediately furrowed your brows, slightly tilting your head. “But--” you began, and he immediately cut you off. “Get out. And get your ass back here tomorrow evening, or else,” he spoke without faltering. You glanced at the door, and back at him. _The fuck?_ You saluted him with a quick, “Sir,” and managed to scurry out of his office in record time. You couldn’t help but look back at his door a few times as you made your way down the hall. You could’ve sworn he told you to get back there fast, because more paperwork needed to be done. _And hurry the fuck up, two people doing this shit is faster than one,_ you quickly recalled. Did you take too long? There was no way. You couldn’t have been gone for more than five minutes. What had changed in that short amount of time? Maybe he already got sick of you, but… Levi told you to come back tomorrow. “UGH!” you yelled out, throwing your head back as you were finally making your way to the mess hall for a quick dinner. “You good?” a familiar voice questioned. Turning around, you saw Jas, a fellow squad member and one of your best friends.

“Oh, my God, Jas! No! You literally have no idea,” you immediately whined to her as you two continued to walk together. “Geez, what’s up with you (F/N)? What happened?” Jas asked. You took a deep breath and began, “Hange… She fucking made me do paperwork with Levi. You know, Captain _fucking_ Levi.” Your dear friend let out a loud laugh, clutching her stomach. “No way! How did that go? He scares the living shit out of me, but I guess paperwork can’t be that bad,” she reasoned. Letting out another sigh, you nodded. “You’re right, he’s just so damn intimidating. I can’t stand it. I don’t feel that way about any other higher-up. Not even Erwin, shit,” you rubbed at your temples. A headache was definitely due for a visit. Jas threw a quick elbow at you, turning around, she cooly walked backwards and continued to talk to you. “(F/N)? Intimidated? Sounds off to me. You sure there’s nothing more than intimidation?” she mockingly winked at you. “Tch, just shut up,” you said, jokingly pushing her back.

After finishing dinner, you eventually made yourself to the women’s quarters and laid in bed. _It’s almost like Hange knew what that would do to me._ You rolled over, kicking one leg out of the blanket. _I guess I asked for it_. Staring at the wall, your mind flashed back to the way Levi looked at you, and the way his office smelled. You immediately felt blush clawing at your cheeks, at just the damn thought of him. You resented him and how he treated others, but yet his utter nonchalance and handsome face left your stomach in knots. Throwing the pillow over your face, you convinced yourself it was just because it had been a long time since you’ve gotten _any_ sort of romantic, especially not sexual interaction. _My body’s just betraying me, simple as that,_ was your last certain thought before you finally dozed off to a needed, long, deep slumber.

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Strapping up your ODM gear was always the hardest part of every morning. The women’s barracks were dimly lit, probably because most of the scouts were made to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn. Finally tugging on your boots, you flopped back onto your bed for a moment, staring up at the bunk above you. Something had felt different, like you had turned over a new leaf. The air felt lighter, and you felt the urge to smile at your fellow comrades more. 

Eventually, you found yourself overseeing cadet practice with Mike. You did this everyday, except on Sundays. Though, Saturdays were a bit more lax. This is when you normally helped Hange by running errands for her, or listening to her rant about her research. Sundays, however, were when a majority of the scouts were made to clean the entirety of HQ. Bathrooms, the mess hall, the stables, literally _everything_ . You had heard that Levi was the sole reason behind the weekly cleanings, but you often kept a skeptical eye out, simply due to the fact that rumors raged in the Survey Corps like wildfire. You were well aware of the fact that Levi was known to be a bit of a clean freak, but since you never had much firsthand experience with it, you never put too much thought into it. _Levi,_ you pondered. He had already crossed your mind and the day had barely started yet.

You found yourself chewing on your bottom lip, completely zoned out. You were recalling the events of yesterday when it hit you. Levi told you to come back, _or else,_ he said. _Shit! Is it going to be like yesterday all over again?_ you mentally whined. Both Mike and you were standing side by side whilst watching the cadets spar, when he leant over and took a whiff of the crook of your neck. “Hey, man! I told you to cut that shit out!” you snapped, taking a step away from him. “Did you bathe?” he nonchalantly asked, looking back to the training field. “What? No… But thanks for making me feel insecure,” you pouted at him. _All the guys here are something else,_ you rolled your eyes. “Oh, weird,” he replied, “You just smell different.”

* * *

Cadet training had been cut short that day after a few of the kids decided to start dogpiling the smallest one in their cadet corps. Rushing up to start ripping the handful of cadets off him, you thought just how brutal kids could be. _What a cruel world we were raised in,_ you thought. _When there’s giant cannibal humanoids roaming outside our very living space, how can you be so bitter to people for their mere existence?_ You tried not to harbor hatred in your heart for people, at least not visibly. Some people you were bound to dislike, particularly the Military Police. Your mind trekked back to life before you became a cadet yourself. You genuinely believed that the chaos and horror outside of the walls, was still better than life on the inside by tenfold.

You had met up with your fellow squad members for lunch, but you had been entranced in your own conscience all day. Your wondrous thoughts were cut short when Jas waved her hand in front of your face. “Hey, are you alive in there?” she laughed. Blinking a few times, you rubbed your eyes and went back to eating the bland stew in front of you. “Yeah,” you started with your mouth half full. “Just didn’t sleep very well last night,” you lied through your teeth. In fact, the night before you had gotten a plentiful amount of sleep after such a weird string of events with Captain Levi. You didn’t want to tell anybody else on your squad about how you’re Levi’s new “assistant”, as Hange liked to say, in fear of being teased or questioned. Getting anxiously flustered while you were trying to scarf down food wasn’t exactly ideal in your eyes.

Not to mention, you weren’t much of a talker in group settings. When there were a handful of people conversing, you usually just preferred to listen. Jas and your other squad member, Peter, were the most chatty. You tuned in to them talking to drown out your incessant wandering mind. “Have you heard anything about the next expedition?” Jas asked the squad before taking in a mouthful of bread. Loudly swallowing, Peter replied, “No. I’m getting real damn impatient, too. How long has it been? A month and a half? Two?” Across from you, your friend Carlie chimed in, “So, what? You guys _like_ going out there? Killing titans isn’t fun for me.”

“It’s kind of our job, worms for brains,” Jas sassily retorted, tucking her hazelnut hair behind her ear. You loved Jas, but sometimes she was overly opinionated. You decided to keep quiet and finish your boring meal. Carlie rolled her eyes and let out a small scoff. “Not all of us are suicidal maniacs. Titans are fucking scary,” she murmured. “Yeah, whatever. Maybe you shouldn’t be in the Survey Corps, then, Carlie. You have to be brave and respectable, like Captain Levi or Section Commander Hange,” Jas fired back with vigor. Just the brief mention of his name made you stop chewing for a moment. Your eyes darted up and you immediately caught Hange’s side profile, her back facing you. Seeing her excitedly explaining something, you tilted your head slightly to see no other than Captain Levi in front of her. He was simply listening, sipping on his signature cup of tea. He didn’t seem like much of a talker, either. Maybe you two had more in common than you thought. He was dressed up in his scout uniform, just as everyone else, cravat and all. You didn’t realize you were staring until Jas fired an elbow into your side, making you drop your spoon. 

You looked over and saw Jas smirking at you. “Speaking of which,” she began, “apparently (F/N) is Levi’s new paperwork assistant.”

“Wait, really? Why didn’t you say anything?” Carlie questioned, quickly turning to you. “Damn, (F/N), which one of the superior officers’ dick did you have to suck to be all up in their business?” Peter chimed in, referring to you being close to Hange as well. Pushing your nearly empty bowl away from you, you rested your chin in your hand. “Relax, guys. I just told Hange I was bored, so she gave me separate work to do. It’s really that simple,” you explained, trying to keep your cool. Jas immediately let out a boisterous _hmph,_ turning back to the other two. “That’s not what she told me yesterday. It seemed like (F/N) was a little scared of the almighty Captain Levi,” she sneered, her words dripping with sarcasm. You shot her a disapproving look, hoping she wouldn’t go any further. “You guys are annoying,” you announced as you got up to leave without warning. “Oh, come on, (F/N)! We were just teasing!” Jas called out after you, but you decided to ignore her and continued to exit. 

You found yourself walking around the hallways for a short period of time before leaning against the wall and slumping to the floor. Anxiously fiddling with your fingers, you attempted to sort out your thoughts. _Seriously, can I catch a break?_ You let out a sigh and rubbed your temples for a moment. You really did care for your squad members a lot, but nothing deterred from the fact that they could drive you up a damn wall sometimes. _Especially_ Jas. It only made sense, though. She was like the big sister of the Fourth Squad, but oftentimes she would take the teasing too far. You already regretted telling her about Levi. In fact, you subconsciously began to loathe Levi. While you were never exactly fond of him, the way he consumed your thoughts was really starting to pissing you off. His nonchalance and vulgarity added to the mix of both hating him but still being hopelessly attracted to him. The inner turmoil you were feeling left a bitter taste in your mouth. Maybe you were already sick of playing this game with yourself.

“Hey! I was wondering where I’d find you!” a familiar, ecstatic voice echoed from down the hallway. Looking up, you saw Hange walking towards you at a fast pace with her hand waving in the air… And trailing not too far behind her was no other than Levi himself. _No fucking way,_ you internally groaned. You mustered a slight grin and raised your hand to Hange. “Section Commander,” you simply stated, not even taking the effort to get up off the ground, looking up at her. Levi continued to keep his distance, so you turned to look up at him, too. “Captain Levi,” you greeted him with an unintentional sneer. His eyes slightly narrowed at you yet he still maintained that permanent frown plastered onto his face. Giving you a toothy grin, Hange held out her hand to help you off the floor. You gladly received the help, and wiped off the dirt from your pants when you stood. You could hear a slight _tch_ come from Levi. You shot him another glance. You were _done_ with being intimidated by him. You didn’t care if he was humanity’s strongest. _When it comes down to it, you’re still a short little bastard,_ you silently cursed him.

“Come on,” Hange said, grabbing ahold of your wrist and tugging you down the hallway. “I’ve got some important research for you to take care of!” she excitedly told you as she led you towards her lab. Levi stayed where he originally stood, and called out towards Hange. “Hey, Four-eyes! You better send the brat my way as soon as you’re done with her. I’ve got a lot of shit to take care of.” With that, he instantly turned on his heel and started walking the other way. You watched him disappear down the hallway as Hange dragged you in the opposite direction. _As if I’m some sort of machine for these people to pass around…_

Arriving in Hange’s lab, you took a seat at a nearby stool and awaited for the thick pile of research papers, which you had to go through and proof-read. “I was able to compile lots of data on how fast it takes for titans to regenerate,” Hange spoke as her hands started to tremble with pure excitement. You didn’t really understand her intense fascination with titans, and at some points you did think it was a little odd. However, she was still your squad leader and if anything, you were grateful to have someone so invested for the betterment of future knowledge. “Oh, (F/N),” Hange paused to look at you as she thumbed through folders that were bursting at the seam. “You know, Shorty was askin’ about you,” she admitted with a gleam in her eye. Your eyes widened. “Actually,” she laughed, “more like he was lecturing me. He seemed so worried about you because of how tired you looked yesterday. He was accusing me of not looking out for my squad. Can you believe that?”

Grabbing an inch thick stack of papers, Hange seated herself on the table and handed them over to you. Taking them, you still weren’t sure what to say in response. _Levi was thinking about me? He was asking about me? Wait…_ You took a moment to recall the events of the previous night, where Levi suddenly dismissed you when he still had piles upon piles of paperwork left. Was he… looking out for you? _Huh, maybe the guy really does have some empathy_ , you pondered. Looking up at Hange, you gave her a comforting smile and a small chuckle. “As if that’s your responsibility. I’m a big girl, you know. It’s not like you manage my bedtime or anything,” you said with an eye roll, trying not to draw attention to the slight pink that was blooming on your cheeks. 

After a grueling two hours of reading Hange’s chicken scratch handwriting, while simultaneously listening to her rant about titan regeneration times, you both had finally wrapped up her research analysis for the day. “Oh, look at the time!” Hange exclaimed, “You should be heading out now. Shorty’s got even more paperwork than yesterday,” she laughed as you stood and stretched out your back for a moment. As you headed towards the door, Hange joked, “Have fun being his assistant for the night. I can’t believe I’m letting you cheat on me!” You let out a soft sigh followed by a genuine laugh, “It was your idea!” She gave you a quaint chuckle. “Oh, and (F/N), don’t mention that I said anything about him to you. He’d probably kill me.”

“Of course,” you nodded. You were used to keeping information from Hange generally contained. It’s not like you’d confront Captain god damn Levi about him being worried about you, anyways. 

You trailed your way to the office wing of HQ, stopping promptly at Levi’s door. The same feelings of doubt and nerves bundled tight in your stomach instantly reappeared the moment you went to knock on his door. Letting in a deep breath, you forced your body to relax. Giving the door three brief knocks, you waited for a moment. A muffled, monotonous, “Come in,” came from the other side. 

Quietly opening the door and shutting it behind you, you noticed Levi didn’t look up. He was focused on his paperwork as you approached the wooden desk. Something was different, though. There was already a neat pile of incomplete paperwork in front of your seat, as well as _two_ cups of tea on his desk. One was untouched, the other he had clearly started sipping from. You silently planted yourself in the chair and stared at the full cup of tea. You reached your hand out to gently brush the sides of the cup. “Is this…?” you trailed off as he finally gazed up at you for a moment. His default expression didn’t falter, and he almost immediately returned to his work without saying a word. Blinking a few times, you pulled the cup closer to you. 

“Thank you, Captain Levi…” It felt as though your heart was scooped out of your chest and children had played a game with it like a sports ball. Lifting the cup to your lips, you took a miniature sip. You immediately set the beverage back down, looking up at Levi, dumbfounded. He had put sugar in the drink as well. You were practically in shock. The man, the superior officer that had barely acknowledged your existence over the past two years had not only memorized how you liked your tea, but he had also made it for you. Sugar had been hard to come by in those days, too. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t one of the kindest gestures you’ve received in a long time. Taking one more sip of the sweetened black tea, you instantly dove into your paperwork. The both of you worked in silence for some time.

Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you could see that he leaned back and picked up his tea. You continued your paperwork as normal, until he finally spoke, “I see you don’t look as shitty as you did yesterday.” He looked at you with a watchful eye as he drank from his own teacup. Giving one slow blink, you sarcastically replied, “Thanks, Captain.” You crossed your legs under the desk, and paused to take a sip of your own tea. “I got more sleep than I usually do,” you admitted to him. He looked at you with that blank expression of his for quite some time. “Insomnia?” he simply questioned. “How’d you know?” you inquired. _Stupid question, (F/N). Lack of sleep normally means insomnia,_ you internally scrutinized yourself.

“It’s something I deal with, too,” he simply stated, taking another sip of tea with an odd grip on his cup. Your lips parted slightly and your eyes softened. _Captain Levi, the strongest and most ruthless titan killer… has trouble sleeping at night?_ You began to see him in a different light, your perception of him shifting little by little. _He’s a human, too. One with flaws and complexities and a past._ You had heard that he’d grown up in the Underground as well. You weren’t sure if it was true but, if it was, it made all the more sense. For the first time, you actually had a feeling of sadness for him. Who were his parents? How many comrades had been devoured in front of him? _Why the hell does he hold his teacups like that?_

“Well,” you replied with a sweet smile, “maybe drinking black tea all the time doesn’t help.” His expression didn’t change in the slightest. “Who knows?” Levi rhetorically asked, setting down his teacup and promptly returning to his paperwork. Silence fell again for an extended period of time. Slowly, the stacks of paper on his desk were decreasing. It had been a few hours into you incessantly grinding out paperwork with the Captain, when you heard an audible _FWOOSH-THUMP!_ from the hallway, followed by a woman crying out in anguish. Both you and Levi immediately looked up at each other, quickly getting to your feet and rushing to the door to peer out into the hall.

Moblit was standing with an absolute face of shock and horror, whilst Hange was on her knees practically cursing at God as the hallway was an absolute disaster of papers everywhere. They had dropped an entirely organized, giant set of paperwork as they went to deliver it to Commander Erwin. Your hand went to cover your face in agony, knowing damn well you’d have to help clean and organize it. You and your captain were still both standing in his office doorway when you turned to him. Levi was casually leaning against the frame with his arms crossed when you realized it was the closest you have ever physically been to him. Your cheeks began to darken to an immediate crimson red shade as you nibbled on your bottom lip. “Um…” you hesitated upon seeing him look at you directly. It felt as if the entire world had their eyes on you. 

  
“I should probably help…” you murmured, looking away in embarrassment. “ _Tch._ Fine, brat. You’re dismissed,” he spoke, not taking his eyes off of you for a second. You swore you could feel his body heat from this distance. “But, you better get some rest tonight. You’re assigned to the mess hall tomorrow,” he noted, and without another word he went back into his office and shut the door. You stared at the door for what felt like was eternity, until you audibly groaned. The next day was Sunday, _cleaning day_. And Levi had just personally assigned you to the damn mess hall. Cracking your back, you got on your knees as you began to help Hange and Moblit collect and organize the giant catastrophe they had made.


	3. Chapter 3

Even though Sunday was the day that scouts got to sleep in an hour later, you were completely drained. Hange, Moblit and you were up until sunrise straightening and sorting the massive amount of paperwork Hange had finished. On top of that, you still had to clean yourself and eat something before you returned to the women’s quarters, resulting in about forty-five minutes of sleep. 

The exhaustion you were facing that morning was probably the most painful you had ever felt. There had been nights where you practically didn’t sleep at all, but you had been tossing and turning in your own bunk, overthinking or replaying tragic moments of watching your comrades die. At least then you were resting, but this time you had been caught up with thoughts of the enigma that was Levi, using your hands and turning the wheels in your brain to organize papers. As your fellow scouts all got up and left, you stayed in your bunk, cherishing the warmth of the blanket while you could. 

Eventually you rose and lazily got dressed in casual clothes, thanking the Universe for the fact that you didn’t have to get suited up into uniform on Sundays. The women’s quarters were already deserted when you began your journey to the mess hall. Stopping at a supply cabinet, you paused when you saw the lack of contents. There were no brooms or mops left, just buckets, sponges and rags. _Damn, I must really be running late._ You stepped back for a moment, groaning to yourself as you groggily rubbed your eyes. _Great,_ you thought, grabbing a bucket and sponge.

Upon entering the mess hall, you could see about fifteen scouts already chatting away as they swept the floors. The tables had been cleaned off every night, so they weren't much of a priority. You did, however, have to scrub the floors. Scanning the oversized room once more, you caught sight of Captain Levi. Standing against the wall with crossed arms, he was wearing his normal button up and cravat, adorned with a black blazer and pants, sans the ODM gear. You silently cursed his handsome self, wondering why he could pull off every damn look possible. Hoping he hadn’t noticed you come in so late, you immediately got down on your knees and sluggishly scrubbed the floor. _This is the worst,_ you thought. _I barely slept and now I have to scrub these nasty ass floors with my hands?_ You let out a sigh. _I guess that’s just life as a scout. One part to make a greater whole._ While you weren’t really aware of it, it was clear you weren’t making very much progress. More than half the others in the room had finished sweeping and left, while you were barely halfway done on your section of the floor. By this point, you thought it was a good idea to dump out the dirtied water in your bucket. You stood up, tossing the sponge onto the bench in front of you, taking a moment to collect yourself. 

Without warning, the hair on the back of your head was grabbed and lightly tugged, turning you around to reveal Captain Levi standing just a few inches from your face. “Slacking off, I see,” he said, just barely looking down at you. You were speechless, eyes widened and face flushed. He analyzed you for a moment. You were clearly drained from exhaustion, your undereye circles more pronounced. “I thought I told you to get sleep, soldier,” he fired, a hint of anger in his voice. You pounced to explain, “Squad Leader Hange, sir, sh-she… I had to help w-with th--” His grip on your hair tightened as he anchored your face a bit closer to his. He was ignoring you and your poor, stuttered excuse. “I didn’t take you as one to disobey my orders, brat. Perhaps you should be punished.” Your mouth immediately went dry. _Why is this getting strangely erotic? Is it just me?_ You blinked once, trying to push your ridiculously lewd thoughts out of your mind. You licked your lips as your mouth slightly fell open, his eyes trailing down to the sight of your mouth. Gazing just for a moment, his other hand reached out and gently pushed up on your chin to close your mouth. Letting go of his grip on your hair, you both stood in the same spot, him slightly looming over you. “You’re to clean my office, private. Understood?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

* * *

Levi’s punishments were no joke. His office wasn’t exactly small, either. You had to roll up his rug and sweep the entire floor. Followed by this, you had to scrub the floorboards with a sponge. 

By this point, you were on your hands and knees, viciously scrubbing the baseboards as ordered. Levi returned to his office with a steaming cup of tea, not saying a word to you as he shut the door behind him. He took one glance at the floor before saying, “Your cleaning skills are atrocious.” Sitting up, you wiped the sweat off your forehead with your sleeve, turning to him. “Oh, please forgive me, sir,” you dramatically cried out, sarcastically placing the back of your hand on your forehead. You normally weren’t one to mock your superiors, but your fatigue and exasperation drastically lowered your decision-making skills, causing your wit and tongue to be faster than your reasoning. Levi looked at you with one long, slow blink, before walking over to his desk and sitting on it cross-legged as you went back to intensely cleaning.

“Just how long did you sleep, brat?” he demanded so nonchalantly. You paused. “About two hours or so…” you calmly lied to him. You had no idea what he would do if he actually found out. “ _Tch,_ how disobedient,” he murmured to himself. You felt a drop of sweat roll down your forehead. _Thank, God for lying. What would he do if he actually found out? Throw you out a window? He’s making me clean his entire fucking office for not sleeping! This guy’s a different breed…_

A sudden knock came from the outside of Levi’s office, followed by a young man saying, “Captain Levi, sir. Commander Erwin requests your presence at once.” Levi maintained his signature frown as he set his tea down and began trailing towards the doorway. Before opening the door, he turned to you. “Stay here and keep cleaning until it’s spotless,” he simply ordered before closing you in his office alone. 

In the hour that he was gone, you finished cleaning the baseboards, as well as redoing the floors and cleaning the two window sills in his office. By the time you were done, you felt like you were on the verge of passing out on his freshly cleaned floor.

Turning the doorknob, he entered once more with a blank expression, holding a folder tucked against his thigh. You immediately stood up and saluted him. “Sir, I’ve completed the task at hand,” you said in an attempt to be formal, praying there would be no more punishment left. Levi took a few steps towards you until the both of you were about a foot apart.

“Good girl.” _Good girl._ You stopped breathing. Did he know what he was doing to you? Or was your mind just that perverse? _You’re just a huge fucking weirdo._ You doubted he had other intentions behind his words. After all, not only was he your superior officer, he was also about a decade older than you. You were sure he wasn’t interested in someone like you, who seemed to be naive and “disobedient”. Your face had gone bright red without you even realizing, and you lacked any sort of response to those two god forsaken words.

“You’re dismissed. Now, go take a nap, brat,” he ordered as he pushed past you, casually striding back to his desk. You didn’t even turn around to look at him as you shuffled to the door with a pitiful, quiet, “Sir.” Closing the door behind you, you blinked a few times. Maybe you were just delirious for getting so riled up over your Captain saying _good girl_ , but either way, you sure as hell weren’t going to disobey his orders this time. You began to head down to the women’s barracks for a long awaited nap.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all fancying this fic so far! I'm sorry it's taking so long to get to ~the good stuff~, but it is slow burn after all. You signed up for this.
> 
> Rest assured, it'll be worth it in the end. Until then, enjoy!

You hadn’t seen your wondrous Captain Levi in a few weeks after he had forced you to deep clean his office. In fact, you had barely seen him around the compound except occasionally when you’d spot him during a meal. You hadn’t even mentioned anything to your friends about Levi. While you knew your friends were just being playful in their teasing, sometimes it got too childish. He was, after all, your superior officer. 

You just so happened to be head over heels for him too. That was besides the point however, you didn’t need any more enabling in your fantasies. Though, you were still constantly caught up with him in your mind. _Gee, (F/N), he made you clean his entire fucking office and now you like him_ **_more_** _? You’re seriously in some deep shit._

Both you and Mike were overseeing the cadets practicing as usual. It was quite apparent that you were zoning out, frankly not even looking at the cadets themselves but the ground in front of you instead. “Hey.”

You were instantly snapped out of your lewd, intrusive thoughts about your own Captain. Peering up, you saw Mike was glancing over at you with caring eyes. “You alright?” 

Looking back at him, you gave a quaint smile and nod. “Getting enough sleep?” he kindly questioned. You let out a small snort. “Yeah, why does everyone keep asking about that?” you muttered in response. “We’re just looking out for you, kid,” he stated, looking back to the cadets. You stared at Mike for a brief moment. _What does Levi think of him? Are they good friends? …_

_You’re sounding pretty fucking obsessed right now, (F/N)._ But still, Levi was something ethereal to you. Humanity’s strongest, and he was there, calling you a _good girl_. You shuddered at the not so distant memory. _Fuck it._

“So…” you began, rubbing your arm shyly. Mike glanced back at you with utter indifference. “What do you know about Captain Levi?” you straightforwardly questioned. He cocked a brow at you. “Not much,” he said, turning to the field. “The guy is pretty mysterious, I’ll give him that. I know he grew up in the Underground.” You watched him speak, giving him a firm nod, you replied, “I’ve heard about that, too. I didn’t know if it was true, though.” 

“Sure is. You know what else?” Mike looked at you through the corner of his eye, something familial of a smirk on his blasted face. You wondrously blinked in response. “He was a thief before Erwin dragged him into the scouts,” he told you in nonchalance. You stopped breathing for a second. “A pretty notorious one in the Underground, at that,” he said, closing his eyes and resting his hands behind his head. 

_No fucking way._

_Levi? Captain Levi?_ **_That_ ** _Levi? He was a criminal before he joined the Recon Corps? Why? How? What the fuck?_

Your brain swarmed with hundreds of questions, staring back at Mike like a bimbo. So many damn questions and your mouth fell open with nothing but a small squeak. “So…” you trailed off, attempting to organize your thoughts. “At first, I didn’t really like the guy myself. Thought he was fishy,” his nostrils flared, “But damn, after a while, you get used to someone like him. He’s not so bad,” Mike went on. 

* * *

You found yourself in Hange’s office, helping her with paperwork as usual. However, she was on one of her (usual) rants about titans and her recent discoveries in terms of them. You noticed the second you walked in the door, she had that weird gleam in her eye. You still stayed. Not like you had much of a say in it, either. Your thoughts were still preoccupied with Levi’s past. It was unbelievable. An infamous thief from the Underground, made to join the scouts by Erwin’s hand. That criminal climbed his way up the ranks, making himself to be _Captain,_ and that god damned thief just so happened to be _the_ Captain Levi. _The one who made my tea for me, the way I like it? For fuck’s sake…_

Your head was resting in your arms as you listened to your Squad Leader ramble. “So, (F/N), as you see,” Hange was pointing her pen at random scrawls of notes all over a crumpled piece of paper at lightning speed. “We ended up cutting Albert’s lower leg off at the joint. The knee, to be exact. My poor Albert, I couldn’t stand it!” she cried out. “We had to do the same with Chicacchironi, just terrible,” she was barely taking any breaths. “Get this. We severed Albert’s limb first, but yet…” Hange paused to take one deep breath. “Chicacchironi’s leg regenerated much quicker than Albert’s! As you can see,” she was practically drooling at this point, pointing to some illegible numbers on the paper, “Chicacchironi’s entire leg _including_ the foot was regenerated in about 18.5662 minutes. The same couldn’t be said for Albert.” She had been going on like this for nearly an hour and a half at that point. You watched her in udder drole. And on top of that, you were parched. You decided to speak up. “Section Comma--”

“The rest of his leg was wholly regenerated in thirty- _eight_ minutes. And a quarter, but who cares about the quarter? That’s over double the time it took for little Chicacchironi to fully recuperate!” You blinked at Hange. _This bitch is really on a roll,_ your subconscious was glaring at her. 

“Section C--” 

“It was incredible! Who knew it could vary that much, titan by titan? I can’t imagine what it would be like if we had just snagged an abnormal. Anyway, so, we needed more data to work with. We started by cutting off their fingers, and--” 

“Hange!” you spoke up at her, raising your head.

“Yes, what is it, (F/N)?” she asked with fervency. You could tell she just wanted to keep talking at the speed of light. You took your moment while you could.

“Do you… uh… Are you thirsty or anything? I can get us some water,” you politely offered as a quick excuse to get a break from titan talk. Hange dropped her pen and sat back in her chair, kicking her legs up. “Sure, why not?” she gave you such a genuine smile. As crazy as she was, you really looked up to her. She was passionate in the things that she did, and you had a lot of respect for it. Especially because she was doing all this research, not just for her, but to help with insight on the greatest threat humanity had ever encountered. But, God, she was giving you a migraine. “Of course,” you said as you got up, “I’ll be right back.”

You took your time walking to the kitchenette, cracking individual knuckles and massaging your temples. _My mind is getting fucked harder than I’ve ever been myself,_ you silently laughed at your own rumination. 

Turning the corner, you flounced to the cabinets of the kitchenette. As you went to open the twin doors, an unmistakable, cool voice called out in the little room, “You’re not even going to say hello?” You gasped, your body slightly jumping. You hadn’t even realized someone else was in there with you. Turning your head quickly, you saw no other than Captain Levi, sitting cross-legged with his tea in his hand, not even facing you. Wholesomely aloof, his arm was haphazardly thrown across the back of his chair. He was just sitting there, enjoying his tea all alone in the office kitchenette. Your mouth fell open in consternation. “Sir, Captain Levi,” you blurted out, frankly not knowing what in the Hell to say. _I knew you were dumb, but oblivious too? Come on, (F/N),_ the little voice in your head scrutinized you. “G-good evening… Sorry, I didn’t notice you. I guess I’m just caught up in some shit,” you managed to squeak out before returning to the cabinets for two glasses. _DUH! He’s the shit you’re caught up on!_

Levi didn’t say another word to you. Nor did he even look at you. He just sat there, sipping on his tea in complete tranquility. This was the first time you had seen him so close to you in weeks. Admittedly, you were nervous and flustered. You completely walked past your Captain without even acknowledging him. _Huh, maybe he deserved the taste of his own medicine._ But yet, as you filled up the two glasses, you felt an immense amount of tension between the two of you. As if his energy was some brute force parading in the back of your mind, watching your every move. Your knees were nearly trembling. You were a mess, just in his unexpected presence.

  
Practically rushing out of the room, you stared back at the doorway, then to the glasses in your hands, and back at the doorway. You took one more look at the glasses before shaking your head and trotting headforth back to Hange’s office. _Real cool, (F/N). Like no other,_ you harshly lectured your own self in silence.


	5. Chapter 5

You didn’t miss your childhood. You didn’t miss how you’d have to run so fast and long that your lungs were burning and your knees were buckling. You didn’t miss the way your nostrils scalded with putridity, simply by walking down the streets of the poor slums you grew up in.

Thinking about how you were raised wasn’t something you particularly enjoyed, nor did you really let yourself. Sometimes, though, little things would practically send you back in time, reexperiencing the calamities of the past. Learning about Levi’s background was something that struck you deeply. Your parents were neglectful, always more focused on your older brother, Eduoard, who had gone into the Regiment as well. Graduating at the top of his Cadet Corps, he made the quick decision to join the Military Police. You hadn’t heard from him since.

You were an attention-starved, young teenager. Moreover, you didn’t necessarily pick the best friends to hang around. Eventually, stealing was something you and your clique participated in for fun. It was nothing like Levi, you weren’t an infamous thief. You were a little shit kid with nothing better to do, committing the most petty acts of theft.

Thievery gave you a bona fide thrill. It was nothing like you had ever experienced before. You thought you were untouchable, skilled and manipulative in your craft. Truth be told, you weren’t. How good could a thirteen-year-old be at stealing loaves of bread and trinkets?

You remembered exactly what happened. The recollection was burnt into your brain. You had stolen an apple to eat on your way home. Tucking it under your jacket, you remember the harsh yank on your collar, turning to see a lanky figure looming over you. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” the bone chilling voice made your pupils dilate. Looking up, you recognized the emblem on his jacket. It had been an MP.

You hadn’t entirely escaped that side of your life, either. Jas was a full-blown kleptomaniac. There had been times where she would steal three times the amount of rations allowed for expeditions. And Hell, how could you blame her? You still had klepto tendencies yourself. Some things were just so _easy_ to take, and no one would notice. It wasn’t something you were proud of, but at the same time, you didn’t try to think too much about it. You spent your entire life running away from everything; your thoughts, your past, your tendencies and ideologies. This was no different. 

You were in the library alone, about two hundred pages deep in some fantasy book that you had just started the day before. The library was one of the only quiet places you could escape to during the day when you had the time. Turning the page, you were clinging to the words like life support. The plot was really starting to pick up… and then you heard a loud _THWACK!_ along with some murmured cursing. You were instantly snapped back to reality, looking to your right, seeing Jas turn around the corner of a high bookshelf. “Fuck, dude,” Jas whispered with malice, “Where the Hell did that chair come from?” She quickly limped over to you, rubbing her shin. “He-” you began to greet her before her nimble hand slapped itself over your mouth. “Shut up and listen. I have to tell you something, and you can’t tell anyone else. Okay?” she spoke quickly and with purpose, and she had a horrific, devious look on her face. _No. Oh, God. What did she do this time?_

Her hand released from your mouth, watching you with intensity. “Geez, Jas, who would I even tell? What is it? _What did you do?”_

Jas kneeled next to you, looking up at you, her hand placed on the back of your chair. She was still speaking in a very low voice, much more hushed than usual. “Ugh, I don’t know. Like your boyfriend, Levi. Seriously, don’t tell anyone! Promise?” You rolled your eyes at her insinuating that Levi was anything like your boyfriend. “I don’t even know what it is! But fine, I promise I won’t tell anyone. Spit it out already,” you were getting impatient. “Okay…” she began with a low, malevolent laugh. You watched her with widened eyes. 

“I may have, let’s say… Borrowed a small keg from the mess hall kitchen,” she covered her own mouth to prevent an uproarious laugh from spilling out. _A. Small. Keg._

_How the fuck did she steal a keg, even if it was small?_

“Jas, what? A whole ass keg? _How?_ Are you insane? This is going to fuck you in the ass!” you kept your tone checked as you nearly lectured your elder counterpart. “I have my ways,” she retorted with candor. You glared at her in complete shock. 

“So, whaddaya say? Let’s get piss drunk tonight,” she offered with a sly wink. You poked her in the forehead. “Dummy! What if we get caught? Then, what?” you interrogated her.

“By the fucking walls, (F/N), what’s not clicking? I stole an entire keg and no one has said anything to me _._ It’s not that hard to get away with shit here. Keep it on the low, and we won’t get caught. It’s that simple!” You still watched her with hesitation. You hardly ever drank, mostly because there were very rare occasions when alcohol was served to the scouts. The idea wasn’t sounding too bad, but the thought of the last time you broke the rules around this place haunted you. Cleaning Levi’s office _was not_ enjoyable.

“Come on, (F/N),” Jas gave you one of her rare, honest smiles. “Just live for once! You’re always holding back. It’ll be fun, I promise!” You pondered her offer for a few more moments. “Okay, fine,” you let out with a sigh. Jas grabbed both of your hands and shook them with excitement. “Good! I knew you weren’t that much of a pissy pants. Let’s meet in the east corner of the library tonight, around ten. Okay? Great. See you, then!” she hastily told you, standing up and rushing off to God knows where. You watched her slim figure disappear around the corner before dropping your head in your hands. _You’re an idiot._

* * *

You sulked for the rest of the day, occasionally checking up on Hange in her lab and briefly chatting with fellow members of the corps. It had been a quarter to ten when you excused yourself from the commons to escape to the opposite side of the compound, where the library was located. Quietly pushing the door open and watching it shut, you let your eyes adjust to the pitch blackness. _Damn,_ you thought, _I should’ve brought a lantern._

Wandering through the oversized room, you eventually caught a glimpse of hazy, warm light radiating from in between two bookshelves. Casually strolling over, you peeked your head around the corner, spotting Jas, Peter, and Carlie on the floor, all sitting around a kerosene lamp. “Psst,” you shyly greeted them, making your way to nuzzle into the group. “Hey! Didn’t think you’d show,” Jas greeted back, throwing an arm around your shoulders. They all kept their voices hushed. “Seriously, though. Who would turn down booze these days?” Peter questioned as he reached into his bag and pulled out four glasses, one for each of you.

Before you knew it, you were already three and a half glasses of ale into the night. Carlie wasn’t the best at holding her weight, as her cheeks and the bridge of her nose were already shaded with a bright pink, and her words were slightly slurring. Peter had been telling a story about being on bathroom cleaning duty, when a rookie kicked an exposed pipe, causing sewage to explode out of it. Carlie could barely contain her laughter as both you and Jas were falling over each other, snickering and whooping. “The smell… It was traumatic,” Peter admitted with a giant smile on his face, just happy he made his comrades laugh so hard. “Speaking of bathrooms, be right back. I really have to take a leak,” Peter told you all before quickly excusing himself. You finished off your fourth drink and set the glass where Peter was sitting, Jas doing the same with hers. “Sho... “ Carlie began with a slur, “Girl talk time! Have you two been thinking about any cute guys lately?” she questioned with a small giggle. You looked at her, then looked at Jas. She had an odd expression, one you rarely ever saw. You tried to remember when she’d made that same face before, but your memory was falling short. Admittedly, you were pretty damn intoxicated by this point. 

Turning back to Carlie, you shook your head. You may have been drunk off your ass, but you were not going to admit how whipped you were over your shared captain. “Well, I have,” Carlie almost immediately fessed. You leaned closer to her. “No way! Who?”

Carlie was a ridiculously saintly girl, with cinnamon-colored curly locks and bright brown eyes. She was reserved when you first met her, but she soon proved to be just as vulgar as you and Jas. She just hid it better behind her innocent face. 

“Eld,” she solemnly told the both of you. At this, you and Jas both glanced at each other with furrowed brows and upturned lips before you let out a scoff. “Girl, ew. You know you can do better than that,” you looked at Carlie with sad eyes. She shrugged her shoulders. “He’s so sweet to me, nicer than anyone else here.”

“Probably because he just wants to get in your pants,” Jas chimed in, leaning back on her arms. “Pfft,” you pushed on her thigh. “He’s second in command of the Levi squad. I’m sure he’s more professional than that,” you told Jas.

“You give our superiors too much credit, (F/N). They’re still nasty men,” Jas spat in retort. “Yeah, I bet you don’t think that about Erwin, though,” you replied in haste. You knew Jas respected Erwin. He had always been like a father figure to her. She teasingly punched your shoulder. “So? I bet you don’t think that about your precious Captain Levi, either!” You rolled your eyes so hard it took your vision a second to recover. “Why do you keep bringing him up? I’ve helped him like, once!” 

“Hey! This is a no lying zone,” Carlie butted into your bickering. You turned back to Carlie. “What do you mean..?” you suspiciously inquired, your stomach turning a bit. Jas let out a clear guffaw. “You really think Hange doesn’t tell us stuff? The woman can’t keep her mouth shut for shits and bricks.” Your nose crinkled in response. “Big whoop, I help him out sometimes. I just didn’t tell you guys because you get so annoying about it.”

Carlie let out a boisterous laugh. “That, and… We totally saw Levi grab your hair in the mess hall. Kinky,” she jokingly suggested. Your mouth dropped open. “Oh, my God! It wasn’t like that!” Both Jas and Carlie broke out into small fits of laughter. You didn’t notice Peter come back. You didn’t even notice him sit down until you heard the hard crunch and shatter of glass. You all stopped conversing and turned to Peter. “ _DUDE!_ Stand up!” you ordered, Peter jumping to his feet. “What did you guys put under my ass?” he instantly accused you three. 

Two of your drinking glasses had been destroyed. Thankfully, none of it actually went through his pants, but there definitely were some shards sticking to his thigh. Without thinking, you swiped your hand down his leg to rid him of the glass bits, giving yourself a sharp cut across your palm. However, your senses were numbed and you could barely feel it, so you didn’t mention it to your friends.

“Shit, you guys. Now what?” Peter asked. “I have a brilliant idea!” you immediately offered, liquid courage coursing through your veins. You forgot, you got too ballsy when you drank. 

“I’ll go stop by the office wing and snag two glasses from that kitchenette. Boom, easy peasy!” your drunken mind had no doubt in your stupid plan. The four of you could’ve just stopped drinking, or even just shared the two remaining glasses. However, all of your decision making skills were at an all-time low, so when Jas and Carlie nodded at you in agreement, you hopped up to spring into action. 

You somehow made your way up the stairs to the office wing unscathed. Though, you could really feel the last glass of ale kicking in by this point. The hallway began to move in waves, and your feet felt heavy, but you continued to trot down the halls. Looking down, you were watching your step, making sure you didn’t trip and eat shit on nothing in the middle of the office wing. Glancing up, you saw a small body making his way down the opposite side of the hallway. _Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit!_

Both you and Levi were about to pass each other when you blurted out, “Captain Levi… _hiccup!"_ In a failed attempt to greet your superior _,_ you immediately smacked your right hand over your mouth, trying to stop the hiccup from escaping, as if it didn’t already. Levi instantly stopped in his tracks, yet you kept walking, unsure of what to do. 

This is when he grabbed your wrist, and you could’ve sworn your heart stopped beating. You nervously turned to face him. “What are you doing?” he unemotionally asked you. “Uhm… getting some water…” you said, averting your gaze and he looked right through you. Your face was flushed as all Hell, more than he’d ever seen before. On top of that, he could smell your shaky breath from where he was, and it reeked of alcohol. “Have… Have you been drinking?” he tried to look at you dead in your eyes, but you were still staring at the wooden floor. Instead of responding, you tried to pull your wrist away from his tight grip. He looked down at his grasp, and noticed a deep red drop on the floor. His eyes widened as he turned your hand in his palm, revealing a giant slice of crimson through your own palm, with blood dripping and seeping out of the wound. “What the Hell?” he glared back up at your shy face. “What did you do? You’re drunk, aren’t you?” 

“No!” you looked back at him. Levi’s face was shadowed as his eyes bore into you.

“So, you’re a drunk _and_ a liar.” 

“I’m not a drunk!”

“Just a liar, then?” 

Immaturely, you blew a raspberry at him. Levi, however, was not in a playful mood. He grabbed your face in his hand, pulling you close. Your eyes widened as his fingers drove into your soft cheeks. His grip on you was actually painful. “Where the fuck did you get alcohol?” he dangerously interrogated, enunciating each word. Tears stung your eyes as you shook your head in defiance. There was always one thing you took very seriously: promises. You weren’t going to rat out Jas for this. It was still _your_ dumb idea for going to the office wing while you were on your ass.

Levi saw your eyes become glassy as you shook your head like a sophomoric child. His grip was still tight on your wrist as he watched you. For some reason, he didn’t feel any sort of tinge of anger towards you. It was an emotion he couldn’t quite put his finger on, and it was frustrating even himself. He let out a soft grunt. “Fuck, come on, brat,” he said, giving your wrist another squeeze so he could lead you down the hallway. He led you straight to his office. Closing the door behind him, he ordered you to sit on his desk. Hoisting yourself up, you felt a sharp sting on your hand. You left a bloody handprint on the wood. “Ow, fuck,” you looked at your hand. It was a lot worse than you remembered in the library. 

He spotted the splotch of blood on his freshly waxed desk and gave you one foul glance. “Disgusting,” he spat out. You didn’t say anything in response. You didn’t even know why you were sitting on his desk. _This shit is wild,_ you thought with a clouded conscience. Levi was digging through a cabinet when he pulled out a small, dark wooden box. Opening it, you could see that it was a medical kit. Pouring isopropyl onto a cotton pad, he took your wrist more gently than before and began cleaning up your wound. As soon as the alcohol grazed your cut, you reeled your hand back. “ _OW!”_ you exclaimed at him. “ _Tch!”_ he let out as he took your hand once more, harsher to keep it in place. “Owowow!” you cried out again, trying to tug your hand away. “You’re a fucking hot mess right now, you know that?” he cooly told you, cleaning up your bloody hand.

Your smile lit up your face, letting out a small squeak. “You think I’m hot?” you questioned with dead seriousness. You were really drunk. Levi didn’t respond to your dumb question as he kept cleaning up your wound. “You might forget about this, but I’m not going to let you. Don’t think you’re off the hook, girl,” he said in a lower tone than usual. You blinked at him and let out a sassy _hmph!_ “Will you hurry it up? I have activities to get back to!” you attempted to rush him, remembering your friends down in the library. He let out a low hum to himself. “You’re an idiot. An idiot brat. Idiot brats like you shouldn’t be drinking,” he said as he pulled out gauze to wrap around your injured hand. 

“You don’t know anything about me!” you fired back. You leaned forward, towards his face that had been focused on your hand. “I know about you, though,” you blatantly told him in an eerie voice. Without hesitance, Levi looked back up at you with his bored face. “Is that so?” he retorted in his clear cut, usual tone.

Unsure of what to say, you gave him a dignified head turn and a loud, proud sigh. When he finished wrapping your new wound, he stepped back to put the small box away. “Let’s go,” he told you with a simple head nod towards the door. “I can get back to where I came from… _hiccup! ..._ on my own!” you bravely told him as you stood up. Taking your first step, you almost lost balance, and wobbled in place. He let out a small chuckle at the sight. “First of all, it looks like you can’t even fucking walk,” he patronized you. Then, he took a few steps towards you. “Second of all,” he murmured, before grabbing you by the waist and unexpectedly throwing you over his left shoulder. “...You’re not going back to where you came from. You’re going to fucking bed.” 

All you could see was the upside down view of Levi’s side and his office disappearing behind the two of you. “Hey!” you started throwing incredibly weak punches at the back of thighs. “Let me down! I don’t need you to babysit me!” You tried to wiggle your way out, but it was literally pointless. Levi was way too strong for you, even when you were sober. “I think you do,” he simply responded, holding his tight grip on you and carrying you down the hallway. Eventually, you gave up and hung on his shoulder limply. You watched his feet teeter down the halls. Levi was so eloquent in everything that he did. Your brain stopped computing for a second, taking a second to realize what the fuck was actually happening. _You’re piss drunk right now and being carried by Levi to bed. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?_

Your head hung in shame when you realized what happened, and what was probably in store for you. If he made you clean his office for not sleeping, you had no idea what the reparations were for being blasted (for no reason) in the presence of Levi. Finally, you two reached the door of the women’s quarters. He carefully set you down, trying to make sure you wouldn’t flop over onto the ground. You leaned on the wall and grabbed a hold of the doorknob, turning back to him. He stared at you with his arms folded across his chest. You were unsure of what to say, or if you should even say anything. “Go,” he ordered, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You blinked at him twice, giving him a simple nod and opening the door. Closing it behind you, you fell back against the shut door. 

_Fuck._


	6. Chapter 6

The sounds of the other scouts waking up and getting ready today felt like a sledgehammer had just split the top of your skull in half. Your eyelids stuck together as you sat up in your bed, prying them apart. The gentle sunrays filtering in through the window sent a violent pain down the back of your head. _Am I sick?_ was your first thought as you clutched onto the blanket for dear life. The grasp on your blanket was quickly released as you felt an intense soreness in your left hand. Looking down, you saw gauze expertly wrapped around your palm. You felt bile tease your esophagus at the first sight of it, the memories from last night crashing down into your reality. You were staring at Levi’s handiwork.

Your recollection from the previous night was not the greatest. You remembered some of your encounter with Levi, sitting on his desk as he scolded you whilst caring for your wound. Specifics were absent from you, though. You wanted to think it was an intense and vivid dream, but the bandage on your hand was a painful reminder of how much of an idiot you could be. 

You got up, taking a quick shower in hopes that the water might wash away your fierce hangover. The attempt proved to be futile when your heinous migraine had no signs of going away. You decided to power through it, getting dressed and heading out to the training grounds to help Mike oversee cadet practice. Slowly approaching, you could see Mike, but someone else had already joined him. “Hey,” you quietly called out from behind the two. Both Nanaba and Mike turned around to look at you. “The Hell?” Mike questioned, “Get out of here.” You blinked at him in confusion. “What? Why?” Did you get fired from your job? Did everyone know what happened last night?

“Levi stopped by my office this morning, told me you were under the weather and couldn’t come today. Seriously, kid, get out of here. I’m not trying to get sick,” he ordered, as Nanaba gave you a polite smile. 

_Ohhh, shit._

You didn’t say another word to either of them before turning around and heading back inside HQ. Unsure of what your next move should be, you ended up making your way to the mess hall for breakfast. Maybe food would help your splitting headache. You quickly spotted Jas, Carlie and Peter sitting in their normal spot in the large hall. Making your way over to them, Jas looked up and immediately spotted you. She stood up and took a few steps to meet you. 

“(F/N)! What the fuck happened last night? You just disappeared! Are you okay? Did anything bad happen?” Jas immediately threw a handful of worried questions your way. You held your head in pain. Letting out a sigh, you tried to keep your voice to a minimum. “Levi…” you said in a breath. “He caught me in the office wing,” you told her as you looked across the large room. You almost immediately spotted Levi. The worst part? He was looking right back at you. You silently panicked. He was watching you, and he wasn’t dumb either. It didn’t take that much investigative work to see that your notorious group of friends were the culprit in the drinking situation.

“Levi caught you?” her eyes squinted at you. “And just what the fuck did he do with you? God, (F/N), please tell me you didn’t tell him I stole! You promised you wouldn’t!” she grabbed your shoulders and shook you. “Jas, sit down,” you looked back at her with total seriousness. Taking a seat next to her, you tried your best to explain what had happened. “No, I didn’t tell him and I won’t. But he knows I was drinking.” You caught another glimpse of him. Levi was no longer glaring daggers at you. Instead, he was having an earnest conversation with Commander Erwin. You let out a small sigh. “I’m in deep shit, you guys,” you admitted, “I kind of don’t even remember what happened. I know that he…” you trailed off as you raised your injured hand. “And, then he…” you were so caught up in your thoughts, you couldn’t finish your sentence because you had remembered that he also _carried_ your drunken self back to the women’s quarters. You were mortified.

Your three friends watched you with horror, because you looked like shit and you were sounding delusional. “Are you, like… okay? Did he hurt you?” Peter asked with total sympathy, staring at your hand. They had no idea what had happened to you, and your explanation to them was pretty lacking. “No, this was my fault. The last thing he told me was ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’, though. I’m totally in for it.”

Jas looked like she saw a ghost. It was rare that she apologized, mostly because she was generally just a tough person and had intentions behind her actions, never giving her much of a reason to. However, her face was filled with sadness. “(F/N), I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done it, you were right. Shit, I’m so fucking sorry,” her voice was shaking. You turned to her, and gave her the toothiest smile you could despite your aching brain. “Jas, don’t worry about it. I’m the one that fucked up. And I’d save your ass anyday,” you reassured her with a wink.

After a bland breakfast, you just sat there, staring at the table. Your friends had excused themselves as they had their duties to attend to for the rest of the day, but you had no idea what to do. You were exhausted, felt like you needed to puke and never wanted another sip of alcohol again. The mess hall was gradually clearing out as the other scouts had finished their breakfast, but you remained seated.

Then, a familiar voice called out from behind you. “Brat, get going. My office, now,” Levi commanded, walking right past you. Scrambling to your feet, you followed him. You had no idea what kind of brutal punishment he had in store for you, but God, at least he was nice to look at. “Feeling alright?” he turned to you, his side profile on full display. “No,” you answered simply and honestly. Levi faced forwards again, opening his office door to let you in. “That’s what happens to brats who don’t follow rules,” he told you as you strolled in past him. 

You sat in the chair across from him as you watched him plop down. Levi took no time to look at you before he slid over an enormous stack of paperwork. “You better get started. You’re not leaving here until it’s done,” he simply told you before returning to work of his own. Your stomach felt heavy with sickness at the mere sight of all that paperwork. It was probably going to take you until sunset to get it done, but yet, you were expecting way worse. _Maybe this is only the first bit of my punishment?_

Only a few minutes into paperwork and you were already groaning in pain. The strain on your eyes was causing your headache to travel down your neck, increasing your nausea. You put your pen down for a moment to run your hands through your hair. “Don’t you dare stop,” he demanded without even looking up from his own papers. “You should be grateful that this is all I’m having you do for now.” Annoyed, you picked the pen back up and continued.

“Stop acting like you’re doing me a favor,” you told him, not bothering to look up. “This fucking sucks.” Your pen scrawled across the paper quickly. 

“If you play with fire, you’re going to get burnt, ” Levi instantly retorted.

“You talk to me like a child. Spare me the lecture, please.”

“You act like a child, idiot.”

“I just made a poor judgment call when I was inebriated.” You were getting really irritated.

“That judgment call could’ve gotten you in much deeper shit,” his eyes were darkened as his voice lowered just slightly. “What do you think happens to young women like you, when they’re walking around at night all alone? Especially when they’re as influenced as you were?”

You didn’t have a response this time.

“Do you have any idea how lucky you are that you came across me? What if Hange found you? You could’ve been kicked off your squad. What if Erwin found you? You could’ve been kicked out of the fucking Survey Corps, brat. Don’t you understand?” 

You kept your silence. Levi was right. If he wanted to make you feel like a naive juvenile, he did just that. You still didn’t look up at him, and he didn’t continue on.

A few moments passed before you finally peered up. “You won’t tell them, will you?” you asked with a quiet voice. You hadn’t even thought about the possibility of Hange or Erwin finding out.

Levi looked back at you. “No, not as long as you follow your orders, and only if you never pull some shit like that again,” he solemnly said. Giving him a firm nod, you returned to your nauseating load of work in front of you.

He had come and gone from his office a handful of times as you sat there, continuing to grind out your assigned task. You had been overlooking files for newly induced cadets into the Survey Corps when Levi returned again, setting down a steaming cup of tea for himself. The scent of his office was strangely comforting to you. It was like a breath of fresh air, working to slightly relieve your toxic hangover. His hand returned to his own paperwork as you watched out of the corner of your eye. For the first time, you noticed how neat his handwriting was. It looked like a font from a printing press. Your thoughts wandered back to Levi’s upbringing, and you could just feel your heartbeat speeding up.

Despite you having an overwhelming desire to vomit everywhere and go to sleep, you had realized that you had an enormous amount of respect for him. Levi could have dragged you to Erwin’s office the moment he realized you had been drinking. He could’ve told Hange and had you instantly deranked. He could’ve told Mike and had you relieved from cadet training. But he didn’t do any of that. He was just sitting there with you in his office as you both completed paperwork in silence. Before you knew him personally, you didn’t expect him to be like this. He could be strict and harsh, yes, but he wasn’t as menacing as people painted him to be. His hard demeanor and straight face made it easy to believe that he’d kill you in a split second.

It simply was not true. He cared, like Hange and Erwin. Perhaps he cared differently, in his own way. Nevertheless, you could see why he was Captain. He was mature and responsible, looking out for his comrades. Levi wasn’t sweet or soft, but he was still human.

Without thinking, you glanced up at him. “Sir?” you questioned. His eyes met yours quickly, he gave no verbal response. You just had an innate desire to talk to him, to hear his voice. “How… Why… Why did you join the Survey Corps?” you asked. You pretty much knew the answer, thanks to Mike, but you wanted to hear him say it. He watched you with his drole expression for a few moments before taking a quick inhale. “It wasn’t by choice, not at first,” he plainly answered. Levi continued to write. It was clear he wasn’t very keen on conversations. “Section Commander Mike told me. He said you were a thief before,” the words just spilled out of your mouth, and you weren’t stopping yourself. Levi paused for a moment, his pen no longer gliding across the page in front of him. His eyes met yours once again. “Mike told you that? Sneaky little bastard, of course he did,” he said, reading your face for a second. You just looked back at him, staring at his cold face. He looked like a damn masterpiece. You expected him to just return to his work in silence once more, but he spoke again.

“And just why did he tell you that?” he wondered. Your breath got caught in your throat. You couldn’t lie, not now. It would be obvious. You were looking right at him. Letting out a defeated sigh, you admitted, “B-because I asked, sir.” Levi’s expression didn’t falter, but his tone did. “So the brat’s been asking about me, huh?” Your cheeks immediately darkened to a rose color, your brain humming with white noise. Averting your eyes, you were too embarrassed to respond. “What about you, then, girl? What secrets could she be hiding?” he basically thought aloud. You could never read him. Was this him being playful? You gave him a bashful little smile, just before you went pale. Another crashing wave of torment ran through your temples to the back of your skull. The heels of your palm instantly covered your eyes, letting out a dull groan in pain. “I never want to drink again,” you murmured, moreso to yourself. 

“Wait here,” Levi said as he exited his office once more. Letting out a sigh, you continued on your paperwork. You seriously felt like shit, but at least Levi’s mere existence was lessening the blow. 

You heard the door creak open and close twenty-some minutes later. His boots tapped on the floor as he approached you from behind. Levi’s narrow body leaning over your own, he placed a cup of hot black tea next to your work. Then, his hand turned and opened, dropping two small white pills on the desk. You watched his arms and hands move carefully, and your sheepish flush returned to your face. Levi’s presence made your body feel like electricity. You furrowed your brows at what he had just set down for you. 

“You’re trying to drug me?” you half-joked at him. “It’s for your head, brat. Take them. I don’t wanna hear you whining anymore.” Levi’s words may have been harsh, but the fact that he even got you tea and medicine was making your heart flutter. Although he could be clumsy and rude in the way that he spoke, you could tell his intentions were good. Levi made you feel safe, and you trusted him. You happily took the medicine with the tea he had brewed and sweetened for you. You felt like a million bucks as you returned to your work. 

The both of you shared a comfortable silence for the rest of the afternoon, completing your tasks in unison. Soon enough, the sky itself became a painting. Purple, orange and yellow hues blended together on the horizon as you finally finished your last page. You let out an accomplished sigh, your headache only a dull pain behind your eyes by then. Dropping your pen and sitting back, you took one more long look at your Captain. He was still focused on reading through a folder of God-knows-what, when he paused to see you finished your work. “You’re dismissed, (L/N). You’re to return here, tomorrow afternoon,” he ordered. “But sir, Section Commander Hange--” 

“I don’t give a damn about Hange,” Levi cut you off, “Tell her you have prior commitments. I’ll see you tomorrow, private.” Raising from your chair, you nodded. You watched him for a moment longer, a charming smile growing on your face. “Have a nice night, Captain Levi,” you said before leaving his office with confidence. Despite facing his punishments, you had felt that you and your Captain were finally coming around to being somewhat friends, and you couldn’t have been happier.


	7. Chapter 7

Despite Levi being light on the discipline when your hangover was raging, he hadn’t been so nice the following day. You were ordered to once again deep clean his entire office. This included moving the hefty loveseat and two oversized armchairs to scrub the floors underneath, along with individually dusting every book on his bookshelf. After, he had you clean the entirety of the stables with his supervision. Levi didn’t say much to you as you cleaned and you were too focused to strike up a conversation, but he was certainly fixated on you as you were on your hands and knees, cleaning like your life depended on it. He was _very_ anal-rententive about cleaning, so it wasn’t uncommon for him to double check your work for you, and without hesitation, he scolded you for doing such a lamentable job. The rumors about him being a clean freak had eventually morphed into fact.

By the time you had satisfied his expectations, you were spent. Your arms felt like jelly as you laid on the dirt ground, breathing heavy. You had grime caked under your fingernails, staining your knuckles along with smears of black and brown on your glistening face. Your white pants and blouse had been filthy as well. Levi overlooked you with his signature unamused face before rhetorically throwing a remark your way. “Did you use yourself as a rag, brat? Go take a damn shower,” was his way of dismissing you, before he casually walked off.

The both of you didn’t cross paths much after that. You occasionally saw him accompanying Hange, in which you wouldn’t exchange much besides brief eye contact and you greeting him with a passing, “Captain Levi.” Though, he never lingered around you for too long. Especially not in the presence of other people.

The distance did nothing to avert yourself from crushing on him. You thought about him an embarrassing amount. His hair, his eyes, his hands, his legs. Even the way he punished you, for God’s sake. The fact that he held you to a standard and enforced responsibility onto you, even if it was harsh. After all, you were a bit of a masochist. There wasn’t a detail about him that you didn’t adore. The twisting feeling you experienced in your abdomen never really went away, no matter how many glimpses you caught of him in the mess hall. While you felt more comfortable around him after your previous encounters, he still intimidated you to your core and coaxed out your nervous, shy side. He was still _the_ Captain Levi.

And you were shamelessly gobsmacked by him. It had been so long since you had a crush, especially one with such fiery passion. As a matter of fact, you were unsure if you had ever had a crush as intense and intoxicating.

However, the looming threat of the next expedition had been clouding your thoughts as well. Furthermore, your insomnia was a raging force that made work around HQ consistently more difficult. Especially because you weren’t one to let your work falter, simply because you had worked so meticulously to get where you were. You were proud of the progress you had made while in the Survey Corps. It took you only a year with the scouts to be personally picked for Hange’s squad. Training was something you took very seriously for yourself. You wanted to make your efforts count, both inside and outside of the walls. Physical strength definitely wasn’t one of your strong suits, and maneuvering ODM gear was not something easily learned or mastered, but you had worked persistently for years to hone your skill. Soon enough, you had been regarded as agile and adept in your abilities. Though, you did often forget that rookies had an abundant amount of respect for you. You talked to both your close comrades and subordinates with the same amount of dignity. You didn’t feel superior to anyone. In fact, behind closed doors you had been generally insecure. You were always pushing yourself to be better because you knew that there was so much more room for improvement.

You had two priorities that day. Firstly, Hange had asked you to meet her in her lab to tie up some loose ends on the month’s research. Secondly, Mike had asked you to tag along with him while he ran errands in Trost, outside of HQ. You gladly accepted his offer, mostly because it was rare that you ever had a reason to leave the grounds. There had been a few small, local shops that you’d been dying to repay a visit.

Arriving at Hange’s lab at least ten minutes before her was a common occurrence. She’d always been a woman of aptitude, although not necessarily in tidiness or time management. It never bothered you, though. You were always patient when it came to your squad leader. As usual, you took a seat on a stool while glancing over her crowded counters, full of papers and test samples. It seemed that a lot of the titan samples from your last visit were finally put away, and so the counters were lined with miniature empty glass vials. And of course, you being you, keeping your eyes off of them was getting increasingly more difficult. You always had a knack for small things, even if their purpose was for holding specimens. Letting out a quiet sigh to yourself, you checked the open doorway for any peepers before you quickly grabbed an empty, unused vial, before discreetly tucking it away into your pocket located inside your jacket. You then spaced out the small glasses on the counter, making a less noticeable gap in between them. _Once a thief, always a thief,_ your subconscious sang to your constant guilt-stricken side.

Hange strolled through the opening of her lab with a sing-songy, “Good morning!” You were tired and not exactly in a sociable mood, so you returned a wordless, curt smile back to her. She didn’t harp on the small things, so without paying you any mind, she went to search for the progress report files along with her own notes for you to start working with. Finding them in a reasonable amount of time, Hange turned to you. Her cheerful face dropped upon getting a look at your face. It was true that you often looked tired. You definitely didn’t drink a lot of water, nor did you take the time to do your makeup on the regular so you would often get comments acknowledging your exhausting-looking face. Even Levi and Mike had brought it to your attention. However, your eyes were extremely sunken that day and your face was devoid of color. You hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, due to having a nightmare about rewatching one of your squadmates getting brutally torn in half by an abnormal. You couldn’t fall back asleep after, on top of the fact that your bunkmate above you had been snoring insanely loud.

“Are you sick, (F/N)?” Hange questioned with worry tainting her normally chipper voice. You shook your head. “Just tired,” you shortly responded. A frown grew on Hange’s face as she plopped herself down on a stool across from you. “I can refer you to medication from the practitioners, if you want. It could help you sleep at night,” she offered with kindness. You gave her a small smile in return. “No, thanks, Section Commander. There’s just a lot on my mind lately, and the girls dorms can get really loud, you know? There’s sixteen of us in each room. It gets pretty noisy at night. Some girls snore louder than a titan’s footsteps!” you explained, before looking at the folders in her hands. Hange returned a silent, comforting smile to you before handing over your work for the day. She let you tend to your task in peace and quiet for the rest of the time you were there. 

You had finished soon enough, in about three hours or so, after completing what was left of the month’s report along with triple checking all your information, making sure all of the new discoveries were noted in reports that Hange’s superiors had to read. She dismissed you, but as you headed for the door, she spoke, “(F/N), thank you for all you do. I mean it. Your contributions have made the Survey Corps a better place.” You looked back at her, completely caught off guard. Affirmations from your higher-ups like that were few and far between. For the first time in a while, you stood straight and gave her a strong salute. “It’s my pleasure, always have, and always will be,” you told her before leaving her to tend to her personal tasks.

Eventually, you and Mike had met up. You were still utterly drained but Hange’s comment had brightened your day. You also looked forward to having a look around the city. 

For the most part, Mike’s errands were generally mundane and not very enjoyable. You waited outside of a Garrison corporal’s office for nearly two hours. Mike ended up emerging from the room slightly tipsy. Eventually, you had both finally headed over to the market side of town which was crowded as usual. You both bustled through tons of people, looking at quaint fromangeries and bakeries. From a short distance away, you spotted a bazaar shop. You tugged on Mike’s jacket to get his attention. “Over here!” you guided him in excitement. 

You both took your time browsing the intricate shop. It was lined with crafted trinkets, paintings and handmade vases. You had ended up wandering into a very small section, where you spotted a jar the size of your palm. Turning the bottle around in a few directions, you realized it had been a face mask. Self care was something you really enjoyed, but never had the energy or money to participate in. You had heard about face masks before, and remembered that you had seen your mother use a brown goop to cover her face that would leave her skin smelling nice and feeling softer. You assumed this was the same kind of thing. Checking the price immediately dissipated some of your excitement, though. The Survey Corps definitely did not pay very much for your job. Honestly, the fact that you got a place to sleep and food to eat was what they considered enough reparations for your service. It would take you a month and a half to save up for the face mask. You set this personal goal in your head, giving one last look at the face mask before setting it down. “You will be mine,” you muttered to the inanimate jar of skin care.

As Mike and you approached HQ, you noticed a light spotting of blue crawling up the exterior wall of the building. Mike paid no attention to it, and he likely didn’t notice it at all. He walked in before you, but you paused to take a glance at the pop of color. Kneeling on the ground, you spotted two blue lilies poking out of the grass. The smile on your face couldn’t help but get bigger. Flowers like those didn’t grow on the training field. If anything, it was wild dandelions that you were often ordered to pick and discard. 

You couldn’t take your eyes off the light periwinkle petals of the foreign flower. Something about them struck a chord in you that you couldn’t quite put a finger on. Without a second doubt, you decided to pick the two flowers, tucking both of the thin stems just behind your ear. 

Spending the following half hour searching around the compound, you couldn’t find your friends anywhere. Sighing in defeat, you turned around to head to Hange’s lab. She was still one of your friends after all. 

Approaching the sharp turn into the experimental room, you already began blabbering. “Hange! Have you ever been to the bazaar in the Market District? You need to check it out. I--” turning the corner, you immediately cut yourself off. Levi was standing against the wall, arms crossed, looking directly at you. Hange had been looking at you, too, likely because you had already started talking to her before you even walked in the damn room. Your cheeks flared up in embarrassment. She normally never had other people in her lab, opting to work in silence.

“Speak of the devil, eh, shorty?” Hange turned back to Levi with a laugh. He stayed silent and didn’t take his eyes off of you. “Uh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” you managed to spit out as you took a step back, intending to leave. “Don’t be silly!” Hange exclaimed. “Shorty dropped by because he was looking for you. Didya forget you were his assistant?” she teased, waving a hand to Levi. You blinked at her, then looked back to Levi, who had his eyes closed in sheer boredom it seemed. “Oh! Of course, Captain Levi,” the words fell from your mouth. You supposed it had been perfect timing. He calmly walked past you, silently ushering you to come with him. You looked back at Hange for the last time. “And you better not keep her up all night. The girl needs sleep!” she scolded after her counterpart with his back turned. You followed him in silence all the way up to his office. Levi was commonly quiet, but he seemed even more reserved that night. You just assumed he was tired. Opening the door, he finally spoke. “So, you were out in Trost, I take it?” he questioned with his usual tone of indifference. “Mhm,” you responded, trailing behind him to his wooden desk. You already spotted four decent sized stacks of paper, waiting to be completed. Levi finally plopped himself in his chair, and you mirrored his actions. He finally caught a glimpse of you in better light, and did a very obvious double take. 

“Those flowers,” he said. “You look like an idiot.” _Hmph!_ “And you look like a grumpy old man, but hey, I never say anything,” you fired back in insolence. Unexpectedly, he cocked a brow at you, clearly amused at the fact that you’d retort and take such personal offense regarding the two dumb flowers in your hair. 

“Whatever, brat. As you may be able to see,” he started shuffling a stack of papers, “I’m backed up. We could’ve had this finished earlier if you weren’t out, fooling around with Mike.” You let out a scoff. “I was not fooling around! I was aiding him in his errands, you know. Official scout business,” you said, crossing your arms. Levi glanced at the little flowers in your hair once more, before blinking and returning his gaze back to you. Your eyes met each other in silence. That’s when you realized the two lilies you picked had reminded you of Levi.

Both the flowers and his eye color were a muted shade of blue. Levi’s eyes were more so grey-toned, but definitely bluish when he was in daylight. You couldn’t help but start to form a small grin whilst beaming at your forbidden crush. He never had a clue of what was going on in that silly little head of yours. 

Looking away, he tossed a stack of paperwork your way in a silent send-off. Opening your pen, you diligently began your work with him. Although, it wasn’t long until you were furrowing your brows at the papers in front of you. You had never filled out these kinds of forms before. There were spaces asking for serial numbers and ID codes that you had no idea about. Holding the paper up to your face, you finally glanced over it with a look of utter confusion. “Sir..?”

Levi blinked up at you sluggishly. “I don’t know… I’ve never done this kind of…” you half-heartedly explained, passing the paper back to him. His eyes glanced over it before closing them shut and letting out a small, disappointed sigh. “Shit. Pull your chair up, I’ll teach you,” he ordered. Your eyes widened and your throat constricted a bit. You had never sat next to Levi before. Attempting to swallow your nerves, you rose and dragged your chair along to the other side of his desk. Sitting down next to him, the nervousness you experienced the first time you ever stumbled into his office had returned. Levi didn’t dare look at you as you were sitting so close to him. “Watch and learn, brat,” he murmured as you watched his pen go to work on the complicated form. Leaning over his shoulder to watch, your chin gently grazed his jacketed arm. You had no idea if he didn’t notice, or if he ignored it, but he certainly didn’t say anything. 

Perhaps it had been an odd time to realize, but he smelled particularly intoxicating. Levi himself, sitting no further than a few inches away from you was completely distracting you from his ministrations. Before you knew it, he already finished the complicated sheet and you still had no idea what to do. “Got it?” he mumbled to you, passing the paper back and wordlessly returning to his work. _No, but thanks anyways._ You just knew your cheeks were flaming red. He was even more intimidating the closer you got to him. Although you were just a tad bit shorter than him, despite his short stature, he still sat much taller than you in his chair due to your poor posture. You felt like such a little kid compared to him. He was so mature and reserved sometimes, you had no idea why he still put up with you.

Continuing on with paperwork, you didn’t move your seat back and he didn’t seem to mind. Along with this, you were skipping forms similar to the one he attempted to walk you through. A good amount of time had passed before he acknowledged the pile of unfilled papers. Grabbing the small stack, he finally turned to face you. You just knew he was wordlessly scrutinizing you. Returning a sheepish smile, you simply replied, “Sorry, still clueless.”

“ _Tch,_ why am I not surprised?” He turned away quickly before rising from his seat, and heading towards the door. Holding it open, he turned back to you. “You’re dismissed, foolish brat.” Levi gave you no time to even supply him with a head nod before he left. He didn’t put out any lanterns or organize the papers, though, so you only assumed he’d be returning. Sighing, you rose from your chair and tucked your hair behind your ear. The disturbance caused the two tiny flowers to fall onto the desk in front of you. Staring at them for a moment, you peeked back up at the doorway before pulling the tiny glass vial out of your jacket pocket.

You quickly organized Levi’s papers and put his pens in a tidy order before dropping the two small flowers into the vial, leaving them on the desk. Rushing out the door, you disappeared for the night.

Shortly after, Levi returned with a cup of tea, striding into his empty office. Levi’s pace slowed to a halting stop as he peered over his desktop. 

His fingers went to his closed mouth in silence. Two blue flowers. Two little, blue flowers. There was no note. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the makeshift vase. Slowly taking a seat next to your newly empty chair, he took the vial in his fingers, turning it right and left. Then, he thought about you. _You_ , holding those two little flowers. _You_ , with the two blue flowers in your hair. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief mention of sexual assault, not graphic at all.

The following day started out pretty lackluster, to say the least. The morning was filled with leisurely sweeping and mopping the hallways with Jas, both of you chatting casually. “I heard the next expedition will be in three weeks,” Jas told you in passing as she swept collected dust into the corner. “Cool,” you responded. It was, in fact,  _ not _ cool. The thrill of leaving the walls was something that you lived for, but life on the other side contained extreme highs, like breathing in the fresh air, and the lowest of lows, such as watching comrades being mercilessly killed. “I wish they would tell us earlier, so we had more time to prepare,” Jas continued. You shrugged. “I think they do that so cadets can’t fake a sudden injury and chicken out,” you passively explained. She rolled her eyes. “Kids like that make me sick. Why’d you even join the Recon Corps, then? Ridiculous,” she was mostly talking to herself at that point. You continued to quietly mop where Jas had just swept.

She stopped moving her broom for a moment, looking back at you. “Oh, yeah,” she began, “I saw Hange this morning. She told me to tell you to stop by her office, she had something really important to tell you.” Her back turned to you once again before she mumbled out, “I hope you’re not in trouble or anything.” You tapped your finger on your chin for a second, wondering what it could be. Would Levi have gotten you in trouble for leaving two “stupid” flowers on his desk? Maybe he finally had enough of you and got Hange to relieve you of your rank. That’d be your luck.

“Huh,” you replied in rhetoric as you both continued cleaning in peace.

The two of you had eventually finished and wandered to the commons, meeting up with Peter and Carlie. You could already tell that something was up between Jas and Carlie, as Jas was acting a bit cold towards her already. On top of that, Carlie was nearly in tears and Peter had been consoling her. You trailed up behind the two of them sitting on a couch. “Are you okay, Car? What’s wrong?” you inquired with a somber expression. She turned to you with tears threatening to escape her eyes. “C-captain Levi told me I was an idiot and that I was horrible at cleaning! He was so mean,” she admitted with a faint sob. You were taken aback for a moment, because it seemed as though you had become so numb to Levi throwing insults that it was something you expected. You had also learned to enjoy his sharp tongue, as the two of you would bicker back and forth. It was your way of trying to flirt, although you knew that Levi didn’t see it that way. 

You let out a sympathetic sigh and gave her two gentle pats on the shoulder, while you could hear Jas let out an irritated scoff at Carlie’s sensitivity. “Don’t take it personally, okay? That’s just Levi. You seriously get used to it. He tells me I’m the worst and then makes me completely reclean,” you comforted her, and then lowered your voice a bit. “It’s because he’s a total clean freak. He couldn’t pull that stick out of his ass to save his life.” Carlie let out a loud laugh at your slanderous words. While your friends would tease you about helping your Captain, they genuinely had no idea of how you felt towards him. You intended to keep it that way. Jas plopped down on the couch next to Peter and began chatting away. Directing a smile towards your group of friends, you said, “Anyways, apparently Hange wants to talk to me. I’ll be back. Later!” You bid them a simple farewell before leaving and making your way up to the office wing. 

You rarely found yourself in this part of HQ on Sundays, as the rest of the day was normally time you had to yourself. The scent of cleaning chemicals was particularly potent, but the essence reminded you of your brilliant Captain Levi. Smiling at the passing thought of him, you knocked on Hange’s door. “Come on in!” she called out from the inside. Opening the door, you spotted her with her elbow on her desk, her head casually resting in her hand. “Hey, there, (F/N)!” she greeted you excitedly. “Good morning, Section Commander,” you cheerfully responded, making your way to the chair across from her. As you sat down, you could see she was smiling brightly at you. Surprisingly, no paperwork lined her desk. Wondering what exactly you were doing here, you simply returned her smile.

“Alright,” she started as she cracked her knuckles, “let’s cut to the chase. The next expedition is approaching in less than a month. I thought I should let you know, because the formation is different this time. Erwin wants us more to the left, to show the cadets how it’s done. This batch doesn’t seem particularly skilled.” You nodded at her in understanding, although you were very curious as to why she summoned you to her office, just tell you about this. Moblit normally informed you of the next expedition date, not Hange herself. “Another thing,” she spoke again, opening a drawer in her desk, pulling something small out, and concealing in her palm. “You’ve been a great asset to not only the squad, but the scouts as a whole. Your work is exceptional and I can confidently tell you that we are all glad to have you a part of the Survey Corps. But, your sleep is a priority to keep you in top shape. We can’t have you passing out in the middle of an expedition. I’ve decided that a little more privacy might aid your situation,” she spoke quickly with intent, but you were confused at what her words meant. 

Hange held her closed hand up to you, before opening it to reveal a key, dangling from in between her index finger and thumb. It gently swayed like a pendulum as she gazed at you in silence. With a puzzled expression, you quirked your eyebrow at her. An honest, ear-to-ear grin plastered her face as she finally told you. “Your very own room, private,” she slid the key over to you. Your mouth fell open in utter shock, instantly stuttering in disbelief. “S-Section Commander, are… I mean, are you sure? I just… you know, I…” you had no meaningful words as your mind was muddled with awe. “Of course I’m sure, (F/N)! No one deserves this more than you,” she instantly gratified you. Taking the key in your own hand, you inspected it to make sure you weren’t in some dream. “Hange… I can’t thank you enough,” you looked back up at her with big, grateful eyes. “This means so much. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.” 

It was rare that scouts of your rank were given their own room. In fact, it was mostly commanding officers who were allowed the privilege of privacy at night. You were overcome with gratitude, simply because you never had a room to yourself before. Pushing back your chair, you gave her a robust salute. She stood in unison with you. “Come on,” she sauntered towards the door, “I’ll show you where your quarters are from now on.”

* * *

Moving all of your belongings to your new accommodation wasn’t very time consuming or tedious. You didn’t have much to begin with, besides your clothes, a few plants and small vases along with a wee teddy bear you kept in your bunk. Throwing it all into one box, you bid your former sleeping quarters farewell before shutting the door behind you. 

The room itself was undeniably small, consisting of a few essential pieces of furniture, like a bed, dresser, desk and chair. Though, it was all you could ever ask for. After (somewhat) organizing your miniscule amount of stuff, you flopped on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Being so used to staring up at the bottom of a bunk, you couldn’t seem to avert your attention from your view. Your eyes trailed along the beams on the ceiling, ingraining each panel of wood into your memory. A gentle knock came from your open door.

Looking up, Jas was leaning against your doorway, examining the small space. “Big girl’s got her own damn room now? Life just isn’t fair,” she pessimistically joked, making her way over to your bed before collapsing next to you. Both of you looked up at the ceiling this time, enjoying the quietness, a rare quality of HQ. 

Jas was your oldest friend. Even if she could drive you up a wall sometimes, you knew that you and her would never part. The two of you hailed from the same shithole district, south-east of Wall Rose. 

Your mind fell back to the day you were caught stealing. Jas had seen it happen, but she was too afraid to say anything, in fear of her also getting caught.

_ “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” You felt your blood run cold, turning around to see a middle-aged MP standing over you. He dragged you away into a secluded alley before ripping your jacket off as the piece of fruit tumbled onto the ground, splashing into a puddle of dirty water. But, he wasn’t concerned about the apple and he didn’t stop removing the rest of your clothes. You wanted to cry out, but he had already clamped a firm hand over your mouth, assuring you that he wouldn’t tell anyone about your little incident as long as you kept quiet.  _

_ He assaulted you. As quickly as it began, it was over with. The dirty bastard still dragged you home and told your parents what you did. You remembered the look of pure disgust on their faces as they regarded you for one last time, before they kicked you out. You were only thirteen.  _

_ Jas’ mother had been kind enough to let you stay with them for the following two years. That’s when Wall Maria was invaded, and you never saw her parents again. Despite Jas being older, she still enrolled in the academy with you. She had nowhere else to go. The two of you were bonded in a strange way, like stepsisters. _

There was a very long moment of silence before Jas spoke in a shaky whisper. “Do you remember that day? The MP?” she asked, not averting her eyes away from the ceiling. She had been thinking about your childhood, too. “Sadly,” you replied in a long, quiet exhale. Jas took a brief pause before speaking again. “If I ever see him again, I’ll fucking kill him,” she assured you. “I know,” you simply replied, innocently taking her hand in yours. The both of you laid there, long into the hours of the day, even still as the sun began hiding itself behind the horizon.

* * *

You had mistakenly left your door open a crack that night. You weren’t exactly used to shutting your own bedroom door, since you had shared a room with so many other girls for so long. 

It was nearly 1:00 in the morning when Levi had found himself sauntering down the hallway by his lonesome. While he had been heading back to his own chambers, he noticed a door was still slightly open, and Levi had almost immediately recognized the room as your own. The previous night, Hange had told him that she’d been planning to give you the empty room before you had unexpectedly strolled in, blithering about a shop in the Market District.

He had stopped walking and observed the darkness through the small open space. Levi stood there for a moment in hesitance, before ever so quietly pushing the door open. One of your curtains was pulled back, lightly illuminating the room with a bluish light from the midnight atmosphere. You had already lined your window sill with small glass vials and just a few miniscule plants. The rest of your room wasn’t exactly spick and span, but he hadn’t really expected it to be. He gazed over to the bed lined against the wall, where he had finally spotted you. You were cluelessly sound asleep, labored breaths falling out of your mouth. Your hair sprawled across your pillow as you were comfortably tucked under your blanket for the night.

A slow blink came from Levi as he looked over your dormant body. “Idiot,” he whispered just under his breath, before turning the lock and softly shutting your door for the night.


	9. Chapter 9

When you woke in the morning, you had felt more energized than ever before. The deafening silence of the small room lulled you to sleep and kept you asleep that night. After getting dressed, you strolled over to your door. Taking a hold of the doorknob, your brows furrowed upon the realization that the door had been locked. _Strange,_ you thought to yourself. You never locked your door at night, mostly because all of your rooms had been previously shared. Though, you didn’t think much of it. Perhaps you had locked it during your dizzy state of somnolence before you had conked out in your bed. It had probably been a good idea to continue locking your door when you went to sleep for the night, since you were alone in your chamber now. 

After cadet training, Hange nor Levi had requested your presence, though Hange had invited you to stop by the experimental grounds later in the day. Opting to relax with your friends, the four of you decided to play card games in the commons. Jas had been unusually quiet that day. Carlie and Peter didn’t take much notice of it, but it was glaringly obvious to you. Still, you decided to let her be and try not to draw attention to her. You assumed she could just be tired, something you truly understood and sympathized with.

Thankfully, you were in a more talkative mood due to your increased amount of sleep and general state of content, resulting from Hange’s acclaim, along with the reward of your very own room. Watching Peter intently shuffle the deck of cards, you crossed your legs. “Hange told me the next expedition is in less than a month. Our squad formation has changed, too,” you told the three of them. “Oh, God. Really? Where are we supposed to be now?” Peter questioned with a tone of annoyance.

“More to the left, she said. I haven’t seen the diagram yet, but we’re supposed to model for the fresh meat,” you explained, referencing the young cadets. Peter let out a grunt in annoyance, passing out a handful of cards to each of you. “Whoever the new commandant is, is seriously slacking. Those kids can’t run ten feet without smashing their heads on the ground,” he grumbled. You let out a genuine laugh. As someone who had overseen their practice for the past three months, he definitely wasn’t bluffing. 

You glanced back to Jas, who happened to be staring intently at Carlie. Your gaze then changed to Carlie, who actually wasn’t paying any attention to the conversation at all. Her eyes were locked on the group of people who sat around a small table in the commons. You immediately recognized them as Levi’s squad: Eld, Oluo, Petra, and Gunther. There was no doubt in your mind that Carlie was looking at Eld specifically.

You kept your vision focused on your peripheral, inconspicuously looking at the group as well. Noticing Eld get up, Carlie shot her head back to the three of you. “What were we talking about again?” she asked, obviously flustered. With an expression that was hard to gauge, Jas didn’t take her eyes off of Carlie, but she still kept her silence. Eld strolled towards the four of you, stopping just behind Carlie. His hand brushed her shoulder and she turned to look up at him. “Hey, there, pretty,” he greeted her in a flirtatious tone. You and Peter looked at each other in a silent, mutual declaration of disgust. You remember Carlie telling you in her drunken state that she had her eye on Eld, but you had never been there to see them interact before. “Hi, what’s up?” Carlie replied, giggling with a very discernible hint of coquetry. “I should be free in about an hour,” he told her, smoothing her spiralled locks out of her face. “Would you want to take a walk with me?” he asked. Eld didn’t acknowledge the rest of you and it was giving you a queasy feeling. _If you really liked someone, wouldn’t you try to introduce yourself to their friends?_ Red flags were painted all over the exchange that was going on in front of you.

Carlie’s lips formed into a smirk. “Ye--” she began, before getting immediately cut off.

“Piss off,” Jas said loudly, her face shadowed. It was clear that she was talking to Eld. He looked back at her in disturbance, before Carlie began stuttering. “Y-yeah, I do. Um, sorry, I’ll talk to you later,” she said before turning back to Jas. Eld wandered off with his brows furrowed, taking a few glances back at Jas before leaving the room. 

“What the Hell, Jas?” Carlie questioned in outrage. Jas’ hair covered her eyes, and she was no longer looking directly at Carlie. “You’re so fucking stupid. You seriously think he likes you?” Jas sibilated. Carlie’s expression turned from angry to offended quickly. “What? I _know_ he does. What is your fucking problem?” she fired back.

Jas didn’t take any time to reply. “You’re wrong. You’re wrong and everyone can see it and you can’t because you’re a stupid, little girl.” Carlie looked at both you and Peter, looking for some form of support. The two of you didn’t say anything, both keeping your silence and averting your gaze, trying not to get involved in the personal altercation. Carlie’s mouth downturned into a rare frown, her voice getting shaky. “You know what I think, Jas? You’re just jealous. Truth is, guys don’t like you because you’re a huge fucking bitch,” Carlie spat with complete coldness. 

The four of you went dead silent before Carlie stormed off. Peter looked just as shocked as you were, and you couldn’t help but to break a small sweat. Excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, you ended up running right past the washroom and heading up the stairs to the office wing. You knew Hange was out in the experimental grounds. You _knew_ that. Glancing at her open door, you didn’t falter in any of your steps as you darted down the hallway, until you were in front of Levi’s office. 

Without a second thought, you knocked on the door loudly. You didn’t give him a chance to let you in before you opened the door and swung it shut behind you, stomping over to the small loveseat in his office. “UGH!” you exclaimed, taking your hair out of your low bun to run your hands stressfully through your locks. Levi was frozen at his desk, his pen stopped writing mid sentence to look at you. His disinterested expression didn’t change, his frown permanently tainting his gorgeous face. You had still managed to catch him off guard, though. The last thing he expected was for _you_ to push through his door at random. He watched as you flopped yourself on the small couch. You finally looked at him and your eyes met. Knowing you couldn’t tell him exactly what went down, simply because Eld was a member of his damn squad, you groaned out before explaining yourself. “My friends, there’s drama between them. It’s so fucking annoying. I mean, can’t we just have some peace? Like, for at least a few fucking seconds?” you ranted.

“You barged into my office to complain about petty affairs between your idiot friends?” Levi finally spoke. You let out a heavy sigh through your nose, propping your elbows on your thighs as you covered your face with your hands. He realized you actually looked pretty distressed. “Yeah,” you mumbled into your palms. “What are you going to do about it? Punish me?” you challenged.

Overlooking you once more, he turned back to his paperwork, his pen moving where it had left off. “Your _friends_ seem like bad influences. You should leave them in the dust,” he advised. You dared to let out a scoff. “What the Hell do you know?” You expected Levi to leave you with no response, as the question was mostly rhetorical. He kept writing as he spoke out again. “What should I know?” 

You blinked, not quite sure what to say. There was a brief silence in the room before you cleared your throat. “Well, I’m loyal. I won’t let you insult my friends. I don’t give a damn what you think about them. They aren’t bad influences. Since you always seem to forget, I’m capable of choosing from right and wrong myself.”

“Why the fuck are you in here, then?” he questioned, still continuing on his paperwork. 

Letting out a sigh in response, you slouched down on his couch. _Why the fuck did they have to blow up on each other like that? Neither of them were in the right._ You knew the outburst was going to cause tension between the four of you, and it made you want to crawl in a hole and die. Having an expedition coming up, it would seriously be fucked if you didn’t have each other’s backs. Just the thought of it was giving you enough stress to make your fingertips go numb. You finally stood, walking over to Levi’s bookshelf lined with bounded publications.

Trying to ground yourself, you ran your fingers across the leather encased works. Turning your head, you gazed back at your captain. He was focused on his task, his thumb and index finger propping his head up as his pen went to work. You rarely ever saw him doing anything besides being stuffed up at his desk, with tendrils of his dark hair hanging over his concentrated face. Your heart fluttered at the sight. You longed to give him a shoulder massage, but you knew better than that. 

Craving his attention, you wandered over to his side. If he noticed you approaching, he didn’t visibly acknowledge it. Getting close to him, you leaned over to observe the paperwork he was completing. Your loose hair fell from behind your shoulders, softly brushing against his cheek. With your hand reaching up to gently touch the piece of paper in front of him, his pen stopped and his other hand grabbed at your wrist to cease your actions. Levi finally looked at you once more. 

“Did you seriously parade in here to become a distraction?” he criticized you. You couldn’t help but gaze at him with a gleam in your eye. It was constantly getting harder to hide your attraction to him, you’d probably be shocked if he didn’t already know.

“Maybe,” you said in a faint whisper. “ _Tch,”_ his eyes averted from your half-lidded ones. Despite the enjoyable warmth of his calloused hand on your wrist, you gently reeled away and he quickly released his light grasp on you. Very slowly walking around his desk, you ran your index finger along the smooth wood. “You know, Hange invited me to the experimental grounds to get a better look at her titans. You’re welcome to join me, _sir_ ,” you offered with a smirk. You knew he was likely going to dismiss you with a harsh, “Get out.”, but you still had fun playing this one-sided game with your verboten crush.

You didn’t notice, and he would certainly never admit it, but the way your hair cascaded down your back and the upturn of your cerise-colored lips caused his breath to hitch. 

Levi unexpectedly rose from his chair, pushing it back with his thighs in the process. “Fine,” he artlessly responded, walking in stride to the door. He opened it, turning to you. You hadn’t moved from your space alongside his desk, frozen in stupefaction. Often being able to predict the reaction your beloved Captain might have to any of your retorts or overtures, you had been completely caught off guard by his unexpected reception of your offer. You blinked at him in astonishment.

“Well?” he cocked a brow at your suspended body. “Right,” you finally replied, following suit.

You and Levi walked through HQ at a leisurely pace together. It would be an utter lie if you said you didn’t feel proud to be walking alongside Captain Levi. In your eyes, Levi was the center of attention in every room because of his commanding presence, and you had the privilege of taking the gandering spot next to him. It had been the first time you actually walked with him somewhere, not including the times when you were ordered to follow him, and especially not the time when he had carried your intoxicated self back to your sleeping quarters. You shuddered at the embarrassing memory. 

Sometimes, you felt like you were the complete opposite of Levi. You were young, mostly inexperienced, and probably pretty immature in his eyes. He called you a brat because it was glaringly obvious that you _were_ a brat. You spoke back to him and would tease him, your own superior officer.

At the same time, it took two to bicker. The both of you had a rancid vocabulary and strong personalities. He was well aware of the fact that you were smarter than you let on, and you knew he cared more than he would ever admit. Perhaps he and you understood each other more than most.

With that being said, he was still the most confusing and interesting person you’ve ever encountered. You understood, but at the same time, not at all. His unreadable face and harsh words always left you guessing what was really going on behind those tired, silver eyes. The chase made you ravenous, the air of mystery to him constantly making you crave more.

Finally arriving at the grounds, Hange turned around and spotted the two of you almost instantaneously. “(F/N)! I’m glad you came,” she greeted you with a wave of her hand, then looked over to Levi by your side. “And shorty, too? It must be a party, then!” she laughed at her own joke. You weren’t paying much attention, though, as you were gaping at the two monstrous beings behind your Section Commander. They had been bound at the neck, preventing them from attacking anyone. Mouth slightly slacked in awe, you left your captain to join Hange’s side. “I’ve never been so close to one without killing it before,” you thought aloud. Hange motioned her hand to one of the titans. “Chicacchironi,” she motioned to the other, “and Albert!” 

Wordlessly, you slowly approached the one she called Albert. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” you spoke slowly and quietly. You were talking to the feebleminded titan. The enormous creature panted in front of you, reminiscent of a dog with a collar. You dared to step closer, examining its abhorrent face. You could feel it’s putrid breath on your face. Suddenly, you heard the chains around his neck jingle as your pupils dilated in shock. The lumbering beast had lunged at you, but Levi was quick to grab you by the waist, swiftly yanking you out of harm’s way. He was already in front of you, so close that his calf was planted in between the both of yours, tightly holding you by your shoulders.

“Could you be any more of a damn moron?” he scrutinized you with a louder tone than usual, teetering on the edge of what could be anger and frustration. You’d never actually heard get exasperated like that. Looking back at him with wide eyes, your lips had fallen slightly open. “Thank you,” you squeaked out in gratitude. _My savior,_ you internally swooned. 

_“Tch,_ get inside before you get killed, brat,” he ordered. After one Hell of a day, you had no notion to disobey his command. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure when I should preface this, so I’m just going to take this opportunity to note that the entanglement between the reader and Levi will never be perfect. I think it’s ridiculous to write someone like Levi as a romantic. Take this as a fair warning that the relationship between you and him will definitely have elements of toxicity. In my humble opinion, it does not make sense that two people with shoddy upbringings and fiery personalities can come together and make something outright healthy. It’s simply unrealistic. That’s all I’ll say for now. 
> 
> Also, thank you for the support lately! I can’t put into words how much I appreciate it and I hope you’re able to find solace in my work. Enjoy!

A few days had passed since you’d spoken to Jas, Carlie, or your unrequited crush. Since you were newly getting a bounteous amount of rest now, you kept your head down and focused on your work.

Stopping by Hange’s office prior to cadet training for the day, you dropped off completed paperwork for the rookies you were helping to train. As you went to leave, Hange gave you a heads up that Erwin had given Levi copious amounts of paperwork and advised you to stop by his office to help him later in the day. Giving her an agreeable nod and smile, you were internally jumping in excitement. You were always ecstatic to see Levi. The two of you would cross paths once in a while and speak comfortably with each other, and then you’d both go back to not communicating and exchanging very little for a week or so. It was a pattern you noticed had developed in your “relationship” with the captain and it only ever made your fondness of him grow. The time away from him was always like a tolerance break, making the indulgence when you got to see him that much greater.

Avoiding Jas and Carlie was easier than you had anticipated. Talking to either of them before they both had sorted out their quarrel definitely wasn’t on your agenda. To be frank, the three of you weren’t very good at expressing your feelings, lacking in the emotional intelligence department. This was likely because you hadn’t had much personal experience with serious relationships before, mostly because affairs of that nature were not common among scouts. Besides a few brief dalliances you had during your time as a cadet, your love life was stagnant. You assumed it had been the same way for Jas and Carlie, so you getting involved as a mediator wasn’t something that would necessarily solve the issue. One or the other would probably assume you were picking sides, causing more contention in the long run.

They hadn’t come to sit with you during any of the meals, leaving just you and Peter to talk amongst yourselves. Despite you having a general disdain for men due to previous experiences, Peter had never made you feel uncomfortable in the slightest. You were both around the same age, and he was easily the funniest person you’d ever met. He couldn’t take himself seriously, and you thought of him as one of your best friends you had made during your time in the Survey Corps. 

Peter had four younger siblings in a region near Wall Sina and he cared for them and his parents deeply. In fact, he had a professionally-done detailed drawing of him and his family taped on the wall next to his bunk. You’d regularly see him writing letters back home, letting his family know that he was okay. He was someone you respected and treasured, because you knew he felt so deeply for his comrades and he wasn’t afraid to show it, even if he made his point with a punch of humor.

It was lunchtime when the both of you were sitting and chatting in private in the mess hall, and he had been in the middle of explaining an anecdote from his first mission outside the walls. “There was this girl, right? Her hair was weird as Hell, man. Look, I’ll show you,” he grabbed a small bundle of hair from the side of your head, pulling it up into a makeshift ponytail with his fingers. “Like this. Seriously, it was so weird. I’ve never seen a chick wear her hair like that before. Anyways, she was a rookie like me,” he let go of your hair, continuing to explain. You listened intently, because his stories always sent you into a frenzy of hilarity. “She finally hoisted herself up and killed this seven meter, but when she cut its nape she screamed so fucking loud. I thought she got devoured until I saw her fall back onto her horse.” Peter paused before he took a sip of his drink. “You know why she screamed?” he questioned, and you responded by shaking your head with a quirk of your eyebrow.

“The girl pissed herself, dude. And I mean it.  _ Pissed. Herself. _ Like, midair when she killed the titan,” he looked at you with wide eyes, telling you in dead seriousness. Not expecting the climax of his story, your hand went over your mouth in an attempt to contain your loud laugh, but with no avail you had bent over and clutched your stomach with a wheeze, and a loud shriek of laughter. You had your fair share of embarrassing moments, but thankfully you had never peed yourself during an expedition.

After lunch, you and Peter had parted ways and you decided it was time to join Levi in his work. Taking your time, you strode to his office while you mindlessly fidgeted with your room key.

Arriving at his door, you gave it two firm knocks. He took an unusually long time to let you in. After standing at his door for some time, you wondered if he was even in his office, before you finally heard him call out, “Enter.” Turning the knob, you let yourself in. Levi was at his desk, doing his paperwork as always. Though, he didn’t look up at you and stayed quiet. Shutting the door behind you, you stayed with your back against the door. Something had felt off.

“Section Commander Hange informed me that you might have an extra load of work on your hands, so I thought I’d stop by to help,” you explained in a soft-spoken tone. Levi didn’t even stop working to comprehend what you had just said. He was blatantly ignoring you. Hesitating for a moment, you still lurched forward, making your way to the chair across from him.

Taking a seat, you watched him for a moment longer. Trying not to get caught up on his silence, you reminded yourself that he was still the cold, hardened Captain Levi. Grabbing a stack of papers and setting them in front of you, you popped the cap on your pen.

“I hope you’re well aware of the fact that romantic affairs between scouts is something discouraged, as well as frowned upon here in the Survey Corps. I know you’re not one to follow rules, brat, but are you really as stupid as you look?” Levi unexpectedly spoke. You didn’t even take your eyes off the paper, your heart pounding in your chest.  _ Holy shit. Fuck. He knows. He fucking knows.  _ Perhaps your diluted flirtatious attitude towards your captain wasn't so diluted at all. Mortified, you finally tilted your head up to look at him, and he was looking right back at you. “Sir, I--”

“Peter Baros, is it?” his tone was so apathetic and impersonal as he regarded you. That’s when you stopped breathing.  _ Is he actually being serious? Does he really think I’m with Peter? _

“You’re kidding, right?” you asked in disbelief. Levi’s piercing glare and frown stayed humorless.  _ Why? Why would he even think that?  _ Peter and you had never made an advance on each other, sure that you’d be repulsed at the thought of being with him like that. Then, you thought back to just before, when the two of you were chattering in the mess hall.  _ Was… he… watching me?  _ You felt desperate for air, remembering that you had been holding your breath. You deeply inhaled before speaking again. “It’s really not like that, sir,” the words came out of your mouth at a rapid speed. “He’s my friend, I--”

“Whatever the fuck you want to call it, it’s not acceptable. You--”

“ _ No, _ Captain. He’s  _ just _ my friend. I’ve never looked at him that way. I never will. He’s my fucking squadmate,” you interrupted him, quick to defend yourself.

“Oh, I see. You must let all your  _ friends _ touch you and gawk at you in such a manner, then.” The tension between the two of you was the most intense you had ever experienced with anyone, let alone your own goddamn captain.

It was becoming more and more apparent to you that Levi really had a strong distaste for your friends. Was he really upset about Peter touching your hair?

More importantly, was he seriously accusing you of being a slut right now?

“What the fuck?” your tone rose, despite his never faltering. “Do you even know what the fuck you’re talking about right now?” You stood up, your chair skittering across the wooden floor with the sudden movement. “If you’re actually concerned about subordinate relationships, maybe you should pay attention to your own fucking squad members, you asshole.” You knew you were going to regret that one. 

It was rare that you got offended, but when you did, you became furious. In that moment, you didn’t give two shits if he was your superior officer, let alone your standout admiree. Picking up the small pile of papers in front of you, you slapped them against his chest. “Do your own fucking paperwork,” you half yelled, turning on your heel and stomping out of the room.

* * *

It was nightfall when you found yourself laying in the middle of the training grounds, staring up at the dark, clouded sky. The outside of HQ had been completely deserted, most of your comrades already in bed for the night. Your legs were crossed, with your arms spread out as you listened to yourself breathe. The dewy grass under your body was giving you a sense of comfort. Even though you had your own room now, the nightly breeze was something you always found to ground you. Everything had been weighing heavy on your back, like the scuffle between your friends, the upcoming expedition, and Levi’s accusations.

Your eyes fell shut, trying to let the stress dissipate from your body as you meditated. A sense of peace washed over you. The outdoors were something you cherished deeply. They always reminded you that you were everything and nothing all at once. 

Feeling yourself dozing off on the moist sod, you were rudely interrupted by a smooth, deep voice calling out at you. “What the Hell do you think you’re doing, soldier?” 

You immediately recognized the voice. It was Levi. Despite knowing this, you kept your eyes shut and didn’t respond. He finally got close enough so that you could hear his footsteps approaching your resting body. When he realized it had been  _ you _ lying there, his gait slowed. Levi looked over you for a brief moment before prodding your thigh with the toe of his boot. “Are you alive?” he questioned. Having been outside past curfew and calling him an asshole earlier, you were not excited for what was to come next. “Sadly,” you responded in a mousy tone. Hearing him shuffle, you finally opened your eyes. 

Unpredictably, Levi had taken a seat on the ground next to your motionless self. His skinny frame sat only a few inches away from you, leaning back on one of his arms, the other propped up on his bent knee.  _ Always so composed and coolheaded,  _ you thought, regarding your handsome captain. Blinking away from him, you both looked up at the overcast sky in silence. It felt like an eternity before either of you spoke again, but the quietness was comfortable. 

“I hope I’ll get to lay like this in the open fields outside of the walls someday,” you finally spoke. “Have you ever heard of the sea?” you asked in a hushed voice. Levi didn’t respond, so you kept talking. “Apparently, it’s a huge body of water filled with salt. I’ve read about it in books. Can you believe that?” you were talking to yourself by this point. “The fucking sea. There’s so much we don’t know,” you faintly whispered. Levi turned to face you once more. You didn’t see it, but his gaze was softer than usual, his eyebrows in a subdued arch.

You two sat in silence for a while longer before Levi finally decided to speak. “What were you talking about earlier? About my squad members?” he looked up at the sky as he questioned you. You let out a small, throaty laugh. “Remember the other day, when I told you about the drama between my friends?” you paused for a moment, smiling at the thought of what you were about to tell him.

“Eld’s trying to fuck Carlie, and we all know it,” you finally told him, leaving out the clash between Carlie and Jas. “Private Voss?” he inquired. “Yes, Carlie Voss,” you assured him. Levi let out a disappointed sigh in response.

“I’m sorry for calling you an asshole,” you finally admitted. He let out a small  _ hm _ in response, sounding somewhat like a laugh. “I deserved it,” he unaffectedly replied. Knowing Levi, that was the closest you’d ever get to some form of an apology. It was enough for you, though.

Some time passed before your captain finally pushed himself off the ground, turning to you.

“Bedtime,” he curtly ordered, outstretching his hand for you. You apprehensively gazed at his long fingers before sliding your own hand in his. Helping you get to your feet, he noticed obnoxious pieces of damp grass sticking to your hair. “Still a messy brat, as always,” he half-heartedly scolded you before tenderly smoothing out your mane, ridding your locks of turf. Completely unanticipated, you let out a soft groan at the feeling of his hand petting your hair. Gentle touch like that was euphoria to you, especially when it came from somebody like Levi. Your cheeks felt hot at your unexpected noise. He pretended to pay no mind, turning his back to you. “I’ll walk you to your room,” he offered as you followed him with no complaints.

Neither of you exchanged any words before you both arrived at the door of your quaint room. Levi leaned one shoulder against the wall as he watched you unlock your door, pushing it open. You turned back to him momentarily. “Goodnight, sir,” you whispered. He emotionlessly blinked at you in response. Taking one step inside, you were instantly interrupted by his voice.

“(F/N),” he said. You turned around to look at him again. “My office, tomorrow,” he sharply commanded. “Of course,” you said with a sweet smile. Briskly turning, he already began walking away as you shut your bedroom door. Resting your back on the wall, you let out a blissful sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Do you guys think that Levi would like The Smiths? I feel like he would. Alternative rock and indie rock always reminds me of him, it just sounds like Levi music to me. Jack Stauber and even Delegation also remind me of our sweet boy. Lol!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, buttercups. This one's a doozy.

The clouds from the previous night had still hung around in the sky well into the next day. The air was crisp and Autumn was clear to be approaching. When cadet practice began in the morning, the weather was calm. Though, after a short couple of hours had passed, the gusts of wind were so powerful that it had been making the scabbards attached to your thighs fidget. The heavy, grey clouds were brewing above you.

Half the cadets had been sparring, and the other half had been practicing their horseback riding skills. You and Mike split up to chaperone the rookies, and you had opted to look over the ones on horseback. After a short while, you ended up perching yourself on the fence as you watched the horses gallop in circles around the ring. By a force of habit, you were bouncing your foot up and down as you mindlessly twiddled your fingers. The next expedition was sneaking up on you at an alarming rate, and you couldn’t help but to worry about the amateurs in front of you. The 103rd Cadet Corps were definitely lacking in natural skill along with motivation. A fair amount of them knew how to maneuver ODM gear decently well, but many of them didn’t have quick problem solving skills. Gauging by the amount of tenacity they were without, you couldn’t help but to think that the next expedition was going to be a bloodbath. Your heart sunk at the intrusive thought. Just then, a low hum of thunder echoed in the distance.

“Hey,” Mike got your attention as he dallied towards you. “What’s up?” you asked as he casually placed a hand on the fence. “It’s going to rain, better round up the--” he started, before small sprinkles of precipitation began to trinkle onto the field. Many of the cadets stopped their horses, looking up at the sky as the rain quickly picked up its pace. Scooting off the fence, your feet landed on the grass. “What are you waiting for? Escort your horses back to the stables, now!” you announced.

Within minutes, the sprinkle had morphed into a torrential downpour. You and Mike still stood there, clothes completely soaked through as the cadets struggled to guide their horses to the stables. The both of you had to make sure that all the horses were in place and all the cadets were safe inside before you could even think about following suit. _Well, this fucking sucks._

Most of the rookies had successfully shut their mares into the stables when you saw a stray horse, trotting back into the field. Mike glanced at you with crossed arms and you peered back at him before you let out a sigh, jogging towards the lost animal. “For fucks sake,” you murmured to yourself, taking the chestnut stallion by the reins, and leading it back to the stables on your own. Your footsteps were already making a sloshing sound beneath you with the amount of rainfall that had drenched everyone. Watching as the horse finally nestled into its stall, you shut the door and locked it before turning around. Everyone including Mike had abandoned you outside. You let out an exasperated sigh, turning back to the horse you had just tucked into its pen. “Everyone just treats me as their service dog, huh?” you mindlessly spoke aloud, stroking the mare’s muzzle. “I guess we’re more alike than I thought.”

Finally, you turned to start heading back. Though, you were rudely halted by a slip of your heel on the fresh mud. Tripping without grace, the entire side of your thigh had plummeted into a muddy puddle. “UGH!” you raged as you managed to push yourself off the ground, inspecting the umber stain that was covering your pants and ODM straps. It was embarrassing, but at least no one had seen your tumble.

Making your way back to HQ was dreadful. Entering the building, you were freezing your ass off from being drenched in rainwater in the cold weather. Quickly removing your heavy jacket, your hair was stuck to the sides of your face and along your shoulders and back in clumps as you tried to waddle your way back to your room. 

And, of course, with your luck… Captain Levi was making his way down the hall, coming in the opposite direction as you. He had two or three papers in his hand, shuffling them as he skimmed through them. He had no ODM gear on, and his body was adorned with a casual light grey long-sleeve and black pants.

He looked comfortable. Comfortable and dry. You were insanely jealous. Like the genius you were, you had been staring at him when he looked up to see your horrendous state. Levi froze at the sight of your abhorrence. _Fuck. Me._

You couldn’t exactly act like you didn’t see him, since you were very clearly gawking at him, so you stopped when he did, too. “Um…” you began, not having much to say.

“You…” his eyes trailed down to your chest. Your white shirt was sopping wet, and you had forgotten that your undergarments you wore that day were white as well. 

Deciding to finally look down at the state of your clothes, the view of your nipples was certainly a sight to behold. Not to mention, they were even more glaringly obvious as you were shivering from the cold. You let out an audible yelp in shock as your forearm went to cover your exposed self. 

The sodden button down you were wearing left no room for imagination as it clung to your curves, outlining your stomach and the dip of your waist. The cold weather left your cheeks red as you shuddered in front of Levi, _you poor thing_. He was at a loss for words at how you looked in front of him then, so helpless and shaking. Incredibly exposed and vulnerable in his sight, in the middle of the fucking hallway. He blinked in disbelief as his eyes wandered down to your right thigh, which had been caked in mud.

He cleared his throat. “You’re filthy, brat.” Levi grimaced at the sight of dirty water dripping from the jacket in your hand, cringing as the drops hit the stone floor. “You think so? Tell me something I don’t know,” you snarkily replied, still holding your arm across your chest. His eye twitched at the double entendre. “Well? Go take a damn shower, then. Did you forget we have work to do?” he nonchalantly waved his papers in the air. 

“Yes, sir,” you teasingly rolled your eyes at him. “And don’t step foot in my office until you’ve scrubbed every speck of grime off your body, soldier,” Levi ordered as he walked past you. Wordlessly, you kept walking in the direction towards your room. As your backs were turned towards each other, the distance between the two of you increasing, Levi uncomfortably shifted in his pants as he attempted to shake the thought of your soaked self. 

Your dirtied clothes landed on your bedroom door with a _plop_. Not bothering to pick them up, you headed straight for the shower. 

The water was scalding as it ran over your numbed skin. You stood there for what felt like ages until you could finally sense your extremities again, and then you began to clean your hair and scrub your skin for all you were worth. The faint memory of Levi saying _good girl_ crossed your mind as you diligently followed his orders in the shower. You paused, shakily exhaling as you remembered that your goddamned Captain totally saw your nipples through your shirt. “How humiliating,” you uttered to yourself. 

After your lengthy shower, you headed back to your room to get dressed. Since your uniform was already in a disgusting pile on the floor, you opted to throw on a casual button up and tawny-colored pants instead. As you went to head out, you spotted a long forgotten box of cigarettes you had on your desk. Stalking over to the other side of the room, you eyed the small box. Mike had graciously given them to you as a token of gratitude for helping him run “errands”, where in reality, he had just drank with his Garrison buddies. You decided to palm the box, planning to smoke one or two after you helped Levi.

Eventually, you made your way to your captain’s office, giving one hard knock before opening the door without a welcome. You hadn’t bothered to dry your hair before you left, so it damply framed your face. 

Surprisingly, Levi wasn’t sitting at his desk but rather standing in front of his window, watching the storm outside. Admittedly, you took a quick look at his ass because he was missing the usual cummerbund that went with his uniform. _Don’t be gross,_ your subconscious argued.

You trailed up a few feet behind him to peek over his shoulder at the rain covered glass. “It’s real fun out there,” you sarcastically muttered. He turned to peer at you from over his shoulder. “I bet. Looks like you had a blast,” he replied with his unamused expression, referring to your earlier predicament. “Har, har, sir. You’re a riot,” you joked with a smile on your face. You plopped down on your chair, mindlessly setting the box of cigarettes on his desk. After a few moments, Levi followed suit to seat himself in his own chair. 

The scent of eucalyptus and lavender hit Levi like a brick when he sat. He gazed at you for a moment, taking in how you looked. A handful of buttons on your shirt were undone, and your hair was untamed. Half dried tendrils curled up at the sides of your face, the rest tucked behind your ears and falling along your shoulders. There was more color in your face, likely due to the increased blood flow from scrubbing your skin. You were resting your chin in your palm, still looking out the window.

“I take it that you’re aware of the upcoming expedition?” he questioned, before sliding documents over to you. “Yeah,” you said, looking over the papers in front of you before marking them up. “I’m scared shitless,” you admitted. Levi cocked a brow at your response. “Why is that? You’re not exactly new to this.”

“What? Are you calling me old?” you teasingly questioned. “Ancient,” Levi muttered. You found yourself smiling at the playful banter. “I’m scared because…” you began, brows furrowing at the thought of bloodshed. “Because, well, the new cadets. I’ve been helping them train for a while now, and they aren’t very adaptive. I’m scared for _them_. I-- I don’t know. I just feel responsible for them, I guess,” you explained in earnest. 

“Don’t,” Levi flatly retorted. “They chose to join the Survey Corps. You’re not their squad leader, nor are you a squad leader at all. Focus on your orders and keep your head on straight. We can’t afford for you to get caught up in affairs that are not your burden to carry.” His words made your breath hitch. You may not have been a squad leader, but he certainly was. Did he understand what you were feeling? _Is that something that he feels all the time?_

The two of you worked with the noise of heavy rainfall and light thunder in the background for some time. Your head was filled with Levi, though, despite him being just a foot away from you. You always wondered what his childhood was like, and you pondered the horrors he’d seen even before he joined the scouts. You simply couldn’t imagine what life was like as the Captain of the Scouting Legion. He led his comrades into missions where the outcome was always likely to be death. Did he replay the moments in his head, over and over again? Did constant loss take a toll on him?

Perhaps that’s how he came to be; cold and emotionless, hardened over time. Or maybe he’d always been that way. You could never figure him out. You cleared your throat.

“Mike told me you grew up in the Underground. Is that true?” He let out a _hm_ in confirmation. 

“I can’t imagine,” you whispered, looking out the window once more. “Although, it must’ve felt amazing to come up here and breathe the air. To look at the sky… the sun…” you were rambling mostly to yourself.

“ _Tch,_ constantly asking about me,” Levi stopped writing to look at you. “What about you, brat? Where’d you come from?” he questioned.

You weren’t expecting him to ask you that. You didn’t think he cared. “Uh-um… I--” you sputtered for a second, “I grew up in Caliburn District. It, uh… it _was_ south-east of Wall Rose.” You had no idea of what remained of your hometown. Quite frankly, you didn’t care. Losing Wall Maria was a horrific tragedy, yes, but you weren’t sad to see your district go. “Sorry to hear that,” he muttered. “Don’t be,” you quickly responded.

“And your parents?” he cocked a brow at you.

_Your parents,_ his words echoed in your head. Surprisingly, you hadn’t really given much thought to what happened to them. You supposed they could still be alive, but you didn’t really care either way. You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders at your captain. “Couldn’t say. Maybe they’re dead… I don’t know,” you fiddled with your pen, “They didn’t really like me.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed at this new information. “Jackasses,” he muttered, returning to his paperwork. The corner of your mouth twitched into a small smirk at him cursing your parents for their neglect.

Eventually, you had done enough paperwork for what he deemed fit. Levi dismissed you for the night.

After dinner, you returned to your room. Stepping over your gross pile of laundry on the floor, you changed into a night shirt and shorts and got into bed. Turning on the lantern at your bedside, you found yourself hundreds of pages deep into a novel, late into the hours of the night.

Then, there was a knock at your door. It had to have been well past midnight when you heard the raps echo through your room. _The fuck?_ Shuffling to your feet, you didn’t even bother to put slippers on as you opened your door a crack, just barely peeking out. It was Levi.

Swinging your door open fully, you looked at him in bewilderment. He had a slightly amused look on his face. “What are you doing awake?” you asked him with a semi-sleepy voice. “I could ask you the same thing,” he replied. His eyes traced down the length of your body, getting a glimpse of your bare legs and feet for the very first time. Levi pursed his lips at the sight, just for a moment, before looking back up at you. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the box of cigarettes you had accidentally left in his office. The amused look on his face still remained. “Oh, shit,” you cursed, immediately snatching them from his hand.

“I should’ve just thrown them away. They’re a bitch of a habit to get into,” he told you. 

“Thrown them away? That’d be tragic. They were a gift from a friend of yours,” you said with a wink and a charming smirk. You knew he had a disdain for people with “negative” influences on you, so the thought of him finding out that Mike was the one who snuck them to you would be particularly funny.

“A frie--? Who?” he demanded to know, a slightly different tone than usual. You pretended to zip your lips and throw the key away. “ _Tch._ ” Levi’s neck slightly craned, catching a glimpse of your room behind your shoulder. His eyes widened.

“Good god, what is that?” He pointed just past you to the wet pile of fabric from the mishap that occurred earlier. 

“Clothes.”

“You can’t just leave soiled clothes on the floor like that! That’s disgusting!” he scolded you.

“What are you, like, eating off my floors or something?”

Suddenly, Levi pushed past you and walked into your room. Captain _fucking_ Levi… in _your_ room. You watched him in shock as he picked up your damp clothes and threw them into your hamper for you, eyeing the residual water puddle on your floor.

“Clean. Now.” You groaned out in despair before dropping to your knees and scrubbing the floor while he watched. 

When you were done, you sat back on your calves and looked up at him. Levi was still watching you with his arms crossed against his chest. He was so ridiculously beautiful. You wondered if he knew just how attractive he was.   
  


And he looked down at you. At the stupid little girl who strolled into his office not too long ago. Unbeknownst to the both of you, you were truly starting to grow on Levi. You had a youthful air to you that always kept him on his toes-- something he hadn’t come across in a very long time. Maybe that was why he had an innate desire to keep you going on a good path.

Though, he knew you were a chaotic storm in a world of bleak, watered down people. He wanted to tame you, to strap you down so you could fit in his box of what was _supposed_ to be. And in the exact same breath, he didn’t at all. He would always try to grab hold of you, but he was never able to get himself to squeeze you into restraint. The contradictions of your essence in his head were killing him, yet he couldn’t seem to get away from you.

You grinned at him as you got to your feet. “Okay, shoo. I’m going to the roof to smoke, now,” you told him in quickness as you grabbed a box of matches from your desk.

“You’re not going alone,” he warned. You looked at him with a quizzical expression.

“What? Are you still, like, my babysitter or something? I’m not drunk, you know,”

“The roof? So you can throw yourself off and get out of the next mission? It’s not happening, soldier,” he said with a very faint smile. Your heart did a backflip at the sight. From what you could tell about Levi, he was protective of you. Perhaps not overtly, but it was definitely recognizable. It was also starting to seem like he was warming up to you, at least just a bit.

You couldn’t contain your smile as you slipped on a pair of flats.

You and your captain ended up on top of the castle of HQ, overlooking the city of Trost. You were both perched on the merlons of the old building. Trying to get comfortable, you sat criss-cross as you went to light a cigarette.

“You’re such a kid,” Levi sneered, observing the way you sat. 

You scoffed in response. “Shut up! No, I’m not,” you gently poked his upper arm as you defended yourself. You wondered if that was all he saw you as: _a kid._ The thought made you frown. Here you were, swooning over him daily and he was there, thinking you were a sloppy child.

“What, you don’t wish you were a kid again?” he questioned.

“No.”

“You don’t miss the whimsicality of childhood?” the face of amusement returned to his handsome face once more.

“No, ding-dong. You know why? ‘Cus I can still have that whimsicality, no matter how old I am. Either way, deep down, we’re all just scared children. I don’t wish for what I am,” you explained, taking a drag.

“ _Ding-dong?_ ” he mumbled to himself, covering half his face with his hand. You both enjoyed the silence as you smoked. Levi didn’t smoke himself, but the aura made his senses tingle. The scent reminded him of Furlan, who would smoke often. The scenery reminded him of Furlan, too, as well as Isabel. He silently reminisced as you gazed up. The storm had passed and all the clouds had cleared by the time you went outside. 

You both looked up at the twinkling ink blue sky. With one of his knees bent, almost being tucked against his chest, he oozed confidence and insouciance, something that made you that much more attracted to his person. “I remember when I first saw the sky like this. The fact that it didn’t just _end_. Sometimes it still blows me away,” Levi finally spoke.

You couldn’t help but ogle him. You didn’t just respect who he was outside of the walls. He wasn’t just a feat of strength to you. He was a beautifully crafted, intelligent being that had regard for everything around him. “I’m really glad to know you, Levi,” you couldn’t help but spill. His head cocked towards you at the mere sound of the causal usage of his name. “I don’t mean Captain Levi. I don’t mean Humanity’s Strongest. I mean you; you as a person. You’re something else, something so much more than a brigade of brute force.” 

His eyes earnestly searched for the slightest hint of sarcasm in your face, but you had truly meant it. Your honesty was a bit jarring to yourself, even. Peering back at the night sky, Levi raised his hand off his thigh to gently pet the top of your head. His sweet touch startled you at first, but your shock quickly melted into your scalp tingling, along with the rest of your body encompassing itself in complete euphoria. The heat daring to blush your cheeks felt enjoyable for once and you couldn’t help but let out a playful giggle at the pleasant feeling of his hand ruffling your hair. While he didn’t say anything to you, his simple response made you feel so special.


	12. Chapter 12

Soon enough, a week had passed since your last rendez-vous with your captain. The touch of his fingers in your hair still lingered every once in a while, when he’d cross your mind. The intense burning of desire only got worse when you found yourself lying alone at night. Levi’s presence cooked you from the inside out. How someone so cold and distant could make you feel so much warmth inside was something beyond your comprehension. You would often wonder if he ever thought about you when you weren’t around, though your doubts were high.

Jas and Carlie eventually mingled their way back into the friend group, as avoiding each other was getting difficult, what with the four of you being on the same squad. However, they were certainly blunt and not talkative towards one another-- very passive aggressive, to say the least. 

Your days were blending into the same murky memories once again, but you tried to keep track as the expedition was approaching rapidly. You cherished cadet practice as much as you could, finally taking mental note of their names, and the ones who stood out the most.

_The shortest one is a 16-year-old boy named Kane. He isn’t very able-bodied, but he’s undeniably the smartest and most tactical of his Cadet Corps._

_Melanie has dark brown eyes and hair. There’s only one word to describe her: bold. Once during ODM gear practice, she jumped off a tree branch before firing her wires. Lamentably, her left hilt trigger got jammed, and so she panicked and fired her left wires without aiming. She ended up with a minor concussion._

_Oliver has a black bowl-cut and is easily a foot taller than me. He’s the most skilled of his class as far as his bladework goes. He could easily take on a titan. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up on Levi’s squad in the future._

You sat with one knee pressed to your chest as you ate a bowl of bland stew in the mess hall. Jas and Peter were casually throwing obscenities at each other while you swirled the root vegetables around in the broth, watching them spin with the tilt of the current. Glancing up, you caught sight of your captain for the first time in a few days. He was sitting with his squad and… your eyes narrowed for a moment. Petra had been smiling at him incessantly and chatting away. It seemed as though Levi was listening as he held his tea, taking occasional sips. There were lots of rumors that Petra and Levi had been a _thing_. Your opinion on it was quite indifferent, simply because you didn’t know Levi before enough to care.

But now you did.

Levi had handpicked Petra to be part of his squad. You personally didn’t know her, but she seemed inordinately sweet and had a coinciding reputation. Maybe Levi liked girls like that; girls who could be pushovers, girls with inviting faces. You frowned at the thought. 

You fought a hard battle your entire life with yourself and who you felt that you should be. It took a long time to succumb to the ultimate idea that you are _you,_ and you would never not be you. Accepting yourself wasn’t easy. In fact, there were still days where you found it difficult to find even a crumb of self-esteem. 

But you always knew you’d never be what Levi was, or what Carlie was, or what Erwin was. You were you.

For the first time in a long time, you stared at Petra and wished you were more like her. Perhaps Levi would’ve liked you more, then. Maybe he wouldn’t have treated you like you were an absent-minded fool. If you were different, you could’ve even been where Petra was sitting. People would’ve talked about how you and Levi might be together.

You looked back down at your stew until lunch was over.

Later that evening, you found yourself in the same spot as always in the library. This time, you couldn’t decide on your next book to read. Mostly, you just picked a book with a pretty cover and instantly dove into it. And so, you caught yourself in a bit of a predicament. You were in between a book with a dark blue cover with bold, silver lettering and a plain black book with the title embossed into the cover itself, when you saw Carlie walking up to you out of the corner of your eye. Setting down the black binding, you gave her a sweet smile. Her usual generous grin didn’t come as it should’ve, though. As she got closer to you, you could see her eyes were glassy and the skin surrounding them was puffy and red. It was clear she had been crying.

Instantly, you stood from your chair and she promptly fell into you for a hug. You weren’t really one to embrace your friends like that, but Carlie was often an exception. She had such a sweet and sensitive soul and you always wanted to look out for her, especially since she could be so naive. Pulling away, you looked at her. “What’s wrong, Car?” you whispered, trying your hardest to be gentle in tone.

Carlie sniffled as she pulled back and rubbed her eyes before letting out another weak sob. “E-Eld told me he didn’t like me at all and to stay away from him,” she managed to choke out before she returned to bawling her eyes out in the middle of the library. You bit your lip, thinking back to the argument between her and Jas. “I’m sorry, Car. Some boys just don’t always have the best intentions,” you solaced. She covered her face with her hands before mumbling, “I can’t believe Jas was right. Oh, my God. I wish she wasn’t so upset with me. It’s like she hates me! I just wish I could talk to her right now.”

“Car… You did kind of call her a bitch,” you told her, furrowing your brows. Carlie’s hands dropped from her face and it looked like she was going to be sick. “Oh, my fucking God, (F/N). I called her a bitch. What’s wrong with me?” her breath stuttered before she started crying in her hands again. You felt so horrible for her. She practically just got dumped and one of her best friends wasn’t there for her. “I can talk to her for you, if you want,” you assured Carlie as you rubbed her shoulder. 

“Would you? Please?” Carlie looked at you with big, desperate eyes. Your heart dropped at the sight. Pulling back the chair you had just been sitting at, you pointed at it. “Sit, I’ll be back,” you told her before venturing to find Jas.

First you checked the women’s quarters, then the mess hall, and then the washrooms. Jas was nowhere to be found, so you assumed she was in the commons. Turning around, you headed back.

You’d do anything for your friends, especially when they were in a time of need. You were determined to get Jas to release her grudge so Carlie could be at least somewhat okay. As you approached the commons, you spotted Petra and Oruo speaking just outside of the doorway. Pretending not to notice them, you turned the corner and immediately spotted Jas, sitting with her feet kicked up. “ _Psst,_ Jassy!” you quietly called to her. Turning her head towards you, she cocked a brow. “Eh?”

Immediately taking a seat next to her, you looked at her in complete seriousness. “Listen. Eld told Carlie he doesn’t like her at all and to stay away from him,” you explained. Jas’ eyes widened humorously before she let out a guffaw. “Of fucking _course_ he did,” she scoffed, “I was so right. Tell me I wasn’t fucking right! I swear--” Your finger immediately landed on Jas’ lips, shushing her quickly. “I get it, Jas. You want to be right, but this isn’t the time. Carlie is a fucking mess right now, dude. She’s having a full breakdown in the library.”

Jas averted her eyes and mumbled against your finger, “She deserves it.” You wagged your finger in her face. “Hey! Finger means no talking. I’m being serious, Jas. She’s totally fucked right now. She said she misses you a bunch and wishes she could talk to you,” you reasoned with her. With a blink of an eye, Jas’ smug expression dropped off her face. You put your hand down, although her smart mouth didn’t go back to blabbering again.

“S-she said that?” Jas blinked at you. You quirked a brow at her reaction. “...Uh, yeah, she did. Come on, she’s in the library,” you said as you stood. She hastily trailed behind you.

Leaving the room once more, Petra and Oruo were still where they originally stood. However, a new addition had joined their chatter. Eld stood there as Petra looked up at him in horror. Eld had a giant bruised, blackened right eye. “I can’t believe Levi would do that to you!” you heard Petra say as you passed by the group.

Your eyes widened at what you had just seen and heard. _Why did Levi give Eld a black eye?_

Pondering for a moment, you almost stopped in your tracks when you came to a revelation. You thought back to what Eld had said to Carlie, that he didn’t like her and _wanted nothing to do with her._ _Just why would he say that?_ He definitely could’ve gotten in Carlie’s pants, if he really wanted to… 

You pursed your lips, thinking back to the night you told Levi about Eld trying to get with Carlie. _W-would he? ...Did he?_

_He fucking did._

Wanting to scream aloud in confusion, you contained yourself simply because Jas was right behind you. _What the fuck is with him? First, he hates my friends. Then, he really fucking hates my friends. And, then?_

_And then he beats the shit out of his squad member for flirting with Carlie._

Your head felt like it was about to explode. What was his logic in this situation? It’s not like you were mad at him for smacking some sense into Eld. As a matter of fact, you thought it was kind of funny. But nonetheless, it still made no goddamn sense.

_Maybe he takes that no relationship thing really seriously, or maybe--_

Thoughts getting cut short as you came up to the library, you turned to Jas. “She’s in here. I have to go,” you told her before walking past her. “Wait, what?” Jas was puzzled, but you didn’t turn back. 

You found yourself marching up to the office wing, in search of answers. Finally reaching Levi’s door, you knocked on it harshly. Anxiously rocking back and forth on your feet, you waited for an answer. Shortly after, you heard footsteps from the other side of his office. Without warning, the door swung open and Captain Levi stood there in front of you, unimpressively glaring at you. Startling you at first, you collected yourself swallowed your surprise. “Sir, I--”

“I don’t need your help,” his words cut through yours. You blinked in shock and confusion at once. _Firstly_ , he’d never turned you down before. _Secondly_ , you weren’t even there to help with his work. Your eyes narrowed in annoyance.

“But I just need to talk--” 

“Do I have to repeat myself, brat? Go. Away,” he grimly ordered before shutting the door in your face. 

You stood there, gazing at the shut door in complete turbulence for some time.

_What… the… fuck?_ You seriously wanted to pound on his door and kick his ass for being so fucking weird. What was his end game? You haven’t seen him in a week and _this_ is how he treats you? You were fuming, and still hurt at the same time. He didn’t even want to see you or talk to you. Levi didn’t even want to hear why you were at his office in the first place. 

_Why is he being like this? Why is he being so fucking confusing? Why does everything always have to be so complicated?_ You felt a vein popping out from your temple due to frustration. 

You held your head as you were in a state of complete bewilderment. Finally, you leaned against the congruent wall before sliding down to sit on the floor. Letting out a loud sigh, you shook your head. 

_I just don’t get it._


	13. Chapter 13

First came the anger, the impatience, the annoyance.

Then came the sadness.

Originally, you thought Levi was just being cold that particular day, but another handful of days had passed and he hadn’t requested your presence at all. When you’d walk by him in the halls, he didn’t stop to talk to you anymore. He was back to not acknowledging your existence.

Cadet practice was becoming more infrequent due to the colder weather and rainier days along with the impending expedition that was coming up in only a few days. Spending time with anyone but yourself seemed like a task, as all it felt like you could do was sulk, lay in bed, and read. 

You completely loathed this feeling. For a moment, you thought back to before you stumbled into Levi’s world. You were so encompassed in a drole, perpetual state of sadness. Perhaps this feeling was better than that… 

_No._ Back then, you felt numb and desensitized to life. Everything felt… grey and muddy. You came to the conclusion that this feeling was worse; the empty pit in your stomach, not knowing what you did for him to shut you out. It hurt even worse to know what you wanted, to know that you couldn’t have it. You were so upset with yourself for even letting something so miniscule make you feel so weak. For God’s sake, he was your captain. 

You felt so sad because goddamn Captain Levi, the sourpuss, wouldn’t give you attention. He didn’t even like you like _that_ , but yet you already found yourself so reliant on his gaze and his smooth voice to get you through to the next day. You remembered, this was why you hated crushes. You felt too deeply for someone who wouldn’t think twice if you died.

Completely lost in your thoughts, you blinked a few times to bring yourself back to reality. You had been sitting in the library all day, reading a book about a seaside romance with strawberries and parasols and warm, golden skin under the sun. You glanced outside, taking a peek at the dull weather and heavy-hanging grey clouds. You let out a mundane chuckle to yourself. _The sea,_ you thought. It sounded so fake. It was only ever in fictional books that you’d read, but they were all books that had been quite old.

Then you thought about Levi again, and how you told him about the sea. Reminiscing about the night you both watched the sky in the training field, you peered at your hand for a moment, remembering how your hand slid into his calloused one as he helped you get up. Your hand tingled at the recent memory, although it felt so distant. You thought about that same hand smoothing back your hair, or ruffling it. 

You recollected the moments of when you both sat on the castle roof. The way his hair rustled with the breeze, the goosebumps you had on your legs from the chilly air, the way the moonlight reflected off his pale skin when he looked at you.

Resting your head on the book pages in front of you, you let out an audible groan. Your mind was stuck in circles, always going back to Levi. You never realized how much you liked him until he was gone. Letting out a sigh, you tried to grab hold of your astray brainwork. 

Sure, the thirty-something-year-old guy you were hopelessly obsessed with might not give an everlasting shit about you, but that didn’t mean that other people didn’t care. Your mind flashed with images of Jas, Peter, and Carlie. You thought about your cadets you’d train, and a small smile began to grow on your face. Hell, even Hange.

_Hange._

You hadn’t seen her in a while, simply because you’d been avoiding every living being lately. Drumming your fingers on the table, you contemplated what to do for a short moment. Hange was always a beacon of light, always there to make you smile, constantly giving you new ideas and perspectives. Finally, you closed your book and got up from your chair to go visit her.

Though you often worked closely with her regarding analysis reports, you had no plans to do such. The dismal weather wasn’t exactly helping with your motivation. Thankfully, it was fairly common for Hange’s friends and squad members to just sit in her lab while she ran test samples and worked on her notes.

As you approached her lab, the scent of black tea wafted through the halls, lighting your senses aflame. Your eyes widened at the sudden realization of what you were about to walk into, but before your brain could stop you in your tracks, you turned the corner to Hange’s lab. As you stood in the doorway, you could see Levi casually standing next to her counter as he sipped on his signature cup of tea.

_God fucking damn it._

You mentally facepalmed. You’d come to see Hange to get your mind off of him, and lo and behold, he _had_ to be there when you were, too. Hange was bent over her counter with papers haphazardly scattered, open test tubes and vials galore. “Hey,” you began, getting both of their attention. You scratched your forehead in reluctance. “Um… If you’re busy, I can go. I was just stopping by to--”

“(F/N)!” Hange exclaimed, interrupting you. Getting startled at first at the loud sound, you then gave her a friendly smile. “You silly girl, where have you been? We’ve got some catching up to do. Oh, more importantly, I have to talk to you about the expedition!” Hange spoke so quickly it was hard to keep up with her sometimes. Picking up a pile of papers, she looked around for a few moments before peeking back at you. “Shoot, hold on. Stay here! I have to go find something…” she trailed off as she hurried past you and out of her lab. Watching her disappear around the corner, you gazed back at the only other person in the room. Levi was staring directly at you, looking bored as ever. Awkwardly swallowing your nerves, you made your way to a stool in front of her counter and sat in silence.

Maybe he was expecting you to greet him, but you didn’t. Levi already had made you feel like such a pest, you had no intentions to make it worse for either of you. Fumbling with a few strands of your hair, you made sure not to look at him again. The deafening silence was making it feel like you couldn’t breathe.

Thankfully, Hange’s presence put you at ease when she stumbled back into the room with a scribbled-on piece of paper, blabbering about the scout formation. “Alrighty!” she said, sitting across from you and slapping said piece of paper in front of you. Looking down, you saw a pretty poorly drawn triangle formation with notes on who went where. “I’ve been meaning to show you this, but I haven’t been able to find you anywhere. I tried to ask Jas but she said she didn’t see you around, either.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been busy,” you murmured, trying not to talk too much about it. Especially because the reason you were so absent was lingering just a few feet to the left of you.

“Ah, well anywho, we placed all of your ‘lil cadets here in the middle of the formation,” Hange explained, circling her index finger around a group of points in the center of the triangle. Then, she trailed her finger along the very outer lines. “These will be the main sections. Shorty’s squad is here, see?” Hange pointed to a group of five points, adorned with an arrow pointing to a very poorly drawn doodle of Levi’s face. You couldn’t help but let out a small snort at the sight, quickly covering your laugh with your hand. 

Suddenly, Levi set his tea down and strolled around the table, taking a seat right next to you. You immediately felt your skin get hot, not just on your cheeks but your entire body as well. Crossing his legs, he rested his thumb on his chin as he just slightly peeked over your arm to get a glimpse at what you had just chuckled at. “ _Tch,_ ” he huffed, way too close to you for comfort. 

“We’re actually just in front of his squad this time,” her finger ran up the page, pointing to a larger group of points marked with a bold _H_. “We’re trying to get an idea of just how many titans are roaming around in Wall Maria now. Granted, this is more of a test run for our newbies. The ones who return will finally be actual scouts, and then we can get back to planning on how to recuperate the outer wall.” You were nervous, to say the least. The next expedition would be the first time you were on the outside of the formation, and you were towards the front of the head as well. You knew you were serving as a cushion for the new recruits. The thought was horrifying. When people start dying, it’s always the people on the outside that go first.

_Am I going to die?_ Your intrusive thoughts plagued you.

As Hange continued to explain, Levi gently twisted his body as he leaned over more. Soon enough, the front of his arm was firmly pressed against the back of yours as his head hovered just over your shoulder. He was so close that you could hear him breathing. This quickly snapped you out of your mortal fear, although it made you completely tense up.

Your touch-deprived self was buzzing so hard you could barely pay attention to what Hange was saying. It might not have been a big deal to Levi, but you were coming apart at the seams from his warm, clothed arm pressed against you. Shutting your eyes tight in a cringed blink, you swallowed hard and tried to gain leverage over your own thoughts. Your attempt fell short when you began silently questioning him.

_There’s no way he hasn’t seen this formation before. The expedition is in a couple days. It’s likely that he actually helped create the formation… So why was he looking at it so intently? So intently that he has to fucking touch me?_

_He literally forgot I existed for the past week and now he’s doing this?_ You furrowed your brows at the mental backflips you were making. 

_Do I or don’t I exist in Levi’s world?_

Eventually, Hange’s explanation began to slow down. Though, the woman did love to talk, so Levi quickly cut in. He quickly snatched the piece of paper off the table and removed his touch from you. “That’s enough, four-eyes,” he mumbled before turning to you. “You. Come with me, I’ve got work for you after I go check on something with Erwin,” he curtly ordered, before removing himself from his seat, making his way out of Hange’s lab. Shuffling to your feet, you managed to cough out a, “Yes, sir,” before following him up to the office wing.

The both of you sauntered down the hallway in silence, before you came upon Levi’s office. Turning the handle, he pushed the door open and looked at you. “Sit and stay,” he demanded. _Commanding as ever,_ you thought. Without another word, you mosied in and took a seat in front of his desk. Peeking back, he had already closed the door on you and left you in his office alone. 

Truth be told, you liked the fact that he was a Captain who could order you around. Something about the fact that he had so many years of experience on you, with his rank and age, was very attractive. The fact that he and you weren’t equals in the Survey Corps… It felt risky and dangerous to have a crush on someone so powerful. And you loved it. You craved thrill. Perhaps that's why you fell for him so hard.

Looking over his desk, you realized he had failed to bring his tea from Hange’s lab along with him. Tapping your foot on the floor, you waited impatiently for him to come back from Erwin’s office. Letting out a sigh, you got up and opened the door. You had decided to make him a cup of tea while you were waiting.

Twiddling your thumbs while you waited for his tea to steep, you couldn’t take your mind off your captain. He was just so _confusing_. Sure, maybe you were looking way too much into it. He was just busy, perhaps he didn’t have time for your ingenious attitude. Or it’s possible he just couldn’t stand you. That was your only reasonable explanation for why he’d pretend you didn’t even exist anymore.

But then he was back to brushing against you, to making you sit in his office, to ordering you around. It truly made no sense to you. 

Grabbing the cup of prepared tea, you made your way back to his office. With one foot in his doorway, you were quickly stopped. “What the Hell?” Levi barked from down the hall at you. “Did I not tell you to stay, dammit?” Levi’s tone didn’t vary much, nor did he ever really have an angry voice. He did, however, talk a bit louder when he was pissed. And he was definitely talking louder.

Cutely blinking your eyes at him, you held up the cup of tea in your hands. “Sorry, sir. I just wanted to get you tea while I was waiting,” you explained, much too sweetly for your inner emotions. Glancing down at the black tea in your hands, Levi quickly averted his eyes and lowered his voice. “ _Tch_ , whatever, brat. Go.”

Walking in front of him, you placed the cup on his desk and sat back down in your original seat. He followed behind, walking around his desk and sitting down across from you. Setting down the formation piece of paper that Hange had, he pointed at your new position. “I talked to Erwin and put Hange’s squad behind mine. You got that, brat?” Looking over the page, you looked back up at him. _Why does the section position matter?_

_Why would he go to Erwin to change something so miniscule?_

Of course, you were in Hange’s squad, so that put you behind Levi instead of in front of him. You pondered for a few moments. You seriously could never tell what his intentions were, or what his goal was. Clearing your throat, you decided to ask. “W-why’d you--”

“Paperwork, girl. Hop to,” he interrupted you as he tossed a small pile of papers in front of you. Letting out a sigh, you decided to keep quiet and do your work as you were told.

Levi definitely wasn’t playing games. It’s like he completely forgot about your playful banter, or how he touched your hair, or how you both would sit together and watch the night sky together. Clearly it must not have mattered as much to him, as it did to you.

A long while of quietness passed, complete silence would’ve filled the air if not for the sound of pens scribbling on paper and shuffling said papers into organized piles. Looking up, you peered out his window into the grey sky. A gap had parted between two large clouds, and baby blue sky peeked out. You smiled, resting your fingertips on your chin at the sight of the sky for the first time in days.

“Are you scared?” you finally asked.

Levi looked up at you, but didn’t reply.

“For the expedition, I mean.”

“No.” Levi’s eyes went back down to his paperwork.

“Of course you’re not. You’re not afraid of anything, I guess,” you mumbled to yourself, tapping your pen on the desk. “Well, not that you care, and I already told you, but I’m scared. It’s always scary.”

“ _Tch,_ ” Levi scoffed before dropping his pen entirely, then rubbing the bridge of his nose and furrowing his brows a bit. “I’ll tell you what, brat. You like that shithole Market District out in Trost so damn much?” 

You blinked at him for a moment. _What? How did he even remember that?_

You could’ve sworn Levi never paid attention to anything you said, let alone something you were telling Hange.

“Yeah?” You looked at him with a quizzical expression.

“You live? I’ll take you back there. Okay, brat? Sound like a deal?” he offered in his monotonous voice.

_If I live… Levi will take me back to the Market District?_ You ran your fingertips across your bottom lip in thought. “You’re not fucking with me? Of course it’s a deal!”

“Good. Now, back to work, soldier,” he demanded before picking up his pen once more.

“Yes, sir,” you said in a hushed tone, trying your best to conceal your excited grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all enjoying this story so far. Teehee!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not particularly skilled in writing action, mostly because I don't have much experience in it. I also don't really enjoy reading action, either. So, although this is the expedition chapter, it's more dramatic than action-packed, just because I want to keep the quality of my writing consistent throughout this fic. Anyways, enjoy!

When you woke up that morning, everything felt like it was floating. Sitting up in bed quickly, you peered out your window to see the sky was clear of clouds and the sun shone brightly. You took your time getting dressed, making sure your ODM straps were fastened tightly and that you had all four blades loaded into your scabbards. Taking one long look at the Wings of Freedom on your emerald cloak, you draped it over your shoulders and buttoned it at the base of your neck. Eventually, you headed out to the stables to meet up with your squad and saddle your horses in preparation for the expedition. 

Carlie and Jas had been attached at the hip ever since the day Eld rejected Carlie, so it was no surprise that the two of them were already waiting with Hange when you arrived. You could tell Carlie was sweating bullets as she loaded her saddlebags with flare guns, though Jas maintained her calm demeanor as usual. “So, does anyone want to tell me why our squadron switched positions two days before the fucking expedition?” Jas questioned no one in particular.

As you prepared your own horse, you let out a short laugh. “I couldn’t tell you why, but Levi did it,” you murmured. Jas peeked at you with a curious expression. “How do you know that?”

“Um, I was there, dizzy,” you sarcastically responded. 

“Pfft, I should’ve known. When aren’t you with your mini man?” Jas teased.

“Knock it off. He actually can’t stand me,” you mumbled. It was more of a half-truth. You had no idea if he enjoyed your company or not. He never explicitly expressed interest in you as a person, though he did leave an odd trail of hints that messed with your head.

“I guess Levi and I have more in common than I thought,” Jas snorted as she lightly punched your shoulder.

It wasn’t long before the rest of the scouts flooded in, loading supply wagons and readying horses. Finally mounting your own steed, you waited for Commander Erwin to order troops to begin marching towards the gate. As you pet your horse’s mane, another scout trotted up to you on their horse. It had been Melanie, the audacious cadet you’d been training. “(F/N)!” she called out with a large grin on her face. You gave her a melancholy smile in return. “Hey, kiddo,” you greeted.

“I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see an actual titan. Hey, maybe when I get back, you can try to get me on Hange’s squad with you. How cool would that be?” Melanie rambled, her high ponytail swinging with the bob of her head. You eyed her with a blank expression.

“ _If_ you make it back, cadet. This isn’t a game. You won’t be so excited when you’re face to face with one of them,” you scolded. “Just… be careful, Mel. You won’t be the same person when you return to the walls. Get back to your position, okay?” you spoke again with a softer tone. Nervously, Melanie swallowed loudly. “Yes, ma’am!” she squeaked out before promptly turning her horse and riding back.

“And don’t call me ma’am!” you called out at her as she rode away. Looking back, you spotted Levi who had been staring directly at you with no emotion. He stood tall on his ebony stallion, reins lightly gripped in his hands as his head turned to bore his eyes into your soul. You wordlessly gazed back. He looked stunning in his green cloak, mounted on his horse. _I better live, because I am dragging your ass to the Market District with me whether you want it or not,_ you mentally snickered. The both of you averted your gaze in unison.

Shortly after, Erwin called the go-ahead, and the battalion began moving through the city of Trost on horseback. The large bell sounded throughout the area as townsfolk gathered around, watching as your brigade marched towards the wall. Merchants and other citizens glared daggers at you and your comrades. You knew the general consensus of the Survey Corps was overall negative. This was something you didn’t understand-- the scouts were fighting for their freedom, but yet they respected Military Police scum more than the people who died to make strides for humanity. You didn’t shy away from returning the dirty looks to the fat merchant bootlickers. 

From a distance, you could hear and see the gate begin to rise as the horses steadied. “It’s game time, baby,” you heard Jas murmur to Carlie. “I think I’m gonna puke,” Carlie replied in a sickly voice.

Slowly but surely, the gate was pulled all the way up and the head of the battalion began galloping first. Soon enough, the rest of the scouts went forth at full speed as the corps fled out of the opening in the wall. The butterflies in your stomach were heavy and obnoxious, more so resembling nausea than fluttering excitement. You felt your breath leave you as you entered the tunnel. The sound of horseshoes clomping echoed throughout the dark space. Wincing as the light of the exit poured out in front of you, you fully opened your eyes to see you were completely out in titan territory. 

The formation began, and Hange veered her steed to the left as you followed suit. You didn’t see any titans for quite some time. Eventually, the scouts were so spread out you couldn’t see Levi’s squad in front of you, nor could you see the cadets to your right anymore. Your own squad kept a good distance between their horses.

Then, far to the back right, a bright red signal blew through the air. _Oh, shit. Already?_

Turning your head back to face front, you saw two titans over ten meters. Hange took out her flare gun and let another red signal loose. Most of the squad diverted, running around the two giants as a few veterans darted up to the titans, quickly bringing them down with a resounding thud. 

Another couple of titans appeared shortly after, but they were swiftly taken out once more. 

Breathing heavy through your nose, your section trekked onward, until you looked up into the sky. Your heart dropped instantaneously. Four red flares zipped straight into the air, two to the right, one in front of you and another at the head. “Shit!” Hange exclaimed at the sight. 

Panicking, you looked around at your friends whose faces had lost color. You were being surrounded. Breathing heavily, you turned your head to peek behind you. Yet another red flare painted the blue sky above you. _No…_

Turning back, your chest heaved in pure fright. On the horizon, you saw a handful of eight meter titans heading your way. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck,”_ you stammered in horror, taking a flare gun out of your bag with a shaky hand and firing yet another red beam into the sky. Glancing back at Jas, she gave you an apprehensive nod. “I have your back if you have mine!” she called out at you. 

Standing in your stirrups, you unsheathed your blades as you approached the humanoid behemoths. Even if you were experienced in it, you _hated_ killing titans. It was awful to be in a close proximity to them.

Firing your wires, you hooked onto a titan’s shoulder, reeling yourself forward. Unattaching one of your hooks, you propelled yourself around it’s lumbering body with a kick to the air. Finally, you grappled the back of its head, launching yourself up and deeply slicing it’s nape. You landed on its shoulder as the colossal being fell, and you projected yourself back to the ground, falling into your horse's saddle. Watching Jas, she executed similar motions to yours as she swung herself into the air and cut deeply into the back of the titan’s neck. 

“Good one!” you cheered as she safely landed back on her horse. “Ditto!” Jas called back at you with a smirk.

Suddenly, a green flare bolted through the air from the head of the formation. You knew it was Commander Erwin changing the scouts’ course. The direction of the flare pointed to the forest to the south-west. “Relay that!” you directed your comrades. Carlie’s trembling hands reached into her saddlebag. Before she could even slide her finger against the trigger, her wavering hands caused her to lose grip of the flare gun, dropping it on the ground as her horse sped in tow with the rest of your squadron. “No!” she cried out at the signal pistol that landed in the grass. “I got it,” Peter shouted, pulling back the hammer and shooting it in the general direction of the forest. 

“Great! Let’s go!” Hange ordered as she suddenly veered her horse in the direction of the flare. You and the rest of her squad followed suit as you pressed your heel tightly into your stallion’s side, making sure you were going as fast as possible. Your clammy hands gripped the leather reins so tightly that your nails dug into your palms as your chest heaved with erratic breaths. Your hair whipped behind you when you slightly bent over, trying to make yourself more streamlined as you zipped through the fields. You saw multiple relays of the direction change, flares decorating the sky with green hues. 

You’d never fallen back into the forest during your time in the Survey Corps, but from the looks of it, it was your only option. Commander Erwin was a genius man and you had no doubt that he knew what he was doing. The situation at hand was incredibly strange. While the mission was to gauge how many titans were inside Wall Maria, you thought you had a general idea that there weren’t very many the last time you left the walls. The amount of red signals led you to believe differently though. _Where are they all coming from? They can’t reproduce…_

You glanced up at Hange who appeared to be deep in thought. Looking just past her, you could see a mass of blood-soaked cadavers scattered along the open grass. The sight alone was enough to make you woozy. “Shit! It looks like half the fucking right flank was taken out,” Jas seethed through her teeth.

Finally, you caught sight of the forest. It had definitely been a better spot to be in during this crisis, as maneuvering ODM gear through a wooded area was much easier than wide plains.

Peter trailed just behind you as your section sped into the forest. Sunlight shone through the green canopies above you, splattering golden rays of light on the soft ground as you rode through dirt paths with crushing waves of anxiety. You hadn’t seen anyone else from the brigade besides your own close-knit squad since the mission began, sans the mangled corpses on the field. You gritted your teeth in disgust at the thought, trying to quickly dismiss the recent memory.

Then, the booming sound of titan footsteps approached fast. Two titans with horrific, smiling faces were darting towards you, head on. Wordlessly, Hange yanked her reins and fled to the left. Shrieking at the sight, you didn’t think fast enough and steered your horse to the right instead. “(F/N)!” Peter called out, racing after you. Looking back at him, you two were the only ones who went left. “ _FUCK!”_ you screamed at the realization.

Breathlessly, you stood on your stirrups once more. “Get ready!” you shouted back at him, your knees almost buckling from overwhelming jitters. Loud, earthquaking footsteps began to approach you from behind this time. One of the titans you encountered before had headed your way. A smaller titan, about four meters, was making its way towards you from your far right as well. Pointing your hilts up, you looked back at Peter. “Now!” 

You both darted into the trees, getting far away from the ground as you landed on separate branches. Catching your breath, you dry-heaved from your nerves affecting your stomach. Wiping the drool away from your mouth, Peter finally spoke. “How are… How--” he stressfully ran his fingers through his hair, “How are we going to fucking get out of here? Th-there’s--” 

Before he could say another word, you propelled yourself downwards with your ODM gear, immediately slicing the nape of one of the titans roaming beneath you. Grappling onto the side of the tree, you threw yourself forward with animosity to the next titan, taking it down as well. Firing your wires at the tree Peter rested on, you hooked yourself onto the trunk residing next to him. “We have to go find the others. Kill any of them that you see,” you told him, “That’s why we’re in here. We have the advantage,” you waved your bloody blades at him. Finally catching his own breath, Peter gave you a definite nod before the both of you began zipping through the towering trees, occasionally swooping down to take out spotted titans. 

Catching sight of a fifteen meter, you landed on a tall tree branch, and grappled onto an adjacent tree trunk, or at least you thought you did. Your hook rejected itself, causing you to start falling midair. Looking straight down, the titan was just below you. Without a second thought, you fired your wire again to the tree trunk without exerting any gas, causing you to swing against the trunk. You violently scraped your upper arm against the bark so hard that it ripped through three layers of clothing and left you bleeding. It happened so suddenly and during such an adrenaline frenzy that you barely registered it, though it did begin to throb with pain as you finally got a brief glance at it. You had just been grateful that you saved your own ass, because that moment was a second away from certain death. _Fuck._

The pain was making your grip on your right hilt dangerously weak. 

It felt like forever as you and him weaved through trees, wearing down your blades. You were ejecting yourself around so quickly, so distractedly that you didn’t realize how much gas you had been using up. Neither of you had seen any of your comrades yet.

Landing on a near tree branch, Peter followed suit. You took a peek at the gauge on your gear and your breath hitched. “Is everything okay? Shit, (F/N), that looks really bad,” he worriedly gazed at your wounded arm. “I’m almost out of gas,” you told him with widened eyes. His fear-ridden gaze quickly met yours. “ _No,”_ he murmured, looking around him quickly. Peter smoothed his blonde hair out with intense anxiety before taking a deep breath. “Fuck, okay. _Stay here_. Don’t fucking move, I’ll find the supply team and get a tank. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he ranted with fierce speed before taking off instantly. You watched him leave you behind as he glided in between tall trees. 

Breathing heavy, you looked down. There were easily nine or ten titans roaming around the general proximity under you. Your breathing was so labored you thought you were going to faint. That’d be your luck.

“There’s someone over here!” you heard someone call out, before Gunther, a member of Levi’s squad, landed on a tree about fifty feet away from you. Soon enough, Levi zoomed past him and landed on a tree branch relatively close to yours, just slightly higher up. It was hard to contain a smile at the sight, despite his cheeks and neck being stained with blood. “Captain Levi!” you greeted, grappling onto the trunk next to him and reeling yourself upwards.

Until you heard the exhausted puff of gas echo from just behind you as you completely ran out of fuel. _Please, no._

Letting go of your hilt, the connecting wire fell as it hit you on the side of your knee. Your hand desperately clung to the branch, nails digging into the hardwood, as the ball of your foot skidded on the bark of the tree.

_Holy shit. I’m going to die._

Levi instantly scooped down and grabbed a strong hold of your elbow, tucking his forearm under your other arm to get you on top of the branch with him. “Shit, what happened?” He looked down at your bloody, ripped clothes. It took a moment for him to realize that it had been your own blood. “Are you alright?” 

You were desperately trying to catch your breath, gazing down below you at the small horde of titans that you could’ve easily fallen into. “I-I’m…” you leaned against the tree trunk for support, swallowing hard, “I’m fine. I’m out of gas.” Your chest was heaving so hard you thought you were going to have a heart attack.

_That was the second time today I almost kicked the fucking bucket,_ you thought as you felt anxious beads of sweat form on your forehead.

He grunted, knocking on your empty chamber to make sure. “I don’t have any extra juice,” he gritted his teeth as he looked down to the clawing titans, then back up, past the treetops. Suddenly, a dark blue flare shot a trail through the cyan sky. Your breath hitched. _Retreat._

“Fuck. Get on,” Levi said, slightly bending his knee to lower himself a bit. You stared at his back, at his undercut. “What? You can’t carry me, Levi. There’s no way!”

“It wasn’t a fucking offer, (F/N). Get. On.”

Feeling like a terrified child, you climbed onto him, piggy-back style. Instantly, he pulled the trigger on his hilt and took off with you, darting between trees. 

“Wait, Levi! My friend went to get me another tank! He’s going to come back for me!” Levi utterly ignored you at first. You shook his shoulders from behind. “Levi! I have to go back! Stop!” you cried out at him. 

“What the fuck are you talking about? You think I’m going to drop you off in the middle of titan territory to wait for your dumbass friend?” he spat back. “I don’t fucking care, I--” you began.

Suddenly, you caught a glimpse of Peter rushing through the trees in the opposite direction of you whilst he held a canister of gas. “ _Peter!”_ you screamed out at him, holding your hand up. He immediately grappled onto a branch before you and landed, watching as you clung onto Levi. At first he gave you a quizzical expression, but then he immediately looked relieved. 

You were overwhelmingly joyed at the sight of Peter being okay, and being able to warn him to not try to search for you. “Retreat, you amazing boy!” you gleefully called out at him as you passed him. Levi let out an annoyed, “ _Tch,”_ though you didn’t know why.

Rushing to the edge of the forest, you saw nearly the entire brigade mounting their horses. You groaned at the sight, simply because you didn’t have enough foresight to get off your horse before you entered the forest. As Levi landed swiftly on the grass, you let go of him, letting your feet touch the ground. You watched as the wounded and the dead were loaded into empty wagons. Your captain climbed onto his black steed before looking down at your puny self. You blinked back up at him with dazed eyes.

“Are you getting on? Or, let me guess, you _want_ to be titan chow,” Levi mocked you from above. You looked at his horse, then back to him. _Oh._

Stepping on the stirrup, you swung your right leg over the saddle, successfully mounting the horse behind Levi. “Thank you,” you softly whispered.

Soon enough, Erwin shot out a yellow flare and the battalion began heading back in the direction of the walls.

“Hold on tight, brat. Seriously, I don’t need you falling off and killing all the men behind us.”

You gripped his jacket under his cloak and took a deep breath. The expedition had been a complete disaster. Somehow, the amount of titans had easily increased by tenfold since the last mission outside of the walls. It made no sense, and it caught the entirety of the Recon Corps off guard, resulting in plenty of deaths. 

Trying to shake your mind of the swarming reminders that you had just lost a portion of comrades, you surveyed the scouts around you. The formation was in shambles, though the sections and squads stayed relatively in the same gatherings. Gazing back, you caught eyes with Petra. She was staring at you and Levi with a blank expression. Quickly facing forward once more, you looked over Levi’s shoulder to see the wall getting closer in distance. Letting out a sigh of relief, you tightened your hold around Levi, completely wrapping your arms around his waist until your left hand touched his right side and your right touched his left. You then leaned your head on Levi’s shoulder in silence, although you were already anticipating him to tell you to stay alert.

But Levi didn’t complain; he didn’t say a word as he let your body rest against his.


	15. Chapter 15

You were ordered to rest in bed for a full day and a half upon arriving back at HQ, due to the minor injury on your arm. Once they had wrapped your upper arm in bandages, you slept for nearly twelve hours straight. 

When you eventually woke up, you stared at the ceiling for over an hour. No one in your close circle suffered a casualty, even all your precious cadets survived, but yet… 

Something stirred in you. You always felt this freeing feeling when you came home from an expedition. It made you realize how short life was, especially as a scout. You would even get a bit audacious, possibly teetering on the edge of brash. You knew you weren’t made to appease others, and the freedom of escaping the walls often led to you carrying yourself with more confidence, though it wasn’t always the same for your counterparts. Still, you were grateful that you survived. Whenever you came home, you always hung around your friends a bit longer and laughed a little harder. 

But all you could think about this time was Levi. You kept replaying the moment your gear ran out of gas, when you grasped the tree branch with all your will. Levi’s face was almost the last thing you saw before suffering a grim fate, but he was so quick to save you, so quick to let you on his horse. You thought about how his slender torso felt as you held onto him, and how his shoulder so very gently rose and fell with his breaths as you rested your head on him.

Sometimes you seriously wondered how you came to like Levi so much. He was a short, harsh-toned, thirty-something-year-old man. You were kidding yourself, though. You knew he was so much more than that. He was _Captain Levi_ … someone who had experienced and seen so much, yet he still took the time to talk to you, to save you from near death, to bring you to the Market District…

You sat straight up in bed. _I lived._ A sly smile formed on your face, realizing that he had agreed to bring you to the Market District. You hadn’t seen him since you arrived home the previous day, and you’d be damned if you let him forget his promise. Despite not resting for the full day and a half, you still pulled yourself out of bed and threw on a long sleeve shirt, pants and loafers before leaving your room. Your arm still prickled with pain, even under the layers of wrapped bandages under your shirt.

You weren’t even sure if Levi would be in his office, but you’d heard that the superiors often got flooded with paperwork right after an expedition, probably due to the inevitable death that accompanied the missions. Arriving at his door, you earnestly forgot to knock before twisting the knob and opening it. Levi wasn’t at his desk, but instead sitting on his loveseat, legs crossed, with one arm thrown across the back of the couch as he was reading a book. The sight alone made you giddy. It was rare that you saw Levi just leisurely relaxing. He looked so peaceful. 

“Hey, there, Captain,” you greeted him with a big smile. He did not return one to you.

“Didn’t anyone teach you to knock? Shouldn’t you be resting, idiot?” he interrogated, setting the open book on his lap as he watched you wander in his general direction. You took a seat on the arm of one of his stuffed chairs, before lightly touching your upper arm. “ _Meh_ ,” you responded.

“ _Tch._ Woeful, disobedient brat, as always. What do you want?” 

Rolling your ankle, you tilted your head at him. “I was just stopping by to make sure you’d fulfill our deal. You do remember, don’t you?” you replied in a shrewd tone. Levi averted his eyes in annoyance.

“Last time I checked, you wouldn’t be alive if I hadn’t saved your sorry ass,” he retorted.

“Well, whose fault is that? So... when are we going?” you tapped your chin with your finger. “I’m down to go right now, actually!” you said with a playful laugh.

“Shut up. I’m busy.”

“You don’t look very busy.”

“ _Ugh,_ do you ever stop talking? We’ll go tomorrow, alright?”

You beamed at him, trying your best to contain a childish squeak of pure joy. “Sounds great! I’m excited,” you proclaimed. 

“Whatever. Get out of here, brat,” he ordered as he began to pick up his book. Sliding off the arm of his chair, you made a few strides to the door before turning around with foxy intentions.

“You know, Captain Levi, _sir,_ I kinda like it when you call me brat,” your lips upturned into a mischievous smirk.

For the first time ever, you could tell that you had caught Levi off guard. His eyes widened, visibly showing that he recognized your salacious tone, words dripping with honey. Your fingers went to your lips at his reaction, containing a snicker from escaping. Turning your back to him, you opened the door with a curt, “See you tomorrow!” before closing the door behind you. 

You stood just outside of his door for a few moments, internally freaking out at what you just did. Forget all your subdued forms of flirtation before, he might just kick your ass the next time he would see you for implying something so inappropriate to your captain. But the rush, and the way he reacted made you feel like lightning. Finally, you decided to head downstairs to find your friends.

***

Levi rested his head in his hands. _You_ were doing something to him. _You_ had no clue, and to be frank, neither did he. Everything was sneaking up on him at once. The feelings he had for you, he couldn’t quite put a finger on. He hated it. It made him seethe with anger because he didn’t understand. He tried to avoid you, he tried _so hard._ But whenever he saw you, he couldn’t resist the urge to drag you along with him. Levi liked looking at you, and hearing you speak, and laugh. He loathed just how much he liked it. It was so confusing to him, how his heart would get heavy when he looked at someone as messy and unpredictable as you. _You_ were just… different.

Of course, he found you attractive. There was no kidding himself there, but there was more to you than pure lust. The fact that you had just coyly thrown coquetry his way did nothing but make it worse. The likely possibility that you felt similar feelings regarding him made him queasy. 

  
  


***

“Yeah, whatever, man, (F/N), _hurry up!_ He’s going to wake up and then it’ll ruin everything,” Jas rushed you. You had been drawing an exaggerated mustache and acne on Peter with a permanent marker you’d snagged from Hange’s desk. The poor guy had fallen asleep in the library on the floor. The look that Jas and you gave each other upon finding his slumped body was like history. 

Reeling the marker away from his face, you almost shrieked in laughter. Jas’ face scrunched up before she turned away and doubled over with silent hilarity. “Let’s go,” you loudly whispered to her before jogging to the door of the library. As you went to open it, Carlie pushed the door open herself. Jas immediately grabbed hold of her arms. “You need to fucking see this,” Jas told her as she began leading her back to where Peter was out cold. 

The days following an expedition always played out like this. You and your friends would celebrate life like little kids, running around and teasing each other. Even when you lost close comrades, even when it felt like there was no reason to keep going, the four of you would always make it a point to brighten things up. Sometimes it was hard, it even felt impossible at times, but your small group always managed. It was something you wouldn’t trade for the world.

* * *

Despite so obviously flirting with Levi just a day prior, you couldn’t contain your elation as you damn near skipped down the hallway to meet with him. He wordlessly led you out of the entrance to HQ. The both of you ambled on the cobblestone streets in silence for some time.

“Do you leave HQ often?” you finally asked as you discreetly checked him out. He was wearing that casual suit of his, his cravat like icing on a beautiful cake.

“No.” You rolled your eyes at his bluntness. Perhaps it was because of your dalliance yesterday, or maybe that was just Levi being Levi. Either way, you didn’t care. You weren’t afraid of him anymore.

“Why not?” you questioned as you mindlessly played with a lock of your hair.

“I’m always busy. Can’t you tell?”

“Huh, I guess you’re right. Still, if I had the luxury of leaving HQ whenever I wanted, I would find a way to get out once in a while,” you explained.

“You’re my excuse, then,” he playfully responded. You smiled until he spoke again.

“Brat.” 

Your face immediately dropped. There was no way he said that by accident.

“Brat?”

“I thought I’d indulge you.” 

_Did he just fucking flirt with me?_ Your breath hitched so quickly that you choked on your spit momentarily, letting out a shocked cough. Levi let out a satisfied _hm_ at the sound of you sputtering.

You were so not expecting your damn captain to say such a thing to you. You thought you had the high ground, where you would throw small flirtations his way and he might get flustered. But you were oh so wrong. Levi knew damn well what he was doing. You silently cursed him.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to get to the Market District on foot. “This place is disgusting,” you heard Levi mumble under his breath. You let out a small laugh at his repulsion. “You look good when you’re grossed out,” you said with a sly smile.

“Shut up.”

You wandered into the bazaar, with Levi curiously trailing just behind you. You beelined to the back of the store while he aimlessly strolled around the small space, crowded with miniature trinkets and miscellaneous artworks. Bending down on one knee, you spotted the jar of facemask you had been saving up for. In fact, there was only one left. Picking it up, you gently cradled the expensive skin care in your fingers. Levi’s voice from behind you had startled you momentarily.

“We came all the way out here for _that?_ ” he mocked you. 

“We sure did!” you sassily retorted, brushing past him as you went to purchase the face mask.

You forked over nearly all the money you had as the merchant placed the jar in a small box for you. 

Your captain and you traipsed through the Market District together, occasionally stopping to look at knick-knacks or to make conversations with fruit vendors. Eventually, the sun began to quickly set, letting a golden hue encompass the entirety of Trost as you and Levi walked side by side. 

“Can we take the long way back?” you asked Levi.

“Whatever.”

Soon enough, the two of you were strolling along the canal as the sky to the left colored itself with pink and purple tones, with stark white clouds twisting and smoothing out into abstract formations. The water next to you sparkled as it lazily rolled itself downstream. The moment was pure bliss.

“Wait,” you simply told Levi before just slightly bending down to dip your fingers into the frigid water. _Refreshing._

“Hold this,” you held the box in your hand up to Levi. He snatched it away from you with a short _tch._ Kneeling down, you cupped a small amount of brisk water in your hands before gently splashing your face with it, dragging it into your hair. Wiping the excess wetness on your clothed thighs, you turned and stood to face Levi. 

Your skin glistened with the setting sun, brightening your eyes and shining your lips. The tiniest of water droplets stuck to your eyelashes. You looked like a fairytale illustration.

He analyzed you, your fluttering eyes and that devious half-smile of yours. The sight made every cell in his body set themselves ablaze in your wake. “You’re making this very difficult for me,” he murmured, before turning and continuing to walk ahead of you.

_Did he just..?_

_Did he really just say that? Did he mean what I think he means? Is he actually abashed right now?_

You quickly walked in time with his shadow. “Wait, Levi,” you quietly called out behind him. Without turning around or saying anything to you, he held out the box behind him for you to continue carrying it. You gently took it from his hand. “Thank you… but… are you and Petra… you know…” you trailed off, not sure how to directly ask such a question.

“Excuse me?” he looked at you from behind his shoulder.

“I mean, are you and Petra, like, together?”

“What? Did you fucking hit your head on the expedition? No.”

You weren’t sure if that information made you feel better or worse. _So he really was flirting with me…_

“Then, what are you so afraid of?” you stopped in your tracks, clutching the box to your chest. Levi also froze before he turned to face you. Both of you locked eyes before his own quickly averted.

“Just…” he began. His eyes were softer than usual, but he emitted a strange expression of confusion. “We can’t talk about this, (F/N). Walk,” he ordered before he gently pushed his hand against the small of your back, encouraging you to go in front of him.

The two of you silently trekked all the way back to HQ as the yellowish atmosphere faded into blue tones with splotches of amber lights emanating from small cottages. You sauntered down the entrance hall with Levi in tow. As you reached the end of the hallway, you turned to look at your captain with guileless eyes. He frowned at the sight, quickly looking away. “I have a shitload of paperwork. Be at my office tomorrow,” he softly ordered before he walked past you in the direction of the office wing. You watched him disappear around the corner.

_Levi was actually acting kind of..._ _shy?_

The original nervousness and butterflies you got with his premier presence hit you like a brick, leaving you standing in the middle of the hall as you were completely dazed.

  
_You’re making this very difficult for me,_ echoed in your mind countless times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow burn is my shit.


	16. Chapter 16

If you thought you were confused about Levi before your outing to the Market District with him, then you had no idea what to call your state of delirium afterwards. Of course you liked Levi, probably way more than you could even understand, but you never expected him to return any sort of those feelings.

You sat in the mess hall with your friends, slowly consuming the slop they called oatmeal. There was no way in Hell you’d ever tell them about your recent jaunt, let alone the contents of the trip.

“I heard Mike lost a quarter of his squad on the expedition,” Carlie said.

“That’s awful. I’d never want to be a squad leader,” you replied.

“Yeah, fuck that. I wonder how hard it must hit when you watch your handpicked members die in front of you,” Jas mumbled. The table went quiet momentarily.

“Speaking of squad leaders, (F/N), what was with you on Levi’s back in the forest?”

Jas almost spit out her oatmeal. “What? You were _what?_ ”

“Oh, my God. Stop it! Don’t you remember? I was out of gas, dummy!” you defended yourself.

“So Captain Levi carried you on his back? Didn’t you tell him you were waiting for me to get you a tank?”

“I did! But he wouldn’t put me down and just kept going!”

Carlie gasped in realization. “Oh! So that’s why you were on his horse when we went back to the wall!”

Peter let out a wheeze. “Dude, what is it with you and him?”

“I literally hate you guys. I lost my damn horse so he let me ride on his. And, well, he’s just… I don’t know… He’s really protective, I guess. Levi cares more than he lets on.”

“Sounds like somebody has a soft spot for their captain,” Jas said with a wink. 

You rolled your eyes before dangerously staring back at Jas. “You know, Levi totally knows that you stole that keg.”

Jas choked on her food, sputtering and coughing before taking a deep breath. “ _What_?” she practically shouted.

“ _Yeah_ , stupid. He knows but I was the one who took the punishment for it. Me being friends with Levi gives you guys benefits, you know,” you said with confidence before cockily crossing your arms. Leaning closer to Jas’ face, you decided to tease back. “Maybe I should tell him to punish you, too. You like cleaning the stables? What about his office?”

“(F/N), please, no,” Jas begged with sincerity. You lightly smacked her arm. “Then shut the fuck up about Levi!” you said with a smile.

“Okay, okay, _fine_. We get it,” Jas murmured before quietly returning to her food.

You took your time before finally heading over to Levi’s office because of how nervous you were, despite being equally as excited. You thought back to his sad, apprehensive eyes when he told you, “ _We can’t talk about this.”_ Maybe he felt guilty for flirting with you… 

You still didn’t understand Levi at all. 

Strolling up to his office, you had basically stopped knocking on his door by this point. You were never very keen on manners. Turning the knob and pushing it open, you casually walked in with your hands behind your head. “I’m here as requested, sir--” 

Your mouth snapped shut at the sight of Petra sitting across from Levi at his desk. He looked to you with bored eyes before letting out an irritated sigh, then looking back to Petra. “Dismissed.” 

“Of course. Have a nice day, Captain,” she said with a sweet voice.

A pang of jealousy surged through your body. Despite him telling you that he wasn’t in a relationship with Petra, it was pretty obvious that she had feelings for him. She stood from her chair and sauntered past you with a hollow smile before closing the door behind her. You watched her until the door shut completely as you stood there motionless. Then, you looked back to Levi.

Silently, you made your way to the same chair she had just sat at and quickly began working on paperwork with your captain. A few minutes of awkward silence passed before you finally spoke.

“She likes you, you know.”

Levi stopped writing. “I haven’t noticed, but at least she knows how to restrain herself,” he retorted, very obviously making a jab at your flirtations. You felt his eyes boring into you, so you finally looked up at him with narrowed eyes. 

“I have plenty of self control,” you brazenly countered.

“Then focus on your damn paperwork, Private.”

You very clearly pouted at him in response, before wordlessly returning to your paperwork. You wondered what Petra was doing in his office, though you wouldn’t dare ask. You didn’t want to come across as jealous to someone like Levi, who was so reserved and collected in your eyes. He’d probably just scoff at your childish behavior. It also wasn’t really your business, and Levi already seemed irritated with you. 

Everything was always so confusing with him, you honestly wanted to put your knees to your chest and cry because of all the highs and lows you experienced because of him. Without realizing, a noticeable frown formed your lips.

The thought crossed your mind-- maybe he didn’t like you at all. Maybe his flirtations were just a tease, perhaps that was why he said he couldn’t talk about it.

“Are you mad at me?” you questioned in a whisper. Levi froze at the quiet inquiry before gazing at you. You hadn’t bothered to look up from your work, so your face was mostly hidden to him.

“I’m always mad at you,” he replied. You looked back at him with a somber expression. He immediately replicated your own frown at the sight.

“Don’t look at me like that, brat. _Tch,_ no, I’m not mad at you,” Levi said before changing his gaze to the window instead. 

_Oh. I guess it’s just Levi being Levi._

“What was that thing you bought yesterday?” he asked. A small grin crept up on you, upturning your lips. You thought it was a sweet question.

“A face mask, silly.”

Levi turned to face you once more, though he just quietly gazed at you with a small quirk of a brow. You paused to let out a small giggle at his silent question. You thought it was funny that you were about to explain to Captain Levi of the Survey Corps what a face mask was. _The world works in mysterious ways..._

“It’s like… skin care, you know? You put it on your face for a little while and then you rinse it off and your skin is super clean and soft,” you kindly explained. 

“Clean?” he echoed. You smiled at his simple response.

“Yes, clean. I can put it on you, if you’d like,” you joked.

“Go for it,” he encouraged with a straight face. 

_...HUH? Is he trying to make a joke?_

“A-are you serious?” you asked in shock.

“Well? Are you going to keep me waiting?” Levi teased you with a small smirk. You couldn’t believe this was happening. Captain Levi, _the sourpuss,_ was going to let you put a face mask on him? You almost pinched yourself, in fear you might’ve dreamt up this entire scenario. “W-what… I mean, i-it’s in my room,” you stuttered, nervously glancing at the door. You still couldn’t tell if he was fucking with you.

“Don’t take too long,” he ordered as he closed his eyes.

“Yes, sir,” you squeaked before quickly getting up and escaping to the door. 

As you walked in a hurried pace to your room, you couldn’t contain small fits of laughter. _Of course_ Levi would want something that makes his skin cleaner. Though, you never expected him to be much of a skin care guy, but what did you know? You liked him so much because of what a mystery he was. 

Damn near breaking your door down, you rushed over to your desk to pick up the delicate box containing the jar of skin care. Then, you thought about Levi, and how his hair draped over his forehead. Tapping your foot, you pondered for a moment before grabbing two little hair clips. Fleeing the room with excitement, you found yourself almost skipping back to his office.

Walking in through his doorway, the thought of seeing Levi with a face mask on made you feel fuzzy inside. “Okay,” you said, placing the three items on his desk in front of him. “Now, what?” you looked at him for permission. He closed his eyes and gently tilted his head up. “Knock yourself out,” he murmured.

Your conscience was screaming bloody murder as you hoisted yourself up on his desk in front of him, then crossing your legs. You were so close to him, facing him as he trusted you to touch him. Even if it was silly, it still felt so intimate. 

“I don’t want to get your hair all gross, so…” you trailed off as you clipped one side of his hair back. A toothy smile broke your lips apart at the view. Clipping the other side of his hair back, you sat back for a second to look at him in entirety before an honest laugh slipped out of your mouth. One of his eyes opened at the sound. “What’s so funny?” he deadpanned.

“You just…” you ran a finger across your own lips, trying not to burst out into hysterical, excited laughter. “You just look really cute,” you admitted. 

“ _Cute?”_ he murmured to himself, and you could’ve sworn you saw the lightest shade of pink just gently dust the apples of his cheeks. Popping open the box, you carefully lifted the jar out of its home before twisting the cap open. You wafted the container near his nose. “Smell good?” you cutely asked. He let out an agreeable _hm_.

Scooping a small amount on your finger, you stopped to analyze him for a brief moment. When his eyes were closed and he was sitting back, he looked a lot younger than he actually was, especially with his forehead on display as the two clips held his raven tendrils back. The grin on your face didn’t waver in the slightest. As delicately as you could, you brushed the earthy-green colored skin care onto Levi’s pale skin. Running your finger across the smoothness of his cheek, he let out a shaky sigh through his nose before he slightly adjusted himself. Without warning, Levi placed a gentle hand on your knee.

Although it was a soft touch, the unexpected gesture almost made you come apart at the seams. Levi and you had come into physical contact with each other before, but it was usually him gripping your wrist to stop you from doing something, or when he would grumpily carry you somewhere out of necessity, or when the two of you would accidentally brush against each other. Never before had Levi just _touched_ you, with no other purpose than to touch you. The warmth of his hand soaked through your pants and ignited your entire body, embarrassingly sending shots of heat to your loins as well as the apples of your cheeks. 

You took your time as you traced your fingers around the dips and curves of his face. It was taking all of your might not to just bend down and kiss him on the lips.

“All done,” you sang, finally pulling your hands away from him.

Levi’s eyes slowly opened. He looked very relaxed, and you couldn’t help but smile at him. “Then?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“You wait for it to dry, and then you rinse it off.”

“How do I look?” he jokingly questioned.

“Absolutely dashing, as always, Captain,” you dramatically swooned.

“Brat.” You stifled a laugh, knowing damn well you two were undercover flirting.

“Do you want me to make you tea while you wait?” you offered.

“Are you trying to spoil me or something?” he teased. You rolled your eyes at him in response. “I’m just trying to be nice. Well?”

“No,” Levi closed his eyes once more, resting his head back against his chair. “...Stay,” he almost whispered. You immediately blushed at his order, but opted to obey.

The both of you sat together in quietness. Levi mindlessly stroked his thumb back and forth on your knee as you fanned his face with your hand to allow the mask to dry quicker. Suddenly, Levi spoke again without opening his eyes or moving his head. “Erwin told me something interesting yesterday.”

His words knocked you loose from the blissful peace you were in. “Hm? What’d he tell you?”

“He let me know about your record.” You could’ve sworn your heart stopped. “You were quite the little crook back in Caliburn District, huh?” Swallowing nervously, you felt like you could almost hear your heart pounding in your chest. You were afraid Levi could hear it, too. Thinking quickly, you tried to counter him as you wondered just why Erwin was telling Levi about your record anyways.

“And why did he tell you that?”

“ _Shut up._ You know why.” Levi’s eyes remained closed, as if he was still clinging onto his relaxation.

“Because you asked?” you inquired. He kept quiet, and his lack of denial let you know that he was indeed asking Commander Erwin about you. You didn’t know how to feel, what with Levi knowing about your past, or the fact that he was asking the commander of the Survey Corps about you. You felt out of breath, despite not moving an inch.

“Your brother’s an MP?” You grimaced at the thought of your brother.

“Yeah, so what? I can’t fucking stand the Military Police,” you quickly spat.

“Hm? Why’s that?” Levi was probing at this point, and you _really_ were not interested in answering that question. Spilling your horrific trauma out to your captain certainly was not on your agenda for today. Better yet, you never planned on telling him anything about your past.

Leaning over, your fingertip grazed his face. “Your mask is dry. You can go rinse it, now,” you told him with a blank face and a flat tone. He finally opened his eyes and tilted his head to look at you, before wordlessly removing his jacket as he stood. He disappeared into the connecting bathroom while you leaned back on your arms and let out a stressful sigh. 

When he returned, the sleeves of his light grey button-up were rolled up to his elbows, and he still kept the little hair clips in. Despite internally freaking out because of what he had just told you, you still smiled like a kid at the heartwarming sight. Levi sat back down in front of you.

“Here,” you softly said as you leaned in, gently touching the back of his head as you freed one of the barrettes from his hair. Levi watched your face intently as it was so close to his own. Finally, you removed the other clip and set it behind you, but your position didn’t move. Levi’s eyes slowly trailed down to your lips before soundlessly looking back to your eyes, as if asking for permission. You leaned in just a centimeter before a loud knock at the door startled both of you, making you quickly reel back and jump off the desk. 

“Hey, Shorty! You seen (F/N) anywhere?” Hange shouted from the other side of the door.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose in utter annoyance. Even with your subconscious screaming in agony, you walked to the door and opened it to find Hange standing just behind it. “There you are!” she exclaimed before taking your arm and pulling you down the hallway. “Sorry, Shorty! You might get her back later!” she called out at Levi before slamming his door shut. “I have so many discoveries from today, (F/N)! You’re going to love it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by that little sketch of Levi, by no other than Isayama of course. Pretty cute, huh? 
> 
> I honestly didn't know if anyone would like this kinda fluff but I really hope you do. It's easily one of my favorite chapters I've written.


	17. Chapter 17

Hange had no hesitance in cooping you up in her lab for days. You had to give her credit, as she was making incredible strides with research on her titans. Though, the work of running research and progress reports was constant, starting in the morning lasting until the early hours of the following. You never complained to Hange, simply because you were grateful that you had the position to help her, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t exhausting. You hadn’t had time to see Levi or your friends in almost a full week.

You expected Levi to show up in Hange’s lab at least once, requesting for your help… but he didn’t. When you were with him, you always thought you were so close to breaking down one of his barriers, but then Levi would avoid you for days and it felt like all your progress with him had been lost. It hurt a lot more than you’d like to admit. 

It was three o’clock in the morning when you’d just finished your fourth cup of tea that day. Your hand was ridiculously cramped with the amount of writing you had been doing for Hange when she stretched out her back with a loud groan. “Alright, kiddo! I think that’s enough for today, don’t you think?” she said with a large grin, overlooking your exhaustive state. You immediately dropped the pen and set your head on the table. “Absolutely,” you mumbled into the papers in front of you. “I’ll give you a break tomorrow! Sorry for working you to the bone,” Hange laughed. Sitting up, you slid the giant stack of papers over to her before rubbing your eyes. “Thanks, Section Commander,” you replied with a tired, raspy voice. The two of you said your goodnights before you finally sauntered out of her lab.

Despite you being physically drained, the last cup of tea was hitting you, in turn making you mentally wide awake. Opting to take a stroll around HQ for a short while, you wondered what you’d do on your day off. Maybe you’d read a book… or try to help Levi with paperwork, or even see your friends. _Huh. I wonder if Jas or Peter are awake._

With that thought, you decided to head to the commons to see if anyone was still there. Your body hurt so bad from exhaustion that it took an alarming amount of time to get to the commons, but soon enough you turned the corner to see two figures with a large blanket draped over their back, huddling near the fireplace. You were almost afraid you were intruding on something until you got closer and realized it was Jas and Carlie. The sight definitely bewildered you.

Carlie was always one to touch her friends in a loving way, but Jas was the complete opposite. You’d never even hugged Jas, as she wasn’t really one to give physical affection to anyone ever. The two of them so close like that made you ponder their friendship. _Maybe they’re just closer than ever since they had that fight..?_

_Weird._ “Hey,” you softly called out. Jas quickly turned her head in horror before realizing it was you. She gave you an awkward, hesitant smile. Upon getting closer, you realized Carlie had fallen asleep on Jas’ shoulder. “Hey,” she replied.

“It’s so late, what are you doing up?” you questioned with a yawn. Jas rolled her eyes. “She fell asleep. I don’t wanna wake her dumbass up.” You smiled in response. Even if Jas was being sweet, she was still always going to be rough around the edges. She kind of reminded you of Levi sometimes. Maybe that’s another reason why you liked him so much.

“I’ll leave you to it, then. Goodnight, snugglebugs,” you teasingly whispered. “Shut up,” Jas mumbled just before you headed out.

The downstairs of HQ was dead as a doornail as you meandered through the cold building. Being deliriously tired, you watched your feet as they strode across the cobblestone floors, completely zoning out. That is, until you heard someone else’s footsteps echoing through the empty hallways. Looking up, Levi was about to walk just past you. Your face immediately lit up into a grin at the sight of him, but he simply looked at you and blinked in response. He wordlessly passed by you as you turned to watch him.

“Wait, Levi,” you spoke. He took one more step before ceasing his movement, though he didn’t turn his head to look at you. “Do… do you need help with paperwork tomorrow or anything?”

“No,” he coldly replied, still not looking at you. Your heart immediately dropped. Perhaps it was the fact that you were running on fumes, but the distance and apathy in his tone almost made your own voice crack in sadness. “Did I do something?” you dejectedly questioned. Levi didn’t respond. “I’m sorry…” you unknowingly apologized, and he still kept quiet.

_Does he fucking hate me now? What did I do?_

“Are you mad at me?” your voice wavered.

“No.”

“D-do you even like spending time with me?” you asked with a sniffle. You were so confused with how he treated you, you were finally at your breaking point. Levi let out a sigh as his shoulders slightly dropped. The both of you stood in silence for a few moments.

“I do,” he said. You swallowed loudly at his admission. Your following question spilled out of your mouth without a second thought.

“Do you think about me when I’m not around?” you inquired, holding your own collar out of sheer nervousness. 

Levi finally turned his head so you could see his side profile from over his shoulder. His eyes fell shut momentarily in hesitance, furrowing his brows as if he was in pain. “...Yes.”

Your mouth fell slightly open, before your feet moved faster than your brain even had time to react. Walking around him, you looked directly at Levi before reaching your hand out to touch his chest. “Then…” you began.

Your fingertips just barely grazed the material of his jacket before Levi grabbed your wrist and pulled it away from him. His grip on you was ridiculously hard, so much that it actually hurt. You quickly reeled your hand away and he released you with no hesitance, and you rubbed the pained skin with your other hand.

“Don’t,” he warned.

“But, why?” you cried out at him. Rage began bubbling up inside of you. He seriously wasn’t making any fucking sense. _Does he want me or not?_

“Is your skull really that thick, brat? We can’t! I mean, look at you,” Levi waved his hand in your direction.

  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you angrily retorted.

His eyebrows twitched at his poor choice of words. “I’m your damn superior officer, idiot. It’s not right. For the love of God, if Erwin found out, or Hange…” 

“Do you seriously think I’d go around telling people that I fucked _Captain Levi?_ ” you spat back with fury.

Levi’s hand covered half his face in embarrassment before becoming slightly flustered. “D-don’t be so damn vulgar! I h-haven’t even t-touched you!”

“But what if I want you to?” you teased with a slight smirk.

Levi’s face was more expressive, looking at you with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted. Perhaps it was a trick of the eye, but you thought you saw a light dusting of pink over his cheeks. He looked young.

“Stop… Shut up… You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he looked away as he folded his arms across his chest.

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t know. What’s the issue here?” you begged for leeway. 

“I’m trying to be good. Okay?” he worriedly glanced over your own body, as if you were a porcelain doll he was only allowed to look at.

“The thief from the Underground is trying to be _good_? You don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

“I’m the first to say my moral high ground is shot to Hell, but I’m trying to fucking look out for you. I don’t want to ruin…” his words got caught in his throat as his Adam’s apple bobbed, “you… Or us, our damn lives for God’s sake. I just can’t,” he finished.

Perhaps he really did have good intentions, but his mixed signals still sent you into a fit of rage. “ _Ruin me?_ Levi, what the fuck am I to you? Do you think I’m fragile or something, huh? You think I’ve never had a boyfriend?” His expression immediately fell back into his default bored look. His eyes stuck to the wall in silence. Taking a deep breath, you calmed down and softened your voice.

“You can. You can do whatever you please, but I want--” 

“You’re young,” he murmured, cutting you off, “You don’t know what you want.”

“Oh, so because you’re old, _you_ know what _I_ want? Aren’t you supposed to be smart? Wise, even? Because you sound pretty fucking stupid.”

“I am being wise, you brat. I don’t want you to make a decision you’ll regret.”

“ _Fuck_ _regret._ Who cares? Who even has time to regret? That big ass titan could tear down the wall and kill me, kill _us,_ and then what?” you ranted.

He stared at you in silence.

“And then we’re dead, and we did nothing because Captain _fucking_ Levi was so afraid he was going to mess me up. Newsflash, dickwad, I already am messed up!”

“You think I want to make it worse? For fuck’s sake, this is already hard enough to control myself around you and you’re trying to guilt me for doing so?” Levi quickly argued back.

“Because,” you breathed, getting closer to his face, “You don’t have to control yourself around me, Levi. I want _you._ All of you…” 

His eyes widened in shock at your words and seductive expression before gritting his teeth and pushing past you. Your eyes welled up in tears at the blatant rejection. “Go to fucking bed,” Levi ordered without looking back. You clenched your shirt as you felt your heart painfully pounding as he continued to walk until he was out of your sight. 

* * *

Lying in bed all day was definitely not how you anticipated spending your day off. Both your body and heart were sore, you couldn’t even find any will to get up to eat. You spent the entirety of the day’s light rolling over in bed and reading the fictional book you kept on your nightstand. Everything was always so _easy_ in books. The guy would kiss the girl, and they’d fall in love and it was happily ever after. But that wasn’t reality; at least, it wasn’t _your_ reality. 

You wondered how things would play out if your scenario was different. Maybe if Levi and you met when you weren’t in the Survey Corps, would things have changed? Would you have even met Levi?

You thought back to when you walked in his office for the first time to help him with paperwork. Unbeknownst to you, that nerve-wracking moment changed your life. A pang of regret rang through your head. Quickly throwing your face into your pillow, you groaned in mental pain before returning to your book.

Night fell swiftly. As the dark shadows in your room grew larger, you decided it was finally time to drag yourself out of bed to go to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, you acknowledged that you definitely weren’t looking too hot. _Maybe I should use that face mask…_

Trailing out of your restroom, you glanced over your desk to see that your face mask was missing. You paused for a moment, furrowing your brows. Then, you remembered you hadn’t grabbed it when Hange rushed you out of Levi’s office a week ago. Your head fell into your hands at the realization. 

_Fuck it. I paid for it, I’m getting it back._

Not bothering to change your sleep shirt, you kicked off your shorts and wrestled to throw on a pair of dark pants and loafers before heading out of your room for the first time that day. You were certainly not excited to see Levi after the previous night’s debacle, but you had no choice. Even if he straight up denied you, you still wouldn’t mind seeing him again for a few short seconds.

Approaching his office, you felt knots in your stomach. You hesitated in front of his door, before sharply swallowing and lightly knocking on the wood twice with the knuckle of your index finger.

_No response_.

Rolling your eyes, you still pushed the door open to see something slightly startling. Levi’s chair was pushed back, with his arms crossed as he was slightly hunched over. He had fallen asleep at his desk. Your expression softened at the sight. Quietly walking over, you looked over his dormant body. Letting out a small sigh through your nose, you strolled up behind him before taking his jacket off the back of his chair, then carefully draping it over his shoulders. You guessed he was a light sleeper because he immediately jumped at the contact, waking up quickly. Levi let out a small groan. “Sorry,” you softly apologized, before walking around his desk to grab the jar of skin care and the two barrettes. 

He looked up at you, blinking slowly as you collected your things. Then, his hand raised. Suddenly, he lightly took hold of your own hand. Your breath hitched at the unexpected touch. Levi looked more tired than usual as he gazed at you, gently rubbing his thumb over the knuckles of your hand in silence. 

  
Letting out a confused, shaky sigh, you bit your lip before taking your hand away from his own and walking to the door. He didn’t say anything as you quietly shut it behind you. 

Your hand promptly smacked over your forehead in confusion as you leaned against the outside of his closed door. 

_What the Hell?_

You felt pity for him. Maybe Levi was just as confused as you. He seemed so torn… and it hurt you a thousand times more.


	18. Chapter 18

The mess hall seemed to be particularly loud the following morning. At least Jas thought so.

“Are you okay, Jassy?” Carlie asked from across the table. Jas had only eaten half her bowl of oatmeal before setting her head on the table and covering her face with her arm. She let out a long, muffled groan in response. Slowly picking her head up, you could see that her dark circles were wild. “Holy shit. Did you wake up and die or something?” you asked, your spoon paused midair.

“Very funny,” she sarcastically mumbled before rubbing her eye with the heel of her palm. “I keep having nightmares in the women’s quarters so I don’t sleep. I have a fucking killer headache,” she raspily explained.

“Pfft, nightmares are for chumps,” Peter joked before Carlie slapped him on his arm.

“I always had bad dreams when I slept in the women’s quarters, too. The girls’ snores sound like titan snarls,” you replied.

“Tell me about it,” Jas murmured as she exhaustively threw her head in her hands.

You looked over your best friend for a second before jokingly patting her on the head out of pity. “You can sleep in my room tonight, Jassy-poo,” you cheerfully offered. Jas’ head snapped in your direction. “Really?” 

You delightfully nodded your head at her, right before her mood entirely changed. Jas threw her arm around your neck and violently reeled you against her chest into a weird, sisterly side hug. “You are the fucking best, (F/N)! It’ll be like when we were kids again!” Jas laughed, her tired face entirely juxtaposing her elation. 

“I always forget how long you two have known each other,” Carlie chimed in with sweet eyes.

“Oh yeah, me and (F/N) go way back,” Jas snootily responded. You almost immediately rolled your eyes at her. 

Carlie and Peter had small smiles on their faces, right before their lips dropped into flat lines and their eyebrows raised, looking just past you and Jas. 

“Why the long faces--” you began.

A firm hand was placed on your shoulder, interrupting you by slightly reeling you back on the bench. Quickly gazing up to see the culprit, you found Levi standing over you.

“My office. I’m swamped,” he bluntly ordered. You narrowed your eyes at the sight of your arrogant captain. “I’m kinda busy,” you retorted in annoyance.

“I didn’t ask. Let’s go,” he demanded. Letting out an irritated sigh, you shot a look back to your friends. All three of them had incredibly intimidated looks on their faces. You often forgot that they didn’t know Captain Levi like you did. You gave them a sarcastic eye roll and reassuring smile before throwing your legs over the bench to stand and follow Levi. 

“You couldn’t even let me finish breakfast?” you complained as you trailed behind him. He blatantly ignored you, even until the both of you got to his office. In fact, you two didn’t exchange any words while you sat and began working on paperwork.

The air between you and Levi felt heavy with tension and frustration. It was damn near making your sweat. So much so, that you ended up taking your jacket off and throwing it over the back of your chair before you returned to your work. You understood that Levi was avoiding your advances, and in turn holding back his own, so that you two could maintain a “professional” relationship. Though, the fact that it was clear you both had some semblance of feelings for each other ultimately made things worse; for your case, at least. 

Planting your elbow on the desk, you rested your head in your hand while you boredly handled your task. “Button your shirt,” Levi finally spoke. You gazed up at him for a moment, before taking a glance at your shirt. You had at least four or five buttons undone, exposing a large portion of your chest. Without hesitation, you began writing again.

“Sorry, _sir,_ both my hands are taken at the moment,” you sneeringly disobeyed.

“ _Tch_.” Levi paused to inhale before standing and harshly leaning over his desk to tend to your blouse. “Insubordinate brat,” he muttered under his breath as his calloused fingers worked to redo your buttons. Even the grazing touches of his fingertips through your shirt felt like electricity, your cheeks reddened at the indirect contact. Soon enough, he sat back down and silently returned to his work.

You watched Levi work with his tired eyes, smooth black tendrils framing his face. You remembered when he told you he had insomnia. Perhaps that was why he had such tired eyes. Nonetheless, you thought they made him look ridiculously attractive-- and then you remembered that you had walked in on him sleeping yesterday.

“Can I ask you a quest--”

“Spit it.”

“Um… How did you… How did you fall asleep in your chair like that? It must’ve been so uncomfortable,” you asked with a soft tone.

“I always sleep here,” he nonchalantly replied. Blinking hard in disbelief, your eyes widened. “W-what? In your chair?”

Levi let out a short _hm_ in confirmation. _HUH?_

“Levi, what? You can’t do that! It’s so bad for your back!” you lectured in worry.

His pen paused mid sentence before he looked up at you with an amused expression. “So?” he teased. Your pen was still in your hand as you held your hands in the air. “ _So?_ What do you mean ‘ _so’?”_

Unexpectedly, you rose out of your chair and meandered around his desk. “Hold on. I have to see something,” you said as you approached him. 

“What the Hell are you--”

You instantly cut Levi off as you grasped the soft spots between his neck and shoulders, instantly coaxing an uncontrollable groan out of your captain. You smiled at the sound, and firmly rubbed your thumbs in circles through his shirt. “By the fucking walls, you have so many knots, it’s not even funny,” you told him, before pausing for a moment.

“ _Pfft,_ it’s _knot_ even funny,” you repeated with emphasis on the pun. Levi let out another groan.

“You… are so annoying,” he mumbled with a wavering voice as you worked your fingers into his rigid muscles, just before his head slightly dropped down. He was clearly enjoying the feeling and you couldn’t help but to bask in his indulgence.

“Have you ever gotten a massage? You seriously need one,” you playfully scolded as you enticed more soft groans and sighs out of him. 

“N-no. I’d never--” Levi paused to groan through his teeth, “I’d never let someone touch me like that.”

“You’re letting me right now,” you informed him with a tiny smirk.

“ _Shut up-nnghh,”_ spilled out of your captain’s mouth. You continued to work your thumbs down momentarily before he finally reached behind him to take hold of your wrists. “Okay, alright,” he breathed, “That’s enough.”

You leaned down to get a bit closer to his ear. “Are you sure?” you softly asked with a salacious undertone. 

“Sit down before I kick your ass,” he ordered, although he sounded much less demanding than usual. Letting out a soft giggle, you returned to your chair and plopped down in front of him. 

“ _Fuck,”_ Levi sighed as he momentarily grabbed hold of his own shoulder, tilting his head to crack his neck.

“You’re welcome,” you teased, wiggling your fingers over his desk, “I guess I just have magic hands.”

Promptly, Levi took one of your hands in his before slowly bowing his head down, lips brushing against the top of your hand. “Thanks… That felt good,” he embarrassingly admitted with a hushed tone, just before placing the softest kiss where his lips brushed against. The sight and the feeling made your cheeks turn bright red. With him letting go of your hand, you gently reeled it back before lightly touching the skin he just pecked.

“It sure seemed like it,” you said with a tuneful voice and a small grin.

“Be quiet. Now, back to your work before I actually beat your ass,” he playfully threatened.

You both worked in comfortable silence until your stack of paperwork was completed. Levi picked up the pile, thumbing through it. 

“Great. Now, shoo, brat.” 

You politely obliged. Closing his door behind you, you let out a delightful sigh. Looking up, your body slightly jumped in startlement. Commander Erwin was just a few feet from you, walking towards Levi’s door. Fighting everything in you to not stutter, you managed to speak out, “Good afternoon, Commander Erwin!”

The man was easily a foot taller than you, and although he had a kind face, he still intimidated the living shit out of you. 

“Good afternoon, (F/N). How have you been?” he asked. 

You paused in confusion, as you didn’t realize he even knew your name. Then, you remembered that Levi had asked about you. You wondered what the two of them spoke about. 

“I’ve been well, Commander. Thanks for asking. How about you?” you professionally responded with a nervous smile.

“Just fantastic,” he replied as he pushed open Levi’s door, “Have a great day.”

“Y-you, too, sir,” you called out as he shut the door behind him.

For once, you finally understood Levi’s apprehension regarding the two of you, in the horrific situation of Erwin or Hange finding out. Trying to collect yourself, you were reminded that Levi and you hadn’t even done anything. 

_Maybe it’s for the better,_ you sadly told yourself as you wandered through the halls of the office wing.

* * *

Much later that night, you had finally settled down in your room. With your lantern lit, you kicked off your pants and threw on an oversized sleep shirt before lying down on your stomach. About forty-five minutes into reading your book, you heard a knock at your door. _That must be Jas._

“Come in, loser,” you called out, not moving from your position.

The door creaked open. “What did you just call me?” a deep voice questioned. Eyes widening in shock, your head turned to see Levi standing just in your room, with your jacket hung over his forearm. “Oh, shit,” you expressed, jumping up from your bed. Your shirt barely covered your panties as you rushed over to him. 

“Stop leaving your shit in my office,” he said before he glanced down at your bare legs.

“W-wh-” he interrupted himself by placing his hand over his eyes, despite his fingers being parted, still being able to see through them. “W-where are your damn p-pants?” Levi stuttered.

“I don’t know, in my hamper?” you sarcastically responded before taking your jacket from him. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you,” you told him as you trailed over to your desk, swinging your jacket over the back of your chair.

“Then, who the Hell were you planning to let in, dressed like that?” he irritatedly demanded. 

“None of your business!” you turned and playfully shot back before Levi annoyingly averted your gaze. “ _Tch.”_

That’s when it hit you. 

_Does Levi get… jealous?_ You furrowed your brows in silent thought. Then, you remembered back to when he lectured you about having a “relationship” with Peter, despite now having feelings for you. And then you thought about how he let out an irritated sound when you called Peter an “amazing boy”. It took all of your composure to not physically react to your realization, as Levi was standing right in your room. 

_“Ugh,_ ” Levi let out a disgusted sound, snapping you out of your epiphany. “Your room is disgusting. You need to clean it,” he said.

In utter confusion, you looked all around your room. Your floors were completely clean. “The fuck are you talking about? My room _is_ clean.”

Wordlessly, he pointed to your desk which had been an explosion of papers, pens and various other things. “You call that clean?”

“Well… I guess it's disorganized,” you admitted, before he strolled over to your window sill. Running a finger along the wood, avoiding your plants, he raised his hand to examine it. “And your window sill is filthy,” he told you.

“Not all of us are clean freaks, like you, Levi,” you teased before you wandered over to your bed, falling back onto it. 

Without permission, he sauntered into your bathroom before returning with a washcloth. Kneeling at your window sill, he gently placed your plant collection on the floor before vehemently wiping down the wood for you. “You’re my maid now?” you joked.

“You wish,” he muttered in response, as he finished placing your items back on the ledge. Propping yourself up on your elbow, you rested the side of your head on your hand as you laid on your bed and watched him. He finally turned around to look at you. The view of you made him let out a shaky sigh before he hesitantly shut his eyes. 

“What are you doing to me, brat?” he mostly questioned himself. His words made you stop breathing as your lips fell open. “I--”

“Am I interrupting something?” Jas’ voice came from the doorway. Your head quickly turned to see her staring at you with a quizzical look, before nodding her head at Levi. Levi emotionlessly gazed in her direction.

“Clean your own damn room,” Levi harshly said, before throwing the washcloth at your chest. It took all of your will not to smile at his sudden acting. “You’re the worst,” you called out at him as you sat up in bed. 

He walked around Jas, stepping just out of the doorway before he simply retorted, “Brat.” Levi swiftly closed the door behind him.

“What the _fuck_ was that?” Jas immediately interrogated. You nervously scratched your forehead, averting her gaze. “I don’t know what you mean,” you wondrously replied.

“Don’t act dumb with me!”

“Oh, my God, chill out. He just came in here to return my jacket,” you explained, motioning to the outerwear hung on your chair. 

“Okay,” Jas said with furrowed brows, “Why the fuck aren’t you wearing pants?” 

You almost let out the most boisterous laugh, but contained it to a genuine grin. “I thought you were coming, but he showed up first! It’s not what it looks like! Me and him are just friends,” you defended.

“Okay, you’re friends with Captain Levi, sure. That doesn’t mean you--”

Thinking quickly, you decided to change the subject. “Yeah? What about you and Carlie?”

Jas’ words immediately got caught in her throat. You quirked a brow at her. 

Letting out a loud sigh, she ran her hands through her hair before walking over to sit on your bed. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this,” she said quietly. You stared at her in disbelief, simply because you were just teasing her at first. You didn’t expect her to get serious about it.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

Jas didn’t look at you. Bending over, she propped her elbows up on her knees before throwing her head into her hands. She didn’t respond for a short while.

“I… um… I really like Carlie.”

“Yeah, Jas. We all like Carlie, she’s our friend--”

“No, stupid,” she interrupted you before pausing for another brief moment. “I mean I _like_ Carlie.”

“You… you mean you… you _like_ like her?” you questioned.

“Yes.” You blinked a few times in realization. You knew Jas was never particularly fond of men, but you never really thought much of it. Who she was into was never something you wondered about because it was her business. Though, it did make sense. You just had no idea that she liked Carlie, despite all the signs being right in front of your face. 

You both sat in silence for a few moments. “Do you hate me?” she whispered. 

“What? Are you kidding?” you crawled on the bed until your legs swung off the edge, sitting next to your best friend. “Why would I ever hate you? Because you like our friend? I’m happy for you!” you immediately comforted her. Jas looked at you, letting out a shaky sigh in relief. 

“Thank fuck,” Jas muttered. You watched her briefly, and you could see that Jas was shaking out of nervousness. 

“Jassy, look at me,” you said with a reassuring smile. She hesitantly gazed at you.

“I could never hate you. I want you to love whoever you love.” 

Jas looked at you with guileless eyes, tears threatening to escape. 

“And Carlie’s a total babe. Nice one,” you teased with a wink. Jas immediately pushed you with a loud laugh.

“Shut up.”


	19. Chapter 19

Doing Hange’s paperwork with her was easily ten times worse than helping Levi. This was mostly because Hange couldn’t keep her papers organized for the life of her, while Levi’s office and in turn, his desk was always spick and span. Despite Levi being ridiculously strict about cleaning, it was something you actually learned to appreciate. Men definitely weren’t held to the same standards of women. In fact, you had found that most women around you were attracted to brute, tall, bulky and aggressive men. Levi was damn near the exact opposite of that: short, feminine, eloquent, quiet, and although he could be a harsh man, you often caught glimpses of how soft and caring he was under all his roughness. Of course, you’d never use any of those descriptive words in front of him. It was pretty clear that Levi had a strong distaste for showing any kind of emotion, and he’d probably run far, far away from you if he realized just how much you unraveled his inner workings.

If your childish crush on your subdued captain was bad to begin with, you had no idea what to call it now. He made up your every thought, he fueled each step you took and all the while made you writhe in pain and frustration. Knowing that he felt a certain type of way about you made your insides hurt. You’d think it would make you feel satisfied, but the fact that you knew he’d never act on it made you feel like you were wilting.

It took all of your concentrated energy to help Hange organize her completed paperwork. “Alright, (F/N), could you take these to Erwin? Then you’ll have the rest of the day off! Sound good?” Hange offered boisterously. You gave her a small smile, despite wanting to die inside. “Of course, Section Commander,” you nodded. 

You were definitely a smart ass, there was no denying that. But it was mostly to people who you were comfortable with, like Jas, Carlie, Peter, and even Levi, despite him being  _ the _ Captain Levi. But yet, you were still incredibly respectful to people like Hange and Erwin who had much less crass personalities than your friends and their captain counterpart. Having to act formal around the higher-ups in the Scouting Regiment was torture. It always made you terribly nervous, like bile was just lurching at the back of your throat and you felt like you’d pass out from the imaginary pressure. The intense need to be performative around Hange eventually ceased over the years as she was your squad leader, and you worked quite closely with her, but Erwin was a busy and intimidating man. You were sure you’d never overcome the anxiety that came in tidal waves along with his looming presence.

Collecting the decent-sized stack of papers, you and Hange wished each other pleasurable afternoons before you went on your way. Trailing down the hallway, you adjusted your clammy grip on the paperwork before stopping right before Erwin’s office door. You heard mutterings from inside the room. Hoping to get the interaction over with quickly, you briefly knocked on the door three times.

“Enter,” you heard Erwin’s deep voice permit you. Shuffling the papers to your left hand, you opened the door with your right to reveal the statuesque, blonde commander sitting at his desk with an opposing, petite figure sitting just across from him, both looking directly at you.

Levi and Erwin must have been having some sort of conversation. For some reason, the concoction of both of them made your perturbation soar. 

“Oh, Commander Erwin, Captain Levi,” you greeted them. It felt incredibly odd to call Levi that without being sarcastic. 

You stood there in awkward, dumb silence for a few moments before waving the papers in your hand. “Um… Hange just sent me to drop these off,” you announced, slowly ambling towards Erwin’s large desk. 

“Lovely. Thank you, (F/N),” Erwin said as you handed the paperwork over to him. In response, you gave him the most polite, charming, borderline flirtatious smile as you held your hands behind your back. “Of course, Commander. Have a great day,” you said with a salute before scurrying past the silent Levi and closing the door behind you. 

Upon escaping the grandiose office, you shook your head at yourself.  _ You’re such a clumsy idiot,  _ you scolded yourself as you tugged on your collar, feeling hot from embarrassment. Still feeling tense, you decided to head for the office kitchenette. Perhaps a hot cup of tea would help wind you down.

Leaning over the counter, you propped your elbow up and rested your head in your hand while you waited for the kettle to boil. You wondered back to Levi, curious about what him and Erwin were discussing. 

“I can’t stand you,” came a voice from the doorway. Peering over, Levi was leaning his shoulder against the frame as you caught a glimpse of his eyes trailing up your legs and over your bottom. Pressing your hands to the counter, you pushed yourself to stand up straight. 

“I find that hard to believe,” you coquettishly retorted. He let out a neutral  _ hm _ in response before averting his eyes, staring at some random point on the wall. You regarded him in a few moments of silence.

“I’ve got a meeting in Mitras tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll see your brother,” Levi stated.

“I hope you don’t,” you coldly replied. Levi blinked and looked back in your direction. He despised how little he knew about you, with the gargantuan contradiction of how much he liked you. 

You were wholesome, an unexpected air to you. It made him cling to the edge of his seat. Levi was meticulously skilled in reading people, but he could never get to the bottom of you. He couldn’t understand how you could be so lewd yet bashful at the same time, how your cheeks would get so red and how you could become a nervous mess just by an accidental touch, but yet you still had the wit and bravery to be so rude and crass back to him.

Every other person in the Survey Corps, Levi could tame in his mind, besides you and Erwin. You both had a light in you that never wavered, even when you were exhausted, in pain, or consumed in your work.

“Is that why you and Erwin were talking? You’re both going to Sina?” you changed the subject.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Levi mused. You pouted at him. 

“The Hell is that supposed to mean?”

“ _ Of course, Commander. Have a great day, _ ” Levi mocked in a deadpan tone. Turning around to face away from the counter, you meekly crossed your arms and looked the other way in response.

“You talk to Erwin like that but not your damn captain?” Levi continued on, clearly attempting to tease you.

“Shut up, asshole,” you muttered, still not looking at him. And before you knew it, you heard footsteps on the wooden floor. Quickly looking forward, Levi was right in front of you.

“Do you think that’s any way to address your superior?” Levi playfully dared with his utmost lacking expression. The shock from him being so close to you left you speechless. The moment felt so intimate and frightening, as you were both in the  _ very public _ kitchenette of the office wing. You gazed at his soft features, encompassed in dark locks framing his face. His pleasurable scent radiated off his body, and you realized you could actually feel the presence of his body heat from the short distance.

“Did you forget how to speak now? You’re all bark and no bite, soldier,” Levi’s voice lowered as his hand reached up, ever so gently tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear, before his fingernails flatly traced down your jawline, ending with his thumb and index finger brushing in accordance to the point of your chin. He could feel your body heat, too, and it sent him into an intoxicated frenzy.

You realized he was staring at your lips that were hanging open before he ran the calloused tip of his thumb across your bottom lip ever so slowly. Levi was entranced in the moment; nothing else was real then besides the two of you. He could feel your shaky breath cooling over his digits as he thumbed your rose petal soft lips.

Your brain was malfunctioning, you could’ve swore.  _ This must be a dream _ .

But yet it felt so real. Your heart was pounding so hard you could hear it in your ears, and you could feel the roughness of him on your vulnerable mouth.

You’d be damned if you hadn’t made this moment count.

Without hesitation, your eyes locked with his as your tongue met the pad of his thumb, slowly swiping up as you let out a hot breath. Immediately, Levi let out a desperate sigh through his nose, his expression dripping with ravenous desire.

Levi’s thumb leerily pressed further into your wet muscle before your head slightly bobbed down, pushing his thumb past your teeth. As if it was instinct muscle memory, you enclosed your warm mouth around him. Giving the extremity a memorable suck, your tongue encircled around it as you stared back at him with the most obnoxious bedroom eyes, a deep red blush staining your cheeks and the bridge of your nose. His mouth fell open, just as yours was before. It took everything for him not to moan at the sensation of your wet mouth around him, trying his hardest not to think about the sensation elsewhere.

Then, Levi’s eyes closed in an almost painful expression. He removed his thumb so quickly you weren’t even able to fully register what happened before he fleeted the room, disappearing around the corner. He left you there, panting and shaking like a dog. The pool of desire in your lower belly and nethers was an intense rage of heat, and you could barely collect yourself.  _ Did that really just happen? _

The tea kettle aside of you began whistling, completely snapping you out of your daze. You were almost unsure if you had just completely daydreamed that scenario, but your wet lips and the hair tucked behind your ear led you to believe differently. Deciding you were no longer in the mood for tea, you prepared a plain cup of steaming black tea before sauntering to Levi’s office.

Not giving a damn, you pushed open the door to reveal your captain sitting at his desk, his head dejectedly hanging as his hand covered his forehead and eyes in a distressed manner. His pen was in the motion writing, but had paused. 

“No,” he simply muttered at the sound of the door opening. 

“Levi,” you softly cooed, trailing towards his confused self. His hand fell as he watched you approach, his casual frown still plastered on his face. “It’s okay,” you assured him, placing the cup just aside his stack of papers. 

“It’s not,” he replied, embarrassingly looking away from you. You wanted to console him, better yet, you wanted him to not feel regret.

“What’s the harm, Levi? If we both want it--” you began, trying to console your captain.

“The  _ harm? _ We would drive each other insane-- W-we’d…” Levi trailed off, stressfully brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“We’d put our jobs at risk… for what? For limerence and lust? It’s just not realistic--” 

With out of character confidence, you leaned over the desk, snatching the pen out of his hand and grabbing his collar with your other hand. Reeling his face closer to yours, you planted a firm kiss on his lips.

He completely froze in reaction, not returning the kiss. You pulled away from the peck quickly, closing the cap of his pen and tossing it back on his desk. “Realism is for fools when we live in a world like this,” you poetically spoke before promptly turning your back to him and sauntering over to the door. Levi watched you in silence, his eyes were widened in shock as his fingertips brushed over his own lips in disbelief. You glanced back at him just before you made your frigid exit. “Have a nice trip, sir,” you bid him farewell before closing the door behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Levi. He's so confused.


	20. Chapter 20

It had been three days since Levi and Erwin left for the capital, along with twenty-some additional soldiers, including Hange as well.

You kept trying to push past the memory of you intrusively placing a kiss on his lips, taking the time to surround yourself with fellow comrades.

“I wonder what the fuck that meeting is about in Mitras. Hange didn’t tell me anything about it,” Jas questioned aloud, placing a hand on her hip. You two were traipsing through the halls to meet up with Carlie and Peter in the commons.

“I think it had something to do with the Military Police,” you told her. Jas looked over her shoulder at you with a quirked brow. “How do  _ you _ know?” Jas sneerily interrogated. You averted your eyes away from her gaze.

“Levi said he might see my brother,” you earnestly mumbled. She slow blinked at you.

“Damn, (F/N). He even knows about your brother?” 

“It’s not like I told him…  _ Ugh. _ Whatever, it doesn’t matter,” you dismissed her questionable nature. Jas let out a sigh and you both walked in unison wordlessly for a moment.

“So… how long have you liked Carlie?” you asked her.

“ _ Pfft, _ ” Jas let out, landing a light-handed slap on your upper arm. “Don’t ask me that kinda shit,” she murmured.

“Come on,” you jabbed Jas in the side teasingly, “You can tell me!”

Jas rolled her eyes at you, before gazing at the wall as she paced by your side. “Longer than I'd like to admit. Remember that night at the library?” she admitted.

You nodded. The thought never really crossed your mind that Jas would've liked your squad mate.

But things began to make sense. Jas had always been a certain type of way to Carlie-- though you had never questioned it until Jas told you the truth. She was always so brashly protective over Carlie.

The corner of your lips upturned into a crooked smile.  _ Just like Levi _ .

“That’s sweet, Jassy,” you said to her before pushing past the door to the commons.

Before you was a room of more people than expected. You immediately caught sight of Peter and Carlie who were sitting not too far apart, though your eye twitched at the additional scouts among them. Your two friends had been surrounded by Levi’s squad, Petra, Gunther, Oruo and Eld. 

Carlie waved at you and Jas from across the room, motioning for you to join them. You peeked at Jas apprehensively. “Come on,” Jas said as he grabbed your wrist, practically dragging you over to the other six.

Sure, you might’ve had the balls to kiss Captain Levi, but the Special Operations squad still intimidated you. The four scouts were hand-picked by Levi, so you knew they must be incredibly strong. And truthfully, you still had jealous hesitance in regards to Petra. Levi might not have had mutual feelings, but  _ she _ liked  _ him. _ You didn’t particularly enjoy that fact.

Jas dangerously eyed Eld before seating herself right beside Carlie. You settled aside Peter, facing Oruo. “If only Hange and Levi were here,” Peter jokingly announced.

“That’d end in fucking flames,” Gunther replied, bending over and shuffling a deck of cards. Upon further inspection, all the guys had been playing a card game of sorts. 

“I want in,” Jas demanded, throwing herself into the card game with them.

“It’s nice to finally have some time off,” Oruo said, suspiciously eyeing his own deck. 

“Yeah. I don’t know why almost all the squad leaders had to leave for Sina. I heard Erwin say something about MP Headquarters,” Eld replied, throwing a card on the small table.

“Heard that. Levi told (F/N) that he might see her brother,” Jas blurted.

Oruo shot a glance at you at the sound of your name. You looked back at him, observing his face momentarily. He looked strangely old, despite him being a bit younger than you. It was kind of unsettling.

“So,” Petra spoke, gently tilting her head at you in a sweet manner, “How do you know the captain?”

Though the unexpected question threw you off guard, you forced a kind smile in return. “Um… I just help him with paperwork,” you answered. The image of Levi with his thumb in your mouth flashed through your mind.

“Oh, that makes sense,” she pondered. “He didn’t ask for me to help him with paperwork for a while. I thought he was just torturing himself, but I guess he had someone else helping him, huh?” she said with softness in her voice. You had to admit, she was really sweet. You couldn’t wrap your mind around why Levi would want you instead of her.

* * *

Levi stood in the extravagant headquarters located in Mitras. His green Scout Regiment jacket hugged his waist as he gazed over Erwin’s shoulder to watch the MP Commander, Nile.

Erwin and Nile communicated in low tones as Levi blinked to analyze the large room, peering at individual Military Police.  _ Smug bastards,  _ he thought as his eyes glossed over their sneering faces. They thought so lowly of the Survey Corps.

Suddenly, Nile made a grunt before glancing at a man who appeared to be in his late twenties. “Lieutenant (L/N), show Captain Levi to the meeting room. Commander Erwin and I will be there shortly,” Nile gruffly ordered.

Levi’s eyes locked onto the young man who shared your last name. Upon his realization he could see that he looked similar to you in appearance, though the man was much taller than you. 

Edouard cockily saluted Nile before leading Levi down a hallway. Your captain analyzed your brother’s tall figure.

“How’s life in Trost, sir?” Eduoard asked in an attempt to make casual conversation. Levi didn’t reply.

“I know your sister. Whiny brat, but decent in the Corps,” Levi blatantly told him. Your brother peered over his shoulder with nonchalant eyes.

“(F/N)? That bitch is still alive?” Eduoard genuinely questioned. 

Levi’s blood ran cold, and then immediately boiled with intense heat at the sound of him calling you  _ bitch. _ He wondered about your relationship with him, remembering back to when you coldly brushed off the mention of your brother twice. Then, he thought about how you told him your parents didn’t care for you much.  _ This must be why she doesn’t like to talk about her past much,  _ Levi conclusively pondered.

Edouard stopped just beside a door, looking back to the short captain. Levi glared daggers at the man in front of him. Perhaps if he had just a bit less self control, he would’ve kicked your brothers head in. But Levi managed to grit his teeth as he coolly walked past the tall man, almost slamming the door behind him as he disappeared into the meeting room.

* * *

You sluggishly woke up and showered the next day, not leaving your room until afternoon. Having days off were nice, but things got repetitive and boring when there was no work to do. 

You casually strolled the hallways of HQ with the lenient destination of the library. Fiddling with your thumbs, you approached the big doors before one flew open, your Section Commander’s lanky body slid out of the library with four books stacked in her arms.

“Oh! Hange!” you instantly said at the sight of her. “How was the meeting in the capital?”

“Nice to see you, (F/N). Meeting was great. Hey, I’ve got a lot of paperwork. Would you help me later tonight?” she asked quickly as she bolted past you. “Of course,” you gladly agreed as Hange made her way back to her lab.

You found yourself staring at the library door.  _ If Hange’s back, then that means…  _

Turning on your heel, you darted in the direction of the office wing. Your legs didn’t stop moving until you faced Levi’s office door. You wanted to see him, even if he was pissed at you.

Without knocking, you turned the handle and let yourself in. Levi looked up from his desk and watched you close the door behind you. 

“Get out of here. I have a meeting soon,” his eyes trailed to the blank wall beside him. You leaned your back against the shut door. 

“I missed you,” you softly admitted.

“Don’t say such things, brat,” Levi replied, quieter than usual.

“Fine,” you said as you began trailing towards him, shrugging your shoulders. “I missed doing copious amounts of paperwork with you in complete and utter awkward silence. Better?” you sarcastically fired.

“Better,” he affirmed as his head moved to watch your approaching body. You walked around his desk and sat atop of it, gazing down at him. He regarded you with his default stoic expression.

Your hand reached to brush through Levi’s hair before your wrist was rudely snatched mid-air. “Don’t,” he warned, a tinge of shakiness to his voice.

“Please, Levi,” you begged. His hold on your wrist tightened. “Tell me to fuck off if you don’t like me. Kick my ass and throw me in the cells for a week, if that’s how it is,” you dared, slightly leaning over to get closer to his face. Levi had no will in his body to protest against your actions. You were dangerously intoxicating to him. If anything could make Levi lose control, it was you.

Levi inhaled before sitting up a bit, inching closer to your face as well. You gazed down at his lips before slowly tilting your head to meet his with your own. 

You and Levi shared an unmoving, soft kiss, basking in the requited feeling. Levi went to pull back, but you grabbed his collar tight, tugging him towards you. You sucked on his top lip slowly as he let out a gentle sigh through his nose, and you could feel his body relax a bit. You hadn’t realized he was so tense and frigid.

You felt your reality slipping as he ran his tongue across your bottom lip. Slightly parting your legs, you put a strong hand on the back of Levi’s chair and leaned forward. Levi seemed to have lost any semblance of control as he already began brushing his fingers up your calves.

_ Holy shit, _ you thought.

Your captain placed a firm hand on your thigh, slowly trailing a path up the length of your leg. The both of you were intently involved in your kiss, heavy breathing and audible sighs. It felt right.

Levi’s slender fingers reached the leather of the ODM strap on your thigh. He gently brushed across the edge of the metal before reaching both of his careful hands up to undo the buckle. You let out a genuine, exasperated hum at the feeling of your captain’s hands removing your ODM gear. Levi bit down on your bottom lip softly as he brushed his thumb over the newly exposed strip of your thigh. 

One forceful knock landed on the door. “Shorty! Meeting in five, get your ass out here,” Hange called out from the hallway before you heard her footsteps dissipating towards Erwin’s office. You pulled away from Levi’s face, looking down at him. His tired eyes were still shaded but were wider and glossier, along with his lips being fuller. The best part of the view was the dull pink on his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Levi looked at you through dazed eyes. He wished he could ravage you, but he just  _ had _ to be busy.

Your captain leaned back on his chair, indiscreetly adjusting himself below his belt. The sight made your damn blood pressure rise before you closed your eyes. 

“Get lost,” Levi almost whispered as he ran his finger across your thigh once more. “You’ll make me late,” he almost taunted you.

The moment felt so satisfying, but thrilling and scary. It was Captain Levi…

You hopped off his desk before shooting him a small smile with wetted, nearly bruised lips. He stared at you with a blank face in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Submissive Levi is canonical, by the way.


	21. Chapter 21

The rain was heavy that day; it was dreary and grey outside. You silently settled on Levi’s couch in his office as he tended to his work. The moment itself was sweet-- the soft sounds of your captain’s hands shuffling papers along with the incessant pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof above you.

The two of you didn’t talk much after you shared your first kiss. It was almost like nothing happened, but you were burning up inside. It wasn’t like Levi was repulsed by kissing you, but he certainly didn’t take any action to kiss you himself at any point afterwards, or make any other moves for that matter.

You wondered what was going through his mind, because he certainly wasn’t willing to share. Of course, you considered attempting to talk to him about it, but what was there to say?

After all, he was still your superior officer, your squad leader’s counterpart, and the captain of the special operations squad. It wasn’t like any typical relationship and the complications made your head spiral. You began to regret kissing him, despite the fact that you two clearly had mutual feelings.

You noticed that if Levi wasn’t cleaning, doing paperwork, or killing titans, he was likely to be reading a book. It was something you liked about him, but you’d often wonder what kind of books he read. When you strolled into his office earlier, you spotted a book with a red cover on Levi’s desk. Guessing that it was his leisure book, you snagged it off his desk before ending up on his couch. Levi didn’t complain-- he didn’t say anything. 

Examining the book, you found a small paper bookmark jutting out of the pages nearing the end of the novel. Upon reading the title and the first fifteen pages, you realized the book was some kind of historical romance. You almost laughed out loud in Levi’s office before holding your hand over your mouth. You just didn’t expect him to be reading a romance.

You closed the book and laid it on your chest as you sat back and stared at the ceiling of his office. The moment was blissful, allowing your thoughts to roam where they pleased. You contemplated how you got to where you were. Just a few months prior, the only interactions with your captain were him giving you dirty looks when you laughed too loud around Hange, or when he would curtly order you to do something.

But now, you had confided in him. You told him about your friendships and the complications between them. He knew about your brother and some notes of your past. He’d stroke your hair, place small pecks on your hand and… you had kissed him!

Things had changed so quickly. You intrusively wondered…  _ Did Levi do this with other scouts…?  _

An instant pang of jealousy surged through your veins. Letting out a loud breath through your nose, you trekked back through your thoughts. You thought about Jas, Carlie and Peter.

And suddenly you felt guilty. Your friends had no idea about how you felt towards Levi or what went on between the two of you. Jas had cried to you, admitting that she liked Carlie and you still had no decency to even give her a hint of an explanation.

A frown plastered your face and your brows furrowed as you sat up and rubbed your face. Levi glanced over at your sudden movement, taking a moment to look at you. You didn’t look back at him and neither of you spoke. A loud gust of wind whistled past the building, shaking the rickety window behind your captain as you sat with your head in your hands.

Maybe you were overthinking, but what if you weren’t?

Would Jas be mad at you if you finally told her the truth? And what if the feelings between you and Levi weren’t mutual? Were you just something to fill up his time?

Nothing was making sense, and the worst part was,  _ you _ were the one to blame. You had gotten yourself in this situation all by yourself. Levi watched you as you got up from his sofa and silently walked to the door. Wordlessly, you left the room.

Levi said nothing as he stared at the closed door for what seemed like forever. His pen had stopped moving some time ago. He was angry-- furious, actually. But not at you, or anyone but himself. 

It had been so long since he had even looked at a woman in that type of way, let alone touched one. He was frustrated with the fact that you took him by surprise. He tried to be angry at you, to blame you. Maybe you were some kind of devil, a succubus that had come to make Levi pay for his sins. 

But he knew that wasn’t true. By that point, Levi was already at your feet, whether he knew it or not. And there was no one to blame but himself.

And something had clearly upset you, leaving your captain to rake over his worst thoughts alone.

* * *

You found yourself on the roof of HQ later that night-- shivering, nonetheless. The brisk weather caused your fingers to clutch your jacket tighter as you sat atop the castle merlons. It had stopped raining earlier in the evening, but the wet cement still clung to your pants as you mindlessly watched clouds glide through the dark sky.

And as cold and as miserable as you were, you still smiled at the thought of seeing Levi the next day. Your tired eyes wandered to the merlon just beside you, vividly remembering the conversation you had with your captain on the same rooftop not too long ago. 

The way he stroked your hair was so gentle and intimate. And despite having different intentions at the time, the way he caressed your leg as the two of you kissed for the first time was slow and tantalizing. It was enough to drive you up a wall.

That’s when you realized that, even if Levi didn’t feel the same for you, nothing would change.

You’d still be head over heels for him, and your heart dropped to your feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter for you lovely readers!! I'll be honest, I really love trying to portray awkwardness between the reader and Levi because it feels so real to me. ...Probably because I'm awkward as hell.
> 
> Anyways, I'm sorry I've been MIA, but I've said it before and I'll say it again: I 100% intend to finish this fanfic! I'm so glad you guys like it, your support means more than you know.
> 
> With that being said, happy holidays and I hope you all have a lovely Christmas (or, whatever else you may celebrate!) <3


	22. Chapter 22

The next day was Sunday. You audibly groaned at the realization, rolling out of bed and throwing on whatever clothes you had lying around your room. 

You made your way to the mess hall, already seeing groups of people sweeping and mopping the floors. You were always late on Sundays, and you hoped to God that Levi wasn’t assigning tasks today. To your delight, you spotted Mike with a clipboard and pen. 

“Hey, Mike! You think I could have today off?” you asked with a wink. Mike lowered his clipboard and glanced over at you. 

“Yeah, right. You’re on stable duty, kid. Hop to,” he ordered before returning his attention to his clipboard. You threw your head back with another groan of disdain. “Stable duty? They haven’t assigned me that in over a year,” you pouted. Mike quickly looked around him before cupping his mouth with the back of his hand and leaning towards you. “Just sweep the hay off the floor and call it a day,” he whispered. You smiled at him in return.

“Understood, sir,” you said with a sarcastic salute.

Before leaving the mess hall, someone called your name. Turning your head towards the sound, you saw Jas with a mop in hand waving at you. You waved back at her before she motioned for you to come join her.

“What’s up, buttercup?” you playfully greeted her. Jas quickly grabbed your arm and pulled you close, lowering her tone. 

“You will never guess what happened last night,” she told you with a bright smile.

“Oh, I’m good at guessing. Let me think… The king invited you to live in a five-story mansion in Sina?”

“Fuck you. Listen…” she said, glancing around to make sure no one was around. “I finally told Carlie I like her.”

Your face lit up as you grabbed her arm back in excitement. “And?”

“And she kissed me! Well… I-- We kissed,” Jas excitedly told you. Your mouth hung agape for a moment. You wanted to say something so bad, but it was like all words had ceased to exist.  _ At least one of our pursuits worked out, _ you cynically thought.

“Well?” she spoke again with furrowed brows.

“Jas, I’m so happy for you,” you said with a soft smile. “So, are you two..?” you trailed off in wonder.

“Well, no. Actually, I have no idea. But I know she likes me, too,” she said with a slight blush, gazing down at the floor as she worked her mop in circles.

“Yeah…” you said with sad eyes, looking down at the floor with her.  _ Get ahold of yourself, (F/N)! You’re supposed to be happy for your friend,  _ you mentally scolded yourself. But truth be told, you were jealous. You wished it could be that simple with Levi.

“Hey, are you alright?” she questioned with concern, leaning the mop handle on her shoulder.

“Yeah, no… yeah! I’m fine. I’m really happy for you, Jassy. I-- Um…” you nervously tried to compose yourself.

She looked at you with suspicious eyes. “Well, if you’re free tonight, let’s all do something! I’ll see if I can steal another keg for us, eh? How’s that sound?” Jas said in an attempt to change the subject.

“That sounds great,” you agreed with a somber smile, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some stable duties to attend to,” you said with an eye roll.

“Ew. Have fun.”

* * *

Following Mike’s unsolicited advice, you grabbed a broom from the utility closet in the stables and began sweeping heaps of hay into a somewhat manageable pile. It was only you and the horses, so to pass the time you mindlessly hummed as you worked your broom across the flattened dirt. 

Some time passed before you realized you could smell something familiar and fragrant. It was way too nice smelling to be the horses. You stopped humming and held your broom in place, trying to pinpoint the smell, until you realized it was the scent of black tea. Turning around fast, the sight of Levi leaning against the wall with a cup of tea in hand startled you. 

“Dear, God, how long have you been there?” you quickly stammered. 

“Why’d you stop?” he plainly asked. You glanced at your broom before looking back at him. “I stopped sweeping ‘cuz you scared the shit out of me--”

“No, you were humming. Why’d you stop?” he asked again, raising the cup to his mouth to take a sip.

“Oh, my god,” you hid your face in embarrassment. “I wasn’t… I… Shut up. Do you need something?” you asked with visible annoyance, despite being elated to see your captain.

Levi kept silent as he took another sip of his tea. You looked him over once more before continuing to sweep. He was wearing black trousers and an untucked white button up, with black shoes. It was rare you saw him dress casually, and it’d be a lie to say he didn’t look ridiculously handsome.

A blush crept on your face as you realized Levi was simply there to watch you clean. 

“I have paperwork,” Levi finally spoke.

“That’s cool. I have  _ this _ ,” you said, motioning to your broom. 

“Come to my office, brat,” he blatantly said, pushing himself off the wall. You quirked a brow at him.

“Excuse me, Mr. Clean Freak, I’m trying to do my job. Maybe when I’m done--”

Levi interrupted you by calling over a random cadet. “Finish off the stables,” he told the red-haired boy. 

“Yes, sir!” he quickly saluted and hurried over to you, taking the broom to begin vigorously sweeping. Levi and you made eye contact before he turned and began walking out of the small wooded stables. You glanced at the boy once more before following Levi back into HQ.

“You could’ve let me finish, you know. The stables kind of smell like ass but it’s a peaceful job,” you told him as you both traversed up the stairs.

“Hm, noted. You sing for the horses often?”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head in embarrassment once more. “Yeah, well, they don’t judge me for being tone deaf.”

Opening his office door, Levi walked in ahead of you. You closed the door behind you as Levi set his cup of tea on his desk before looking back at you with soft eyes. 

“I saw your brother.”

What he said took you off guard. “You… My… You saw Eduoard?”

Levi gave you a small nod in response. You blinked at him a couple times. “That was like a week ago. Why are you just now telling me this?” you coldly questioned.

“Didn’t seem like the right time,” he responded.

You averted your gaze with a small blush, remembering your kiss when he got back from the capital. “Well, did he say anything? You know, about me?” you inquired.

Levi averted his gaze, too. “He… didn’t seem very fond of you.”

“Yeah, of course he’s not. He joined a white collar bullshit regime governed by even more bullshit. That, and I disgraced my family when I was a teenager. I’m the black sheep, whatever,” you mumbled, slightly upset. You made an attempt to briskly walk past Levi to get to his desk before he firmly grabbed your arm, stopping you to make you look at him.

“That’s not true. That piece of shit isn’t your family,” he told you with seriousness, staring directly into your eyes. Your expression softened at his words. “You… you can choose your family. So, what if he shares the same blood? He doesn’t know you,” he said.

You could tell Levi’s words were in an attempt to comfort you, but instead they made your mind wander. 

“Who’s your family?” you questioned with genuine curiosity. Levi released his grasp on your arm. 

“My squad,” he simply replied before taking a small pause. “And… I had these two friends in the Underground before I joined the Corps. They were my family, too. Isabel and Furlan.”

You took a moment to soak in his words. He was speaking a lot more than he usually did, and he answered your question without hesitation.  _ Isabel and Furlan _ , you thought. You cherished this piece of information, and the fact that he shared it with you made you feel particularly fuzzy. 

“Where are they now?” you asked.

Levi stared back at you wordlessly. Your mouth fell open at the realization. “Levi… I’m sorry,” you said, reaching out to touch his chest.

“Don’t be. I’m here because of them,” his eyes never left yours as he barely inched closer to you. 

“Well… are you happy here?” you asked with a soft voice, mindlessly inching closer to him as well.

“Yes,” he breathily admitted before unexpectedly grabbing your face and pulling you into a kiss. It was more hasty than your previous one, with Levi pulling you towards him along with your fingers rustling through his hair. It was a brief moment of passion before the both of you pulled away to catch your breath.

Levi’s hair was messy along with a shade of pink tinting his cheeks, and you were sure your cheeks were bright red. You both looked at each other panting for a few moments as Levi tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I wasn’t kidding about the paperwork, by the way,” Levi finally spoke, nodding his head towards a giant stack of papers on his desk. Your hands reached up to hold his wrists as you smiled at him. 

“Of course you weren’t,” you said with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi attempting to open up to reader makes me so soft <3


End file.
